does he really love me or am I wasting my time?

natash24 · February 23, 2003

Hi all,

I am having trouble figuring out if my boyfriend really loves me. he says he does but at the same time he likes his space and doesn't like to share with me. he won't give me the keys to his apartment and makes me wait until he gets home to hang out. It would be so much easier if he gave me his keys so I could let myself in. he told me he was planning on doing so but everytime he makes a copy it,it doesn't work. He usually comes through the garage and never even uses his front door keys. Anyways he always makes plans with the boys like to go skiing and playing poker and hunting and leaves me out and doens't involve me even when I ask him to include me. he makes last minute plans and doesn't ask me if it's okay. Shouldn't he check in with me since we are a couple of 6 months? I want to know if he truly loves me or not. Like for valentines'd day he took me skiing but he was a bit cheap about it picking a motel 6. then for Valentines' day he asked me if the trip we took last week was okay for valentines' day and cooked me a dinner at home and got me flowers without a card. Am I asking for too much ? Having unrealistic expecations of him? Any help you could give me wuould be great

butterfly girl1607306442 · February 24, 2003

i didnt even get anything for valentines and its been 9 months..ur lucky

idontakre6203 · February 24, 2003

I know I won't have the best answers, or even ones up to other's expectations but besides that... I think he really does love you. Though love is such a strong word, I still believe he does. So he may be a little cheap, and it is only normal for a guy to want to do things with his friends and not his girlfriend. Perhaps he isn't comfortable of the idea of you having keys to his apartment. It isn't that he doesn't trust you, he probably just wants privacy? I don't have any advice for you, just don't act TOO concerned but do have a little *chat* with him. lol, I hope this helps, and I also wish you the best of luck!

simulacra · February 24, 2003

I don't think there's a real right or wrong expectation in a relationship. It's whatever you feel you want from your partner. Some people need and want more from the other person. If your boyfriend doesn't seem to be meeting your needs and expectations, then you should be considering the role this person has in your life. If you see your boyfriend as someone you would like to spend the rest of your life with, then these things you are pointing out are important issues. If you see relationships as just something that will last for a little while and you'll eventually want to move on, then these might be reasons for you to be moving on.

The things that you described about your boyfriend seem a bit inconsistent. His planning things and not including you seems a bit distant of him when viewed in contrast to his Valentine's Day affair. Personally, I think the Vday thing would have been fine for me. Maybe it wasn't so much what he did or didn't do (or what he does or doesn't do in particular occasions) but what you feel as a result. Maybe you don't really feel that connected to him overall?

Maybe you perceive things differently than what his actions are trying to say to you. The only way you can find out for real is to ask him directly. It might turn out that the two of you are progressing at different paces in the relationship. Six months may be enough to warrant a key to your appartment, but maybe he has personal reservations or issues with that. If in doubt, just ask.

natash24 · February 24, 2003

thanks for your responses all. Yes I think he does care for me. It's just sometimes I don't know how things should go and I know i expect a lot from a person . I also have issues with feeling used because all my life men have been attracted to my looks and then I wonder if they would love me if i were ugly so I think I test things to the max. Butterfly girl thanks for sharing with me how you didn't get anything. I wish you had gotten something and that you will find happiness. And Idontakre and simulcra you helped a lot too. it's nice to have someone give me perspective because I am so neurotic lol. I wish there was a way to figure out all these things but I think I have to be more positive and work on myself. thanks a bunch all!

motolove · March 1, 2003

Guys have different ways of showing love, even if it looks like they aren't showing it at all. You have expectations and he's not filling them. I used to be like that, but have learned that though my boyfriend never says I love you unless I say it, it doesn't mean he doesn't love me. It just means that he has never learned to say it.

As for his planning things without you, some guys do that, and I don't know why. I wouldn't take it personally though. I noticed that when I was younger that most of the guys I have been with did that, and as I grew older (I'm 30 now), guys don't seem to do that as much.

Though I can't say if he loves you or not for sure, my guess is he does. He is with you and you are his girl, right?