anon1409 Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Hello, first off I'd like to apologize for my English as I'm not a native speaker so I'll try to keep it as simple as possible even though my problem seems very complex to me. I'm an 18 y/o student, slim, tall, mid-long almost black hair ... just normal looking I guess. I'm shy and not very good with words. I attend a tech school (electronics). There are 500 students at our school, only 15 of which are girls and I fell in love with one of them. She is the only girl in our class. I liked her from the first moment I saw her. She is just as tall as me you see, we're both 6'3" or 6'4". She is a very funny, happy, kind and friendly person. We started as really good friends (just friends, nothing more) but then my class mates started noticing that I'm spending a lot of time with her (commuting to and from school with her every day, talking to her during breaks etc) and they made some jokes. She distanced from me and it bothered me for months. Last Friday I couldn't take it anymore and invited her for a beer and told her how much I like her. She said she is sorry but will have to say no because she had bad experience with dating classmates in the past. She said that I'm attractive, nice and tall (which is important to her) but she's made the mistake of dating a class mate more than once and always regretted it. I told her that I'm sad to hear it and that I think we could have been perfect together. I told her that I'm not angry at her and that I still want to be friends with her if that's ok with her. She said we can still be friends even though it will be weird for a while. It's been a week and she has been pretty much ignoring me since then, we barely say hi to each other and that's all. Why is she like this? I don't want to give up on her, I really like her but I tried talking to her one more time but she said she thinks we've discussed everything and there is nothing more to discuss. On Tuesday I dropped by because I needed something for school and we talked a bit more, I asked her about a prom that SHE invited me to a month ago. She said we won't go there (I wasn't really expecting that we'd go there, just wanted to get the conversation going). I told her that I think to her I'm just another guy that finds her attractive, she only smiled when I said that, didn't really say "no you're more than that" or anything. She also said it's be better if we didn't hang out at all for a while now, I asked her if she'd tell me when she feels like hanging out with me again, she said that she will but doesn't know how long it will take (seriously, does anyone know why she'd say this?). I understand her fear of dating class mates because we'd either have to pretend to be only friends at school or we'd get a LOT of attention. But why is she ignoring me like this? When I try talking to her she responds normally and goes back to ignoring me but when some of my class mates (who already have girl friends and we all know it) approach her she starts joking with them, laughing and stuff. From what she told me about her past relationships it seems that she's fallen for some bad guys or I don't know... Is it possible that she's testing me (even after all she said to me)? Or was she lying when she said she thinks I'm attractive and nice? I mean if a girl has an attractive&nice friend who tells her he likes her why would she stop being friends with him? I feel that the only thing left of our friendship is a cold silence that's killing me.... Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 i'm assuming you are a guy.... anyways, she's not interested in you man. you want to be her friend in hopes that it will turn into something. i can tell by what you posted. you should never do this. she probably senses it and is distancing herself from you as much as possible. she's giving you short answers or none at all probably trying to give you that signal. stop trying. Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 I mean if a girl has an attractive&nice friend who tells her he likes her why would she stop being friends with him? Because she told you she wasn't interested in dating you, and you won't let it drop. From your post, you keep bringing it up, asking for clarification, trying to persuade her, etc. She probably feels her only option right now is to distance herself from you. It's understandable. Link to comment
anon1409 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 i'm assuming you are a guy.... anyways, she's not interested in you man. you want to be her friend in hopes that it will turn into something. i can tell by what you posted. you should never do this. she probably senses it and is distancing herself from you as much as possible. she's giving you short answers or none at all probably trying to give you that signal. stop trying. You are correct. I'd feel better if she said that I'm not her type or that she doesn't find me attractive but her telling me off because we're class mates and telling me that I'm attractive confused me. I thought she'd at least be friends with me, that way I wouldn't feel the need to talk to her more but I guess I should just get out of her way for now. Still, she used to make me really happy when we talked and we always had a good time and I miss that and what really makes me sad is that our friendship might never be the same again, because she used to be the funniest and friendliest person I knew. And nowadays she's having an awesome time with my class mates (who are my only other friends) every day while all I can do is watch from accross the room. I feel like s***. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 you can still interact with your other friends. just don't show her much attention. i could see you just wanting to be with her in the back of your head but masking it as 'freindship'. you should never do that. Link to comment
anon1409 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 you can still interact with your other friends. just don't show her much attention. i could see you just wanting to be with her in the back of your head but masking it as 'freindship'. you should never do that. I know I wasn't afraid of interacting with my friends but you're right, I shouldn't pay attention to her, that way she'll know I'm over her and we can be friends again (hopefully that's what she wants). Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 I know I wasn't afraid of interacting with my friends but you're right, I shouldn't pay attention to her, that way she'll know I'm over her and we can be friends again (hopefully that's what she wants). who cares what she wants. you should only worry about you. that's what life is. Link to comment
anon1409 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 who cares what she wants. you should only worry about you. that's what life is. Yeah man, I'd always been like that till I met her, then I kind of changed and actually started caring about her more than about myself. Now I'm starting to realize that the best thing to do for both of us is for me to care about myself again. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Yeah man, I'd always been like that till I met her, then I kind of changed and actually started caring about her more than about myself. Now I'm starting to realize that the best thing to do for both of us is for me to care about myself again. nice interpretation and recognition of the flaw you created. good work. Link to comment
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