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Driving me insane.


absurdism

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I'm not one for asking for help regarding these things but here it goes. I've been seeing this girl for maybe over a month, we talk lots and hang out occasionally on weekends, we've kissed a few times, nothing serious i guess. Apparently, i've heard from a few of her friends that she was waiting for me to make it "official". See the thing is, this girl has never had a real relationship, we're both 18 by the way. So i was planning on doing it sometime this week, or the weekend, but yesterday she told me that she likes me a lot, but she isn't ready for a relationship yet, she was with a guy for about a year but she says they weren't exactly dating. she's told me stories of how complicated it was, he was pretty abusive to her and generally not a nice guy. how do i interept this? is she letting me down gently or being honest? she said she would tell me when shes ready to date me, she never used the word "Friends" at all either. she still wants to hang out. Should i waste my time pursuing her when it could be fruitless? or should i just sever communications? I don't really feel like waiting around for nothing..

 

Thanks!

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It just seems so odd, she always tells me how much she likes me, sometimes its pretty creepy what she says. i sort of understand why she doesn't want to be into a relationship, because of the previous guy. shes told me that she doesn't want to rush into things, and have a real meaningful relationship with me.

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Playing hard to get maybe?

Maybe. Too be honest if she just told me she didn't like me that much anymore, i'd be perfectly fine with it, because then at least i would know for sure. I really really really hate vagueness. It's why i really haven't bothered with relationships until now. This is so difficult for me because i never really become attracted to that many females, and she told me we had some sort of connection together. So i was pretty excited about having a relantionship.

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i'd tell her like this:

 

'i'm going to have to move on. i'm looking for a relationship. i wish you the best.'

 

i bet she is all over you after that.

I agree with this - although I wouldn't guarantee the 'all over you' part. But it is the best thing to do because even if she isn't all over you then you will be able to move on and find someone who is.
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I agree with this - although I wouldn't guarantee the 'all over you' part. But it is the best thing to do because even if she isn't all over you then you will be able to move on and find someone who is.

 

yeah, i can't guarantee the all over you thing as i was just being facetious. but i bet that she shows more and more interest that she'd be kind of jealous that you are just going to move on with some other girl.

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I would do what you suggested but i feel so strongly about her i don't want to move on and i don't want to make her feel bad if she actually feels just as strongly as i do. She even said she feels the same way, but now wants to get to know me better so it's "Real". Why is stuff like this so confusing? Why can't people just be honest. * * * * .

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Cqant she make it more 'real' by being official? Is it that huge a deal to her? Surely dating is pretty much the same.

Yeah, it's so shocking because we pretty much act like a couple, holding hands, kissing, things of a sexual nature...no sex though.

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The best comes last lol!! You wont know until you ask, if she asks you to wait until shes more ready its up to you if you do or not.

I asked her a bunch of questions straight up like "if you didn't like being around me anymore, you would be honest and tell me?" and she said yes of course. should i believe that? i find it hard to trust anyone these days, especially in things like this.

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I know I find it hard to trust too. Id take her at her word for now. But...are you afraid to ask to make it official incase she says no?

I don't know, the whole relationship thing doesn't bother me THAT much. it's just that im an analytical and introspective person by nature, so when people say things like that i can't help but think about them x100 more than most people. i just want to know if she still feels as strongly about me as she said she did like a day before she told me all of this. i'll probably never know, i think i'm just going to say ferk it. if she still feels strongly, but doesn't want to date i'd be fine with it. after all, we've only known each other for about a month.

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If you can enjoy it how it is now and stop worrying itll probably progress naturally and you'll just be boyfriend and girlfriend.

yeah that's what i originally assumed what would happen, i wasn't even going to bother to ask her out "officially" until i heard her friends saying she sort of wanted me to.

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If she isn't ready for a relationship because of her sort-of-ex then she needs to be alone to get over whatever it was before she starts going out with someone else. Don't be a band-aid for whatever 'wounds' she suffers because, just like real band-aids, you will get tossed aside when the wound is healed.

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