ptorresz Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 Hello friends, I want to share this with you, and if can give me some advice, I´d really appreciate it...! The story is as follows, I broke up with my ex in February 2008, he was in drugs, he´d had an accident in his motorcycle DUI, and he has also cheated on me with one friend of mine who was married at that moment As you can imagine, it took me a while to get over him, or at least I though I was over him, we last met in may since I had to return some of his stuff, I then suggested a coffee and he said he´d rather not. So two weeks ago he calls to my job, and he said he´d like to see me, how was I....but he had lost my number, so he wanted me to send a text message with my number, I told him that I had to think about...and after a Week i sent him my number. We met yesterday, I was veeeery nervous, but after 2 minutes was gone...i felt soo good around him....we started catching up, he told me he´s been clean for 8 months now, and that he had a girlfriend with whom he had lived for a month, and that they had broken up in november, and when i asked for the reason of the break up, he said" she wasn´t you" At that point I couldn´t believe it...he said he called because he had to let me know that he was still interested in me, that it was my call, but he knew he´d be there for me his whole life, so if it took me 5 years to call him back, he´d still be there.... I´m overwhelmed, i told him I needed time to think about everything, but the thing is that seeing him brought to memory only the good moments we lived together...he said sorry for everything i put you through, that he knew that i deserved better than him but he had to give it a try..... so here i am, I break into tears every 5 minutes, ´cause I though i was over him, and apparently that´s not it HELP!!! Link to comment
UCLAMike Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 what's different this time? what he said doesnt really matter. gotta judge him based on his actions and character. what do you want? i mean what do you really want for yourself in the long run? forget what ur feeling right now, can you see a future with this guy? I'd be very careful if I were you. People don't just change radically in the span of several months. Link to comment
quirky Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 the reasons you split up are big red flags.. drugs and cheating? I wonder if you can fully trust him again. I am sure you have both improved in this year but that doesn't mean you won't fall into a similar pattern overtime. UCLA mike makes a good point with his questions, don't hurry anything. Link to comment
Daria_Lane Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 dont accept going into anything major yet you two can just hang out ever now and down (not too often) so you can gauge whether he has chnaged or not for yourself Dont rush Link to comment
UCLAMike Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 Keyword : Character Test out the waters for a while. Take it super slow and watch his life and his reaction. Phonies will make mistakes and totally show the red flags. Only people with genuine character will eventually come out standing. I hope you find what you are looking for. Stay positive! Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 Not to sound cruel, but he may be coming back because he ran out of other options. Also, I would think long and hard, about going back to someone who cheated on me. Past behaviour is a good indicator of future behaviour. JMO. All the best... Link to comment
canali Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 As Dr Phil says 'they have to earn their way back in'... and don't rush the process...see them for how they truly are not as you imagine or wish them to be from being lonely or needy. Link to comment
Llama Dancer Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 Hang tough. People can change but they very rarely do. This is something that will reveal itself in time. Take it slow. How long were you together? Link to comment
ptorresz Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 we were together for a year...I was talking to my cousin and she said I should take this as a fling while I wait for my true love to show up...I´m not that kind of girl....I´ve never dated someone only because of sex, and he was very important to me....so I think I might wait and see if what he says is true...maybe we can start as friends...we don´t have to jump into a relationship...do we??? Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 of course not. Make him work to get back into your life. Start as friends and then slowly progress to more. Link to comment
MarkD Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 If I were you, I wouldnt even try being friends...its going to tear you apart. The fact that you had to wait a bit to know if you wanted to see him means youre still not over him and you are just going to drive yourself crazy. I know people can change..etc...but someone who could cheat on their GF with their friend has absolutely no respect for themselves or the people they hurt. Chances are....it will happen again. Im sorry for sounding so tough..but cheaters are just pathetic Link to comment
sandrawg Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 I agree with the other responders. Cheaters RARELY change. You need to see from him that he deeply understands how awful his behavior was, and that he's getting to the root of why it happened so he can change it. Maybe he has self esteem issues. Or maybe he is just a player. In any case, he needs to show willingness to do whatever it takes to win your trust back, because he was the one who lied and disrespected you. I would make him wait while you think things over, then ultimately if you really want to get back with him, take it VERY VERY slow. No jumping back into bed right away-sex can cloud your judgment. Be friends first. Sniff him out, see if he really has changed. Link to comment
kiter Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 You say he has 8 months sober. Is he actively participating in a program, does he have a sponsor? If not then that is a flag. Also AA or NA will reccomend no relationships in the first year. Usually addictive personalities will use relations or intimacy for the same purpose as drugs or alcohol, too make themselves feel better or to avoid some of their own internal turmoil. A new relationship makes someone feel really good, at least for a while and then at some point the euphoria wanes and the addict is then left with feeling bad again resulting in the need for more drugs or alcohol, or sex, or another exhilerating relation. Just some thoughts Link to comment
ptorresz Posted March 11, 2009 Author Share Posted March 11, 2009 met my ex again yesterday, can´t help feeling good around him....very comfortable, he wants to earn his way back to my heart, and so far, he has been acting differently, he seems more mature and centered....and we´ve talked abut most everything, he has recognized all his faults, and well so did I...we are not back together, but i feel like giving him a second chance....what do you think????? Link to comment
MarkD Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 I would stay away...but honestly...you are going to do whatever you want to do. Link to comment
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