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I've just been having such a hard time with certain things lately. I've been trying to get into college, and I keep running into obstacles because my parents either didn't do something or won't do something. It's just really wearing on me. I took a gap year, so I don't have a counselor or anyone helping me. It's just me, and I've worked so hard to go to college. I just feel so discouraged whenever I run into snags that don't have anything to do with me. I would hate to not be able to go because someone else didn't do anything.


These past few days have been like hell for me because I've been jumping through hoops with the college trying to make up for something my Mom didn't do. I finally fixed it today, but I just feel so exhausted. I just feel trapped here and I keep thinking about how if I kill myself, I'll be free. I've had problems at home all my life, and my outlet is college.


The main reason I haven't done it is I don't want to make my boyfriend sad. I don't have any friends, and I can't go out on my own because all my money goes towards college-related things.

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I'm glad you wrote. And I'm so glad you wrote here where we could read it and respond. You'll receive lots of good responses here, many from people who have felt very much the same as you.


I'm so sorry you feel the way you do. It is discouraging, isn't it, when it seems like everyday is just an uphill climb from where you rested the night before? And in your case, there's not much rest between uphill climbs. Perhaps that is part of the problem, exhaustion, and if so the remedy is to be found in getting some rest and taking some time for yourself.


But I know that's not the whole of it. Other things are going on. I'm sure you feel let down by your parents and at the same time, overwhelmed by the enormity of the college experience. It is daunting, to be sure.


Many people walk into the doors of college without the aid of parents at all. If you took a year off, I'm guessing you are 18 now and hence an adult when it comes to college. It's a big chore to pull off by yourself but you can do it. Sounds like part of your trouble is overcoming some damage done by parents. Doing so without becoming angry at them presents another challenge.


Can you set some very small, finite goals each day and declare, ahead of time, that the day will be a success if you accomplish those tasks? One friend of mine mentioned several times one week that he had a leaky toilet that was annoying him. After about the third time, I pointed out to him that he'd spent far more time worrying about it and being annoyed than he would have fixing it. In fact, the fix took little over 5 minutes. He felt wonderfully free and unannoyed (and silly!) after fixing it. Sometimes its not the size of the challenge but the weight of its worry that overwhelms us. Try to isolate a few things and get them done, however small. You'll feel the progress toward a bigger goal and that progress will give you hope that you can go on until tomorrow.


And I would encourage you to include small goals for your physical, spiritual, and intellectual well being as well. Climb a flight of stairs each day; read 2 pages in a book you've been wanting to finish; or, attend a religious service on a regular basis. My encouragement would be to just keep yourself moving on a growth path in all these areas in your life.


You'll find these days will pass soon enough and a routine will arrive, bringing with it the joys of being a student, a human, and a girlfriend to that boy who obviously cares for you.


Hang in there. You can and will do it. I know it. And come here for help anytime. We're glad to have you.


Keep us posted.

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