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my girlfriend and i were together for 5 years. we have split a few times because thats what i thought i wanted. this time she called the shot and it hurts very much. its been a month now and she said she wanted to work on it but then she doesnt. she says she wants to pursue someone else. during this month of seperation we have spent a lot of time together and even spent the night together. last nght she tells me she's confused again and was making out with this guy she says she wants to pursue. now keep in mind there is a history of stepping out on the relationship between the 2 of us. i started it and did it twice. she has done it approx 8 times so she says. she says she loves me and that i was the one she has always wanted. my problem is i cant commit to marrying her. honestly i have filled her with empty promises, but it doesnt mean that i don't love her because i do very much. i have shut down emotionally and have been that way for quite some time. this breakup has opened my eyes and prompted me to start counseling for my depression and lack of self esteem. i want her back and she wants her space. i want to give it to her but its so very hard. i dont like the thought of her not being here.

 

there is so much more in this equation but too much to type. i will fill in as we go but i desperately would like someone one to talk to on a regular basis who has advise and understands. i dont have many friends because im not a social kind of person. i hope there is someone there.......

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I used to be involved in a relationship just like the one u just described and from HER point of view I can sympathize. You probably made ur gf lose alot of trust for u and I can understand she probably reached her limits. I guess this is what they say Karma is a bi*ch.

If you are serious about really getting your gf back and actually working towards a future TOGETHER then by all means do whatever u need to do to better yourself and prove to her things will be different. But if u know in ur heart u cant give her what she wants and deserves then let her be with someone who will give her that.

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There will always be issues from this point on. Cracked glass never seals right.

 

You have learned and grown from your mistakes. It's ok to be just the way you are. Why change?

 

From now on, I'd rather see you devote all your energy in to the pursuit of someone new. No past to worry about. A chance to focus on a new goal. Think about how great it will be to fall in love all over again with someone new and not worry about your ex anymore. So many people out there in the same boat so you are bound to meet someone new.

 

I was depressed over a few girls in my day. One loss almost killed me. But, the next woman was better each time and I had to remember that I have a lot to offer and I come from "good stock" as my mom once told me.

 

Hang in there.

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This relationship has been very toxic for a long time and I am not so sure it can really be fixed at this point. Both of you cheated on each other, you have committment issues which are not going to suddenly disappear, you have broken up with her many times, shut her out etc. Your issues will not take 5 minutes to fix..could take months or even years for you to change...and even if you take her back, will the changes be long-term or will you revert back to your old ways? Right now she has become a habit to you....you feel you lost her so you are trying desperate measures to get her back...that kind of tactic has been done before by many people who have issues like yours...problem is once they get back together they revert back to their old behaviours. I think it is time for you to move on, realize your mistakes, work on your behaviour patterns and maybe in a year or so, if you are both single, you can make a fresh start with her. You both need considerable time apart to heal the wounds you inflicted on each other.

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i know that it is in the best interest of both of us that i should just let her go, but its easier said than done. and the fact that she already has another man on the line just triples the gut wrenching feelings. karma is a b*tch and i do believe in it, but how much does one have to take? dranted i just started but HOLY COW!!!!! couldnt she have at least waited a little longer to hook up with someone????? she may as well have kicked me in the nuts and punched me in the face. that would have felt better.

 

i appretiate the advice that everyone is giving. it does help me to look at it in a different way. sometimes i get tunnel vision and focus on the wrong things.....okay...a lot of times i do that. this helps me to take a step back and rethink it a little bit....thank you all.

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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