Jump to content

My breakup story, and I have some questions, please take a moment to help


How to leave an abusive relationshi...
How to leave an abusive relationship and why it's so hard

Recommended Posts

I want to tell my story and get some questions answered since the wisdom on this site is so valuable. I never got any closure so hopefully some input will help me.

 

GF of 1.5 yrs stopped talking to me a little over 2 weeks ago. She is an emotional person but never held it against her. We had broke up a couple times before mainly due to her emotion and not feeling like we were meant to be, both times we got back together within weeks.

 

This last time around we got into a little fight while lying in bed. I said something that offended her nothing terrible, just made a bad joke, and she flipped out. She said she could not believe I could say things that pissed her off after 1.5 years. Then she kicked me out, I did not want to leave at first because I wanted to talk it out. But eventually she kicked me out.

 

That was the last time I have heard from her (20 days ago). In the next couple of weeks I called a couple of times and left messages, send a couple test messages, and a couple emails, all with the topic of "whats going on with you" and "is it over between us, I want to say goodbye"

 

Anyway I am in the typical post breakup state, cant sleep, cant think right, cant do anything but think about her. To sum it up, I feel terrible. Even after 20 days I am hurting because I have all these unanswered questions.

 

My worries are she never even bothered to say anything to me, so I have no closure and that hurts extremely bad.

 

Why wont she talk to me? Punishment? NC?

Is there any way I can get closure to this situation and maintain NC?

Is it worth it to continue trying to contact her, not to get back together but to "talk it out and get closure"? Or would that just make it more painful?

 

Thanks for listening

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sounds to me like she is trying to guilt you, especially given her history of instability. Would it be possible to set up a face-to-face chat? Just show up to see her? You deserve to know what's going on...it's not fair to you that you are in this limbo of sorts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have tried to get her to talk even if it is just to say goodbye. She wont answer. It is almost like she wants me to suffer, and she is doing a great job of it. I don't really want her in my life anymore but I am getting mentally scared by all of this. Any ideas?

 

I would like to add that this relationship is over. I am not going to get back with her after this. But I don't want it go go down like this, it would cause me to forever think about it

 

Would it be stalkerish if I showed up at her house to talk to her? Or is that over the line?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do not do anything because to do anything will just be playing into her hands. Accept that she is emotionally unstable and get your closure that way. Emotionally unstable people are very good at the "pull the rug right out from under you" games...they like to see the other person fall and squirm. What you need to do is not let this get to you...and the only way you can do that is to recognize that what she did is the typical modus operandi for emotionally messed up people. Put it behind you and breathe a sigh of relief that you need not have anything more to do with her. You don't need to talk to her to find out what is going on..she would never tell you the truth anyway and would just twist the blame...that's what emotionally messed up people do...they don't own up to their mistakes, and if they know they are wrong they just twist the blame to someone else and re-write history. Get your closure from within...from knowing that you tried but you are not dealing with a rational person.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

tx,

 

I am so sorry to hear of how this is ending.

No, i don't think you can expect a closure from her.

She doesn't seem to be able to give you that, if this is how she deals with this situation.

 

You can't expect to carry on a honest discussion with her of what is happening.

 

It definitely sounds like she is mad, unable to work through this, and punishing you by NC.

 

As you have gathered, you need to end this relationship and move on.

Yes, it is painful...but stick to NC yourself. She may even try to contact you after awhile, at which time you must decide what to do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

At least you know it's over and that you don't want to get back together.

That will help.

 

If she doesn't answer or refuses to see you to say goodbye, maybe write her a letter about how you feel and what you would say to her if you did see her in person.

See how you feel when you're done writing it and then you may not even feel the need to mail it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh this is so tough

 

I am torn between the writing a letter idea and keeping NC.

 

Honestly since I know the relationship is doomed and over at this point, breaking NC doesn't matter too much to me.

 

I want to ease my suffering and hearing her say she never wants me back would actually help I think. I believe in NC and all, I just can't believe people can end something without even saying to each other it's over.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is possible she was feeling uncomfortable being in a relationship, or desired to get out of it. In order to alleviate her guilt, she waited for an opportunity to paint you as the bad guy. Sometimes people can do this so well, that they actually bait you and lead you down the road, only to freak out and tell you you are so bad for doing this or that. Then poof, she can be free of all that comes with a relationship. She likely has convinced herself that you don't deserve to talk to her. She is likely a person that splits and see's black and white. Good and bad. If this sounds close, then just try the best you can to move on and realize it wasn't you. She has issues with relationships. Her reality isn't reality, so talking to her won't help you feel better. It takes a lot, a lot of work to change these mechanisms.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...