Was this all a joke?

[marooon11]

Hi.

 

There was a boy I had known for about 4 and 1/2 years. We were friendly with each other, but not friends. We had a lot of mutual friends and so occasionally would see each other. I thought he could be very stuck up and arrogant, he never really made a mark on me. He is extremely handsome, sometimes I don't think he is, but enough girls think and tell him that he's so attractive that he walks around thinking/believing that he is extremely good looking. I would say he, as a guy, is better looking then me, as a girl when compared to others in our same sex. I'm average/above average on my good days. I get mostly compliemnts from girls, occasional ones from guys, but nothing like this guy apparently gets from girls.

 

Now in the past 1 and 1/2 years, being friendly with this guy turned into (what I would consider) friendship. He started to call me maybe once a month, sometimes more, sometimes less. When we would talk, we would talk for 1-2 hours about everything and anything. But again we were both very independent and ran in our own circles. Occassionally we would hang out and it would be chill.

 

3 months ago we were hanging out and I said this: hey, we seem to really get along, and spend hours talking... would you ever consider dating? No pressure, you can totally say no, and we'll forget I ever asked. He immediately broke into a grin, hugged me, said he was so nervous yet excited, he has always wanted to be affectionate with me and kiss me but just did not know when to do it. I again clarified if the feeling was mutual and he said yes. I then thought it was cool if we preceeded into a dating type thing, no relationship.

 

We dated for 1 month, and on the 4th date, he abruptly cancelled on me. He then told me he thought we should not do any more physical stuff (it's not like we did that much--but we knew each other for awhile so there wasn't that filter), and we should "build the relationship in other ways like going out to restaurants and hanging out watching movies." I immediately knew was like ok, well you're not into me, because when I date I want some physical stuff, and what you sound like you are proposing to me is a friendship.

 

Of course, being a girl, I was upset at the way he cancelled on me, etc. But if a guy doesn't want to date me I am not gonna sit around and convince him to change his mind.

 

HOwever, now that that happened about 3 months ago,I am at a loss at to whats going on. He and I rarely talk. I don't think he is seeing anyone because he had never really had a girlfriend. I don't want to bring up the fact that we don't talk because I don't want to seem desparate, like I am still dreaming of him (which I am). I feel like he never wanted a real friendship with me. He just wanted to get physically close to me, and now that there's no tension anymore, and he knows, he has no use for this friendship.

 

Am I wrong for thinking this? Did he really think we were going to fast, or is that his way of having not wanting to say to me "he isn't that into me"

 

Also I am pissed because why the heck did he go into the whole "i really wanted to kiss you affectionate blah blah feeling's mutual" thing when this started?

 

WHY THE HECK DID HE START CALLING ME 1 AND 1/2 YEARS AGO AND NOW HE CAN'T BE MY FRIEND??? I am just so upset -- what is going on???

[top bloke]

Did you ever think that he may have wanted more than just a physical relationship? This guy liked you ..you got intimate but maybe he developed deeper feelings and then decided to stop.

[marooon11]

No but I would be the one who was more emotionally giving with him... he said once that physical stuff for him does not have much meaning

[purpleduckie]

maybe he did want the relationship...? did you guys end up going to dinners/movies more often? did he initiate things and did you reject them?

 

 

if he didn't initiate dinner and movies like he suggested, then i think it was him trying to spare your feelings because he could be into you at the time you asked... but then his feelings changed. that could happen, you know.. people don't like being friends with ex's... it's so normal.

[marooon11]

no he did not initiate dinners, etc.

 

i get that he's not into me. but why then treat me so rudely after 1.5 years of friendship?

[purpleduckie]

no he did not initiate dinners, etc.

 

i get that he's not into me. but why then treat me so rudely after 1.5 years of friendship?

 

i don't think it's anything rude. people break up. they will try to sugar coat it because they don't want to hurt your feelings. that's normal. some people don't want to stay in contact after a break up. this is also very normal. i don't like talking to my ex's. if they initiate, i'll reply but will try and keep it short.

 

i just don't care to have them in my life anymore. it's not like he's going around spreading rumours about you or any of that nonsense. you're just trying to hold on and using this as a way to hold on to him...

 

you just have to move on.

[marooon11]

thanks purpleduckie. but you don't think that the fact that we were friends for 1.5 years, known each other for 4 yrs, prior to this 1 month of dating-- doesn't that mean anything to him? like, maybe i am not getting it... i get that exes' who didnt meet as friends breakup and dont keepp contact, but i didnt know exes who met as friends go through the same thing. what about the friendship?

[purpleduckie]

thanks purpleduckie. but you don't think that the fact that we were friends for 1.5 years, known each other for 4 yrs, prior to this 1 month of dating-- doesn't that mean anything to him? like, maybe i am not getting it... i get that exes' who didnt meet as friends breakup and dont keepp contact, but i didnt know exes who met as friends go through the same thing. what about the friendship?

 

ya, i felt the same way after my highschool bf and i broke up. we were bestfriends before hand. but after the relationship, we just couldn't be friends. we would just passively attack each other. it was awful. so i make it a policy to not be friends with exes. most pepole have this policy. it's nothing personal, you know? i'm sure it means something to him. but feelings just can be really mixed up after you date. things can get messy

[top bloke]

no he did not initiate dinners, etc.

 

i get that he's not into me. but why then treat me so rudely after 1.5 years of friendship?

 

I think its the fact that your friendship went into a physical relationship which tends to make it hard to be friends afterwards because the nature of the relationship changed.

I am taking a long shot that he did have start to get feelings for you and may have ended it to honour your newer relationship..

I dont think he is being rude..he may be actually be protecting you and himself from a situation you dont want..?

[marooon11]

i guess i am confused. i thought generally when guys end stuff like this, it's because he's not into the girl. like the book. like, if a guy wanted to be w/ you, he would do anything to do that. i wasnt looking for marriage or long term relationship, i just wanted to have something light hearted and fun/ dating style. i am only in our town for 3 more months, and then i am moving to a new city. assuming there is no other girl in the picture, which i have on good authority there isn't, why would a guy not want to just make out with a girl, etc? (assuming we are attracted to each other, which he has told me constantly he is)

 

i am not contacting him but i guess i just wish he saw that i am ok with everything, why cant we just resume friendship. we dont have to hang out one on one if that makes him uncomfortable. we can just chat once a month. is that so bad?