forever1130 Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 She left him a comment on facebook thanking him for the dinner last night. I'm so mad right now, I don't know even know what to make of it. They've been good friends since highschool, dated for about 4 years and remained friends after they broke up, which is fine but this is just crossing the line if you ask me! It makes me wonder if he's cheating on me because even though we've been dating for awhile we still haven't had sex (I'm only 17 and just not ready for that, he knows this and has always said that he would wait till I was ready). I'm so scared that since he's not getting it from me, he's gonna get it from somewhere else, and in this case his ex. He's at work right now, so I can't call him and ask him what its all about. I thought about sending a quick text just to see what he has to say and hopefully to put my mind at ease, but don't know if that's the best way to go about it. So what do you think? Am I overreacting? Do you think there could be something more going on between them? I'm a mess right now! --- UPDATE: Bascially, I overreacted and it wasn't a romantic candle lit dinner with just him and his ex or anything like that. There were like 4 other people there including my bf's roommate, 2 brothers and one of their gf's who is friends with the ex. He reassured me that absolutely nothing happened and appologized like crazy for everything! Link to comment
avman Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 I think this is something best talked about face to face. It would be too easy to misinterpret something using text or even on the phone. I'd tell him you need to see him and talk about something. Then bring it up and see what happens. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Did he not tell you about the dinner beforehand? Did he tell you he was going to see her? If he didn't, I'd be extremely angry. Link to comment
forever1130 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 Did he not tell you about the dinner beforehand? Did he tell you he was going to see her? If he didn't, I'd be extremely angry. NOPE! I knew nothing about it. I guess this explains why he never replied to my text last night. I checked my facebook a little bit ago and decided to see if anything new was on his page and the first thing I read is.... "Thanks so much for making me dinner last night, that was too sweet! Although two straight hours of karaoke was a little too much for me... maybe if I'm not sick. Have a beautiful and fabulous day!" I feel sick to my stomach right now. Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Dinner? Is he for real? This is something for face to face confrontation for sure. I would load the computer screen with the page and ask..please explain. That behaviour is just wrong...it doesnt look good as far as trust goes. Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 I'm sorry that you're feeling that way right now. I can't totally say that you're overreacting right now, because you don't know the whole story of the situation. In regards to sending a text, I would hold off on that until you get to speak to him on the phone, that way he has no time to think of an excuse. If he tells you, yes he did in fact cook dinner for his ex-gf, then you have every right to be upset. Trust me, I would be as well. However, until you get a clear idea of the whole situation, just give him the benefit of the doubt right now. Good luck. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 NOPE! I knew nothing about it. I guess this explains why he never replied to my text last night. I checked my facebook a little bit ago and decided to see if anything new was on his page and the first thing I read is.... "Thanks so much for making me dinner last night, that was too sweet! Although two straight hours of karaoke was a little too much for me... maybe if I'm not sick. Have a beautiful and fabulous day!" I feel sick to my stomach right now. I would be extremely angry and upset if my boyfriend did that. Even if nothing happened....why wouldn't he tell me? I find that to be disrespectful to me that he wouldn't have told me. I'd confront him face to face. Link to comment
sosilver Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 I think this is something best talked about face to face. It would be too easy to misinterpret something using text or even on the phone. I'd tell him you need to see him and talk about something. Then bring it up and see what happens. Exactly, talk face to face. Dont sound like you suspect anything or made your mind up about his actions. Link to comment
mariposa81 Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Wow. He cooked dinner for his ex and didn't mention it to you at all? I'm sure I would feel the same way about it if I were you. But I agree that this is something best discussed face to face with him. Texts can be misinterpreted or you could be left hanging if he doesn't respond within what you would consider a reasonable time frame. Wait to speak in person. Link to comment
jul-els Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 I think avman has a good point about giving him the benefit of the doubt, although from what you have said he doesn't appear to have much wiggle room. Did the two of you mutually agree on an abstinent relationship? If so, then he needs to stop leading you on if he's looking for sex. If not, then you don't really have much to be mad about as he is just trying to get his needs met. But, if you did, and it turns out he did make her a dinner then I would send him packing for dumpsville. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. That is exactly how I would handle it if I were in your shoes. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Did the two of you mutually agree on an abstinent relationship? If so, then he needs to stop leading you on if he's looking for sex. What do you mean by this? Link to comment
SoMuchLove Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Yea. I'd say your overracting though I know how you feel your reaction is reasonable. Try not so much to think about it as it'd just drive you crazy. If I could cook I'd randomly make dinner for people and it wouldn't be a big deal. Just communicate with him about it and hear what he says. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 His ex must have known that he didn't tell you, unless he lied to her and said you knew about it otherwise she wouldn't have posted it on his wall. She could be doing it to cause conflict between the two of you. I don't think it makes any difference whether they agreed on an abstinent relationship or not, that's like saying it's OK to cheat as long as you haven't agreed not to. Link to comment
forever1130 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 I think avman has a good point about giving him the benefit of the doubt, although from what you have said he doesn't appear to have much wiggle room. Did the two of you mutually agree on an abstinent relationship? If so, then he needs to stop leading you on if he's looking for sex. If not, then you don't really have much to be mad about as he is just trying to get his needs met. But, if you did, and it turns out he did make her a dinner then I would send him packing for dumpsville. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. That is exactly how I would handle it if I were in your shoes. This is where it gets good... When we started dating I was only 16 and obviously not ready for that. I told him this and he was fine with it and told me that he would wait till i was ready. Being that I am younger (live at home, curfew, etc) and he's a little bit older, 22, we never really get a chance to be alone. Cause if we did chances are i would probably be ready to take it to that next step. It's not like I told him I'm waiting for marriage or anything cause I'm not. I guess i need to wait and figure out the whole story before jumping to conclusions. For all I know, he could have made dinner for a bunch a friends and she just happened to be one of them. I hope this is the case... I don't want to lose him. He is a great guy and this is the first thing that has ever made me question our trust. Link to comment
jul-els Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 What do you mean by this? I'm asking if the two of them have agreed on a mutually exclusive relationship sans sex. Link to comment
forever1130 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 She cold be doing it to cause conflict between the two of you. I wouldnt doubt that... She's always been jealous that her dumped for a 17 year old lol Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 I think the chances are slim that it was for a group of people and she just happened to be thereas she said "for making "me" dinner". You have every right to be annoyed but try to keep your cool when you talk to him. I know this might sound a bit ott but if I were you I would do a print screen just incase the message gets deleted before you have chance to talk to him. Link to comment
jul-els Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 This is a grey area. He said he would "wait for you" but that means he wants sex. A male who wants sex will look elsewhere after going without for an extended period of time. That's just the way it is. Don't expect too much from him because you will only be setting yourself up to be let down. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 I wouldnt doubt that... She's always been jealous that her dumped for a 17 year old lol Ah so he dumped her for you. Well I would be very wary of what her intentions are. Even if she doesn't want him for herself there is nothing stopping her trying to mess up your relationship for the hell of it. There are a lot of sick and twisted people in the world. Link to comment
forever1130 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 This is a grey area. He said he would "wait for you" but that means he wants sex. A male who wants sex will look elsewhere after going without for an extended period of time. That's just the way it is. Don't expect too much from him because you will only be setting yourself up to be let down. That's what I'm worried about. and as much as i want it to not be true, I know it is Link to comment
forever1130 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 I'm asking if the two of them have agreed on a mutually exclusive relationship sans sex. I thought we were mutually exclusive when it came to sex. I guess I could be wrong though. wow this sucks lol Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 This is a grey area. He said he would "wait for you" but that means he wants sex. A male who wants sex will look elsewhere after going without for an extended period of time. That's just the way it is. Don't expect too much from him because you will only be setting yourself up to be let down. Well you have a point but I would say most men want sex. But for a lot of them, it's not all they want so I think it is unfair to say that. Saying he would wait for her to me means that he will stick around until she is ready for it, without pressure. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Has he hung out with her at all before while you guys have been dating? Link to comment
jul-els Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 That's what I'm worried about. and as much as i want it to not be true, I know it is You know it in your gut, but that is not always 100% accurate. It can be relied on most of the time, but not always. Ask him about it first. Then you will know for sure. Just try not to get too worked up about it yet. Wait for his answer and then do what you think is best. Link to comment
jul-els Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Well you have a point but I would say most men want sex. But for a lot of them, it's not all they want so I think it is unfair to say that. Saying he would wait for her to me means that he will stick around until she is ready for it, without pressure. But does that mean he won't look for it elsewhere? This is what I mean by a "grey area". Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.