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My dad isn't happy with my goals :(


ulgirl
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I came home for spring break tonight just to realize my dad isn't happy with what I'm studying at college. I'm a biology major, and in a year and a half when I'm in grad school I'm going to study zoology. I've always wanted to study animals in some way....not exactly in a zoo as the name suggests, but I want my life to be devoted to saving animals through scientific research and learning all I can about them. My dad thinks this is very shameful and that I should be wanting to go into human health care because he says that's where the money is. He just makes me feel kind of worthless and as if what I want doesn't matter. This certainly isn't going to make me pursue the career he wants for me, but it's got me worrying and making me feel less likely to succeed in some way. ](*,) I guess I just needed to get this out because I am stunned.

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Parents want whats best for their children. But you need to really do what you want to do, tell him, because you've got biology, that you can always go back to uni, after you have doe what you want, if it doesnt seem to be working out for you.

Your dad cannot live your life, and he cannot re-live his life through you.

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First of all animals really need saving, especially endangered species. As you probably know we are currently in a mass extinction period right now called the Holocene. More relevantly thought to your situation - you need to make your own choice of what to study, not your parents.

 

Its not even so much about studying "what you love" because I think people's interests shift over time, the important thing is to study what you want to study. Your dad probably just wants to make sure his money isn't going towards a degree that isn't going to help you earn a living. That's how my parents felt at least. College is expensive and part of that reason is because it is designed to get you a job, not just teach you something interesting.

 

That said, Biology can get you a job. You might want to just sit down with your dad and say basically, "dad, I recognize that you want me to earn a living, but I want to do it in the field of my choice. Will you help me do that?" Then maybe you can look together for jobs, internships, possible minors, or maybe grad school/medical school options. The point is that he understands that you understand that college is not only about studying what you want, but also about getting a career that you otherwise wouldn't be able to. Its about both of those things, not just one or the other. Both of you need to recognize that, I think.

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wow. I am stunned aswell. You have to do the career you want. You could do what he wants and be miserable. If your passionate about something (helping animals) go for it, there needs to be more people willing and wanting to do that, then just be in it for the money. I think he should be happy and greatful that his daughter is at uni, studying for a degree and actually as a plan and goals to do something with her life....theres a lot of girls out there, who dont have that, dress * * * * ty, get with a lot of guys, drinks, drugs, go down a very bad path, and end up with 5 kids to 4 different fathers. Would he want or prefer that? probably not (and thats extreme) but i hope you get my point. He should be pleased. i know some strict parents alway seem to want more, they want their son or daughter to always have something 'better' than another child. While he obviosuly thinks you can do that (human health care), is great, but he's got to realise you need to do what makes you happy.

 

the fact he thinks its 'shameful' you want to help animals is just outragous.

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wow.. that sucks... I can't imagine a parent saying to a child to go into something for the money!! What does that say about his values?

 

I agree it sucks also, but it doesn't necessarily say anything bad about his values. College is expensive and its an investment into a young person's future. I would say especially in this economy that future earnings are a valid concern. Again, though they're definitely not everything.

 

And in the end, you have to always consider your passion anyway. If we didn't then everyone would be majoring in Accounting and no one would be doing anything else.

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I agree it sucks also, but it doesn't necessarily say anything bad about his values. College is expensive and its an investment into a young person's future. I would say especially in this economy that future earnings are a valid concern. Again, though they're definitely not everything.

 

And in the end, you have to always consider your passion anyway. If we didn't then everyone would be majoring in Accounting and no one would be doing anything else.

 

It says a lot to me about someone's values if they are wanting someone else to go into a profession fo the money/

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It says a lot to me about someone's values if they are wanting someone else to go into a profession fo the money/

 

Yes and no.

 

Specifically in this situation, I think you're right. This dad's values may be skewed, especially since he called majoring in Biology "shameful". Thats completely ridiculous.

 

However in general, the money(specifically job prospects of a major in this case) is a legitimate concern for a parent who is paying for their kid to go to college. That shouldn't be the be all and end all of the discussion, ultimately the student needs to choose what they want to study. But having a job after college is an important thing and its good to plan for that in college. That's all I'm saying. Is that fair?

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Yes and no.

 

Specifically in this situation, I think you're right. This dad's values may be skewed, especially since he called majoring in Biology "shameful". Thats completely ridiculous.

 

However in general, the money(specifically job prospects of a major in this case) is a legitimate concern for a parent who is paying for their kid to go to college. That's all I'm saying. Is that fair?

 

 

hmnn i don't know.. my younger brother did Art and i had several friends who did things like Drama or Music or Philosophy.

 

I don't know... I'd think that parents would be happy if there child was studying what they were passionate about.

 

in my opinion, university is not a trade school, one shouldn't go to university to-get-a--job. In fact, it was my parents that drummed that into me... they always said, "university is not about getting a job, it's about learning what you are passionate about.

 

funny thing was, when I went to university, i always used to say things like, "but what type of job will I get with this?" and it was my parents who said they hated how universities have become job training centres.

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You have to follow your dreams. Whether it works out with your parents or not is ultimately a blip in the process. You are an adult. It is your life, it is your future. Having a passion for animals like you do, particularly at your age, is priceless.

My best amigo was just like you, he is now in the upper end working for the Humane Society Of Tucson @ 80K for a living @ 30 Yrs of age. The money means nothing to him because he loves what he does for the stray dogs and cats in Tucson. Nobody or no thing can replace that feeling for him. His parents disagreed yet he fought for his heart. The fact that your parents do not see that, should simply serve as motivation for you. Let them go, and simply grow from the experience. Good luck to you, yet I don't think you need my luck. You sound like you know what you want. That's huge.

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hmnn i don't know.. my younger brother did Art and i had several friends who did things like Drama or Music or Philosophy.

 

I don't know... I'd think that parents would be happy if there child was studying what they were passionate about.

 

in my opinion, university is not a trade school, one shouldn't go to university to-get-a--job. In fact, it was my parents that drummed that into me... they always said, "university is not about getting a job, it's about learning what you are passionate about.

 

funny thing was, when I went to university, i always used to say things like, "but what type of job will I get with this?" and it was my parents who said they hated how universities have become job training centres.

 

Well there defintiely are career-oriented majors at college, so I don't think its fair to say that college is JUST about learning. Also, I think some parents may not have the resources to let their kids major in something just to learn about it.

 

In any case, it sounds like we both agree that whether someone thinks college is just about learning or about both learning and getting a career, that Biology is both something this poster is passionate about and has career options. Although, I would suggest talking to a college counselor about that because I didn't major in biology so I couldn't say that with authority.

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I can definitely relate to what you're going through. My father said a similar thing to me when I was in my first year of university...only I was in sociology. I had recently discovered sociology and loved it, and I was very excited to transfer into it. I told my dad and he responded by telling me that it was a terrible mistake and that I should be in something that would make me money. I was very upset, but I didn't listen to him and decided to continue with what I was doing.

 

I went into sociology because I was passionate about it. It expanded my interest in social issues and in helping people and it encouraged to me to get heavily into volunteering. This volunteer experience led to a fairly decent job after graduation. No, I wasn't making tons of money, but that didn't matter because I genuinely enjoyed what I was doing. I'm 26 now and just went back to school to do my Masters in social work. I absolutely love it and I always feel so grateful that I didn't listen to my dad all those years ago! The funny thing is that my father seems to have forgotten what he said to me, and now tells me that he's proud of me.

 

Like one of the above posters said, universities are not trade schools or job training centres, nor should they be. What I am most thankful for regarding my university education is the way it broadened my mind and the critical thinking skills it gave me. I learned to value education in and of itself. Most university degrees don't translate directly into a job, but if you augment your degree with experiential learning opportunities (co-op programs, internships, research assistant positions, etc etc.) you'll increase your chances of finding something when you graduate. Follow your interests. Money certainly isn't everything.

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You sound to be at the age where learning the phrase, "Thanks, I'll consider that." can be a rote and brainless psyche-saver.

 

The only barrier you really need to consider is whether or not you intend to seek money from Dad to pay for grad school. If not, then Dad's disapproval is nothing more than disappointing--which you can overcome with some mental gymnastics, which you'll eventually have no choice but to do anyway, as most of us are forced to disabuse at least one parent who believes they could possibly live our lives for us--at least better than we could ourselves.

 

If you do intend to seek money from Dad, your concerns are understandable, and now is the time to begin planning ways to earn a decent living off your bachelor's for a time to save enough money to reverse your original view of Dad as your banker.

 

Or, you might consider building a business case. Show your Dad a few examples of vet bills, along with some legislative documents describing the ever-increasing entanglements, obligations and liabilities of human work in biology. You've got the brains to prove any point you want to make from a financial angle--just show him how you can use them.

 

Lastly, you can bribe him. Tell Dad for every dollar he contributes to your animal studies, you'll invest 'x' amount in human bio-medical stocks.

 

In your corner.

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You should continue studying what your interested in and not what someone expect you to do. You seem very happy and interested in what you want major in. It shouldn't be about what the other person want or expects you to do in your life. It's your life you should be able to major in whatever you want to and that interestes you. Your dad should be proud of you for making it as far as you have and support you in what you enjoy and want to do. Keep moving forward and be happy with what your doing!!!

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