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What is that pivotal moment that made you realize that it would only get better from that point on?


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I'm here at work and I'm bored, so humor me harhar.

 

After a breakup, especially if you've been dumped, your world turns upside down. But there will come a time when things will be okay. What is that pivotal moment that made you realize that it would only get better from that point onwards?

 

Mine are two moments.

 

1.) When he sent me a birthday greeting through text and I didn't recognize his number right away, so I was wondering who could've sent it. Took me a minute to realize that it was him who sent the message, and after that realization I felt surprised that he would greet me. It was then that I also realized that I wasn't waiting around for him to greet me because I just didn't care anymore, as opposed to last Christmas during which I constantly checked my cellphone to see if he remembered to send me even just a generic "Merry Christmas" my way.

 

2.) When he got into a car accident and had to be hospitalized for a few days. I didn't feel worried at all, didn't care if he lived or died. I didn't even feel tempted to send him a "get well soon" text message. I also didn't feel the need to know how he was doing, what the extent of his injuries were--just plain nothing.

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I've had a couple:

 

- When I saw him on the street in passing and it didn't ruin my quiet evening at home later on.

 

- When I finished painting my new apartment and realized how much I love having my own space. When alone didn't mean lonely.

 

He's never contacted me, so I have no worries there. But I'm slowly reaching the point where I could handle it if he did. But I don't obsess over it - and that is another pivotal moment in itself.

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when I came to realization that I was the one who put up with her crap and let her disrespect me, and that nothing is wrong with me.

 

Also when I didn't have the desire to check up on her status on AIM or even go on it anymore. It just sort of happened.

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When I had to change the sheets on our old bed for the first time since he stopped living with me, and I could do it all by myself.

It's king size so I always had trouble squeezing a tight sheet over the corners, and when I did it, I knew I wouldn't need him after all

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When I met him for coffee and watched him while he talked... feeling nothing for him anymore. And thinking that while he was nervous as hell.

 

When I first realized I went an entire day without thinking about him. Then forgetting him a few seconds later.

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Mine was really tonight.

 

I'd called him a couple days ago (broke NC >.

 

I'm kind of hoping he'll change his mind, but even so, his response to my offer would have torn me up just a few weeks ago. Now.. meh. It doesn't turn my world upside down and mostly I could care less. So I know I have made progress

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Well I still miss him but I can tell that I am moving on at least a little because I don't think about him 24/7 anymore. It's been about 2 months since the break up (of our 7+ yr. relationship) and I realized yesterday that I was enjoying my day. I do think of him at times, but before it was constant. Now, it's like every couple hours but it's not as painful when I do; something reminds me of him and I don't get all choked up or teary eyed. I just remember and then go on with what I'm doing.

 

Also, I find myself remembering more of his flaws. When I first posted on here back in January, I pretty much idolized him. I was in denial about the break up and thought he was Superman. Fast forward, I feel more independent now and kind of resent how seriously I took his "advice" and opinions. He was a great guy for the MOST part, but he'd often tell me what I should wear and eat and then nag me/bug me if I didn't want to do what he wanted. On the other hand, when I nicely suggested something to HIM, he'd overreact and act like I was pressuring him. I'm not a nagger...at least haven't been for a good while...so I see now that he was not treating me right by acting like little things I suggested were "pressure" to him. My expectations were very reasonable and for him to make me feel like they weren't was, in a sense, abusive.

 

For him to feel pressured by me asking about his school, etc. was HIS problem, not mine. He is still having problems (even though he's the dumper) and I'm dealing better (as the dumpee) so I KNOW that his problems were personal and this is proof that getting rid of me so he could "find himself" actually only shows him that his life is crappy with or without me and I don't have anything to do with it.

 

I am doing my best to forgive him. I still love him, of course. But my perspective is changing and I see him as an immature person who is too selfish to really love another person right now, although he has good intentions. He has a habit of running away in ALL aspects of his life so I am learning not to take this break up personally but as a reflection as his cowardice.

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Dating did it for me. Now I have two other fantastic women to think about at the moment. I wasted to much time already today thinking about my ex just from reading posting this.

 

The moment you want to spend time with,talking to, or thinking about someone more than your ex you are well on your way.

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when I came to realization that I was the one who put up with her crap and let her disrespect me, and that nothing is wrong with me.

 

Also when I didn't have the desire to check up on her status on AIM or even go on it anymore. It just sort of happened.

 

 

Dude. absolutely. i concur.

 

for me it was when i realized all the * * * * this new guy is going to have to pick up the slack for. he's going to have to be F*ing superman to match up. if he has an easy time, so be it, but he definatly wouldn't put up with the same * * * * .

 

I'm done with checking on myspace. i don't even go on.

 

And now, as i'm sitting in this enormous reading room at the suzzallo library at uw, i've realized how much i have to offer, and how much writing a paper helps me forget that she's gone.

 

I will have that pivital moment though. and it will be good. lol.

 

also, on a side note, i now remember how much i need to get back into kickboxing again... i think my first match will be another pivital moment.

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This past weekend.

 

We've been broken up for 8 months and this ENTIRE time I've been clinging to the idea of who she was when we were together. I saw a completely different side of her this past weekend when we spent time together. I saw a girl who was confused, mentally unstable, indecisive, and emotionally 'crippled'. That is NOT the woman I fell in love with, nor is it someone I would want to be with.

 

Additionally, that same evening, she told me that she was 'toxic' for me and unhealthy. If she can recognize that she's 'not right' and do nothing to work on it, even AFTER she's told me countless times that she loves me, then why would I want her in my life?

 

Ive gotten over the hard part of the break up and have exhausted all of my efforts. I've said all Ive wanted to and put it all on the line. If someone chooses to not be with you after ALL OF THAT, screw 'em...movin' on and I'll be A-OK!

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Waiting for the moment as well. And it's been over 9 months. Mostly NC but a touch of LC in between - big mistake.

 

I keep on hoping I will have the experience of another poster: See him with new eyes and know he is not right for me. The opposite keeps on happening - I feel he is still in love, and so am I. So stupid when I really look at it.

 

I'm certainly stronger these days, and in fact shut down a suggestion to see him again a few weeks ago. Not going to give him the satisfaction - so I guess maybe I HAVE had that moment?

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I'm certainly stronger these days, and in fact shut down a suggestion to see him again a few weeks ago. Not going to give him the satisfaction - so I guess maybe I HAVE had that moment?

 

Maybe not the pivotal moment, but definitely a moment that brings you closer to it.

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Dude. absolutely. i concur.

 

for me it was when i realized all the * * * * this new guy is going to have to pick up the slack for. he's going to have to be F*ing superman to match up. if he has an easy time, so be it, but he definatly wouldn't put up with the same * * * * .

 

And now, as i'm sitting in this enormous reading room at the suzzallo library at uw, i've realized how much i have to offer, and how much writing a paper helps me forget that she's gone.

 

I noticed this because

1. My ex goes to uw

2. His girlfriend will also have to put up with an enormous amout of crap. No one will be there for him like I was.

 

 

As for turning point? I don't think I've had mine yet. I did feel different when I got back to school after winter break (very, very far away from home/him)

and I thought, "it's time to detach myself, because that break was hell."

Don't think its THE turning point though.

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