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I saw her tonight. I'm falling apart.


troubbble

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I went out tonight to my good friends gallery opening, and my ex girlfriend was there. For those of you who need back story We've been broken up since Dec. 16. NC since Jan 29. All the rest is in my previous post.

 

 

She walked up to me and said hi. I said hi in return. We made small talk and she seemed good. She was smiling and talking as if nothing had happened between us. I feel like my responses and conversation really weren't like that at all. If seems like she is doing well and she has moved on. I did my best to give the same impression to her, but that is not how I feel. I want her back with every once of my being. And being apart is tearing me up inside. The conversation ended with a "it was good to see you" and then a quick exit without a hug or handshake or any other physical contact.

I tried to stay at the gallery after that to support my friend but only lasted about 15 minutes before I left without saying anything.

I am shaking. I was doing much better with being apart. I still thought of her everyday but at least I was able to make it through work and school without breaking down, and I could go out with friends. I know that for at least the next week I'm going to be staring at my phone waiting for her to call. I guess I don't know what I'm looking for from you guys but I just need to get my story out there and maybe get some feedback. I'm dying inside.

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I'm sorry troubbble you had to go through this tonight. I know it's so hard seeing them and it forces repressed feelings to the surface.

 

I hope you don't mind but I read your previous post so I could get a better perspective of your relationship with your ex girlfriend. I know it's a battle to face up to it being over especially when you weren't the one who ended it really but up till now you have been coping well and I know this is difficult but please try to stay strong.

 

You will get through this and things will get easier for you in time you just have to stay focused. By all means cry and do whatever you need to let the feelings out as they are better out then bottled up in the long run but tomorrow go out and do something that usually would give you peace.

 

you are stronger then you think and you have support. Keep fighting and things will get easier for you.

 

My heart goes out to you tonight.

 

Tina x

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NC since Jan 29

 

who initiated NC

 

have you contacted her at all since the breakup? or was this the first time the two of you have seen each other/spoken since?

 

she may have been putting up a front, given that this happened in public - seriously, what kind of person approaches someone as though nothing happened? that's a big red flag man!

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She initiated NC. I want to talk to her. But I'm not going to break NC since she asked me for space. As far as HorseCraz's approach. I'd love to be able to do that, but I don't know that I can actually put on a show like that. It took all I had not to break down and tell her that I love her today, and the convo only lasted 3 minutes. Then I went home. I wish there were something I could do to win her back. But I don't think thats an option anymore.

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You guys are broken up. If you expected something from her, whatever it is, it's a misunderstanding.

 

You felt this way because you hoped for the better. You aren't fully healed or moved on yet. Get to the place of indifference. When you honestly don't even care to ever talk to her again. When you get to that point you will know, and once ur there, don't contact her. It's over. Many years from now, if she ever wants to catch up, she's gotta be the one to initiate. Right now, it's over.

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I truly believe it is love. But that doesn't make a difference. She has decided its over. She has initiated NC. I can't do ANYTHING. So I'm just stuck here alone suffering. If I tell her how I feel then I fail to respect her wishes to give her space.

I don't know who read my original post, but I am feeling more and more like when she said "I love you, I'll talk to you soon." She really meant. "I am looking for a way out. And since I know that I gave you false hope and "let you down gently" I can feel like I'm a good person after the way I left you for no good reason other than the fact that I didn't want to work on our relationship and I just wanted everything to work without trying, and blamed you for the rest of the bad things in my life and broke your heart."

It makes me angry. That someone I deeply care for and who claims to care for me could do this. It's been so long. If she cared for me she would have called before a month and a half had passed. She wouldn't have waited till I ran into her in some random place to see how I was doing.

She took the easy * * * * ing way out. And she is going to go her way and think that she did the right thing because she is too * * * * ing proud to be wrong. I knew she had these traits when I was with her, but she never turned them toward me. When she needed support and she felt like she needed to make a drastic change to fix things in her life I was there to support her. When she wanted to move accross the state to fix her employment situation I supported her leaving if thats what she had to do. When she came running back 6 months later I helped her find a place on short notice and helped her find new employment. Then when she the relationship gets stagnant she doesn't want to stick around and work on it, she wants to run away.

I know I'm beating myself up. and I know everyone is going to say that she's not worth it. But I'm only listing the bad things. She was my support, my best friend, my love, my family. And she ran away.

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I also want to say thank you to everyone on here who is giving me insight and suggestions. They may not ALWAYS be helpful but a lot of them are, and its go to know that there are other people out there who are kind enough to offer these words to help a man out in his time of need. You are all really helping me through a difficult time.

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troubbble, for what it's worth, i understand how painful it can be when you are trying to move on and you run into your ex.

 

a few things:

 

first, stop beating yourself up. you didn't flip out, you didn't cry, you didn't run away, you didn't start hitting on the nearest girl, you didn't make up a fake relationship to "show her" that you've moved on. as hard as it was, and i know you may feel like you wish you had reacted better, you did extremely, extremely well during the interaction. and you should be proud of yourself.

 

second, it may seem like she has completely moved on, or as if nothing has happened between you, but i can assure you that inside, she was a bit of a wreck as well. she might not be analyzing it as much as you, but trust me, she did. she spent time thinking about it after you left, and she does from time to time. people don't move from being in love to not being in love that quickly. she was trying just as hard to put up a false front as you were, and she was able to hide it from you.

 

third, you need to continue not seeing her, not calling, not emailing, and do not expect her to call. she might think about it from time to time, but probably not as much as you do, and it is not healthy to keep hoping for her to reinitiate contact. if you try to cling to her this way, there really is no hope for a future.

 

here's what you need to do. she told you she needs space. if nothing else, and i know you still love her, give her this space. completely. expect her not to call/text/show up, and don't wait for her. by hoping for her to make contact, you are really not giving her the space she wanted, and when you finally do have a longer interaction with her (and some time, probably in a few months, you will), she will be able to tell.

 

if you really want to ever have a chance with her, you need to have moved on. i know that sounds like a bit of a catch-22. but it is exactly what you need to do. you need to figure out what you want out of your life, get comfortable with yourself again. then, when you see her (and again, after a few months, when you've really gotten through this part and are ready), you can MAYBE make contact again, though it would really be better if it just happened naturally (at a friend's birthday or some event or something). if she sees that you are happy with herself, and she has gotten through the things that she has to deal with, then maybe things will click again.

 

but, she told you she needs to be alone right now, and you can't do anything to bring her back. you can only do things to push her away. and not contacting her is the RIGHT thing to do.

 

i'm in your corner, pulling for you, going through a breakup of my own. all the best.

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I saw you said you 'want her back with every ounce of you." I thought I'd mention that I know how hard that is...but the truth is that you can't possibly recreate that-- what you have with someone is like a river--can't step in the same spot twice. What happens between you is a one-time, one-try kind of shot, in that you only meet once, learn about her once, and show her who you are once. You want back a past time that was ideal for you (or mostly ideal) but even if you COULD find a way to try again, you'd start out with a different relationship since you really can't start over from scratch. I hope that makes a little sense-- for me, it helped me move on to realize that even if that person were to try again, they don't see you the same way they did that great 1st time around.

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Well for me personnaly I would still try and take my ex back. It has a 30 year history and , considering the huge gap in the middle manage to step back in almost to the same point. The thing is (even with my hopes) is how the other sees going back in to the relationship.

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So just an update. She texted me this morning to ask me if I had gone to a class that she had signed me up for and paid for for my birthday. I responded with "Yes. I'm enjoying it. Thank you for the gift." To which she responded "You are welcome." That was the end of it.

When I first got the message I debated over whether or not I should respond but decided to just acknowledge the question and not tag anything on the end. I told myself not to let it get my hopes up of more contact or let myself take it as a sign that she wanted to begin a dialogue again, but that plan failed I'm feeling a little better about it now I guess.

Anyone have any insight into what this contact may mean. I don't want to read into it, but I have a tendency to obsess. Just a friendly question to see how I am? or a means to start dialogue? or a way to * * * * with my head? I realize that it is a hard thing to read another persons mind but I'm interested to hear any thoughts.

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