Not sure if i should be in a relationship

[jackk]

im 17 and am finishing school this year. my GF is finished with school but hasnt started college or anything yet. we both plan to move out of are parents houses and in with some friends once we graduate. weve been dating for over a year. i have times were i know i want to spend my life with her but other times i feel like im lying to myself to keep her happy. i care about her alot and at times i will admit i can say i dont want to be in a relationship right now. im young, im just starting my life, i want to do what i want without working with what someone else wants. we have been having small arguements more and more often about me doing what i want, her not thinking we spend enough time together, and other things like that. im just not sure what i should do.. stick with it? see how living together goes? or dont let it get to that and end? i need some other opinions on it.

 

reply however you would like. bashing me for not telling her how i feel exactly, whatever you would like/ your honest opinion.

[sparkysbarky]

Hey jackk,

 

First of all I wouldn't "bash" you for anything you came online to ask advice about. And good job asking for help, because it never hurts to ask for advice and it can really hurt not to.

 

Ok, first of all, I would say definitely do not move in with her. Mostly because you're 17 years old, are basically still a kid(no offense), and have to figure out your own life before you start living with a significant other.

 

Living with a bf or gf, or supporting them especially is a big deal. If there were like numbered steps in life, that step would not be directly after graduation. You've basically been living with your parents for your whole entire life. You might want to live on your own for awhile.

 

Also, many kids coming out of h.s. do not continue their h.s. relationships into college, because they mature and change as people. That's ok and healthy.

 

So I'd say that fact alone means you need to take some time to yourself. You're definitely young and it sound slike she is too(hopefully) so if she is like 99% of other women out there, she will not be ready to settle at age 17 or 18 either.

 

The most important thing in your life right now, from what it sounds like, and I can tell you as a young guy myself, is getting a J-O-B. Seriously, I think that is a step that should come before moving in with/supporting someone. I don't mean to sound like an old man or whatever, but if you're not going straight to college, which it sounds like you are not(and there's nothing wrong with that), then just move out, get a job, and get out there in the world. Chop it up. Go explore countries or places that just sound exciting. Or even just stay at home, but in that case try and pay some rent. It will give you some time to grow up which doesn't just happen becuase you turn "18."

 

Good luck

[jackk]

i really dont think that there could have been better advice, you really could tell what was going on even though i wasnt 100% clean. you, should write a book or be some type of therapist. anyways ! how should i go about this break up that is inevitable? anyways you think would make it easier? im pretty sure it will blind side her soo its kinda hard to think of a easy way to.

[purpleJ]

I've been with my bf since i was 17 too. And we've had similar issues.

 

You have to see if you really want her in your life, if you do then work it out you might not need to break up.

 

1.do not move in with her! then you would definitely break up! you need to explore life on your own.

 

2.If you think youre missing out on other women, there is nothing wrong with that, in that case DO break up with her.

 

3.But if at this point you really do love her, tell her how you feel, how you need your space and you need to live your life before you can be in a "serious/full on" relationship.

[jackk]

I've been with my bf since i was 17 too. And we've had similar issues.

 

You have to see if you really want her in your life, if you do then work it out you might not need to break up.

 

1.do not move in with her! then you would definitely break up! you need to explore life on your own.

 

2.If you think youre missing out on other women, there is nothing wrong with that, in that case DO break up with her.

 

3.But if at this point you really do love her, tell her how you feel, how you need your space and you need to live your life before you can be in a "serious/full on" relationship.

 

thank you for your reply. very helpful also.

[sparkysbarky]

Thanks man. Really glad I could help a little.

 

Although, my second piece of advice would be to always take online, anonymous advice with a grain of salt. Just because its different than talking to someone you know personally, which is really important. Like parents, or a teacher, or friends.

 

In any case, about breaking up. Even when that goes relatively smoothly it is still painful, so I'd just be ready to explain any reasons you have for breaking up. Make sure those are strong ones and ones you believe in. Make sure she knows that its not because she's a bad person or that she's done anything "wrong". So just make sure you are honest. Honest is the best policy, in my opinion.

[jackk]

Thanks man. Really glad I could help a little.

 

Although, my second piece of advice would be to always take online, anonymous advice with a grain of salt. Just because its different than talking to someone you know personally, which is really important. Like parents, or a teacher, or friends.

 

In any case, about breaking up. Even when that goes relatively smoothly it is still painful, so I'd just be ready to explain any reasons you have for breaking up. Make sure those are strong ones and ones you believe in. Make sure she knows that its not because she's a bad person or that she's done anything "wrong". So just make sure you are honest. Honest is the best policy, in my opinion.

 

i will definatlly be honest about the reasoning and it doesnt have anything to do with anything shes doing right or wrong and ill be sure to show her that. but as far as physically going about it, its going to be really hard to do in person or on the phone, idk if IMing or other types of breaking up are disrespectful or careless but it seems the easiest way. what do you guys think?

[sparkysbarky]

I'd really try to do it in person, or at least on the phone. Its not that AIM or online is disrespectful, but it can be impersonal or cold. I'd say in-person is the best way to have a breakup talk, but if its long distance then yeah, phone would be next best I'd say.