Ex GF made contact Please help

[pepsi752]

My ex gf contacted me for the first time since we broke up. She sent me a message on facebook saying that she was sorry to hear about my grandfathers passing and knew how close i was to him and heard that i had the flu and was hoping i felt better from that.

 

If youve read any of my posts before you may know this was a really bad break up. Lots of mean things were said and alot of feelings were hurt and i know i am better off without her in my life.

 

It all went bad when she said she would never leave me and as a 20 year i didnt want to say that back. i told her i loved her but i cant make that kind of commitment at this age. I told her i wasnt ready to go up that fast and it scared me to say stuff like that. So she went behind my back and began dating someone who was 7 years older than us and broke up with me over the phone after more than ayear being together. I tried hard to get her back but she refused to speak with me and finally i blew up at her and told her that was becoming her mother (she hates her mom) and i didnt want her in my life anymore. I also told her she sucked at the physical aspect just to get one more jab in.

 

Since then i have been diagnosed with deression take medication for it everyday. This really hurt me alot. Just seeing that message from her hurt. But now i have a choice. She reached out to me in my time of need and truly i appreciate the fact she did reach out because i honestly thought id never hear from her again but id gotton to the point where i was ok with that and ready to move on with my life. I dont know what to think right now.

 

I cant decide if i should respond back and just say thanks i appreciate the concern but id rather you dont contact me, dont say anything at all and just move on or something in between. i dont know what the right thing to do here is and im litterally shaking as i write this from just being overwhelmed by this

[DN]

I think that you should respond and thank her for her kind words. It probably means no more than a kind gesture and politeness demands a response. If she wants to open up some sort of dialogue she will and you can decide what to do if she does.

[Jenlove]

Yes, i agree very well with DN. But just don't keep your hopes high so you won't end up disappointed. Goodluck!

[pepsi752]

I dont want to open dialogue. I really dont even want her to know im alive much less know my current state and if i have a cold or not. She works with my sister so i know it would be easy for her to find out about my grandfathers passing but it really makes me mad she knows i was sick. How long has she been watching me?

[JohnGalt]

tell her, "Please don't ever contact me again."

 

Here you're being cold and not even acknowledging the fact that she reached out to you in a time of grief for you and concern for your health. By doing this, you'll probably push her away for the last time. If you truly want her out of your life, do this.

[HeartGoesOn]

The right thing to do is to say, "Thank you."

 

I understand that you're hurt from the breakup, but this is common courtesy.

[kmae23]

Yes, most people can't take rejection. So if you don't respond, or respond in a cold manner, it will possibly maker her more interested. So if you really want to move on, just say thank you. Thank you for your concern, I hope you are doing well- take care.

 

The take care is a clear indication that you don't expect to hear back but it isn't a clear rejection that may make her feel desperate for contact. I think it is mature that you didn't want to sign your future away so young. I was married at 19 and feel it could have possibly worked if I had waited a good 5 years. I also know plenty of people that married young, only divorced later because they wanted to see what else was out there.

 

On her side- It is very hard for a women to hear she isn't good at the physical aspect of a relationship. Society has taught that men always want a sexy and sexilicious women. One that can make her man want her after nearly any appealing gesture. Blah blah. Whatever. She reacted in a immature way by going after someone else so soon and also by the breaking up over the phone. Maybe she was feeling a bit desperate to complete her perceived role as women, and if not with you then with someone else.

I would just say, be nice- she may just want to hear you can have a positive opinion of her.

[l9grl]

You have the right to do nothing. If you don't want to respond, don't. Focus on your well-being.

[pepsi752]

i decided the best course of action was to send a simple message back and all it said was "thank you for your concern." If she contacts me again i have decided that i will say something along the lines of "i appreciate your concern but i am not ready to talk and i would like you to respect that."

 

Good? Bad?

[kmae23]

Hmm, I think the response you already sent, shows her you are not interested in talking to her. If she continues to email you, just ignore it.

[pepsi752]

Just an update. i havent heard anything from my ex since i said "thank you for your concern"

 

My counselor said he expected this and isnt surprised at all. he told me that now i can choose to keep living my life as it is now or i can open up the communication with her.

 

I feel like opening up communication is a mature thing to do and to be honest when we first broke up its all i wanted. but i feel like ive gotton to the point where i feel better not knowing what she is doing who she is with or what she has to say about me. I feel bad tho wanting to cut someone out of my life that meant so much to me at one point. But at the same time I know that this was her decision to break up and if she wanted this then im wasting my time by wanting to stick around.

 

I dont know what the right course of action is. Sometimes i wish i could cut out that part of my memory and forget it all. I dont know if i can expose myself to all these renewed feelings of hurt and anger and pain that may come with contact. Im just worried im being selfish