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Booze me up, will ya?


sweetooth

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So I'm wondering if I have the right to feel put off by this. I had posted an old thread about proposing dutch and most of you said no. Well, this guy took way too long to even try and grab the bill so I was getting uncomfortable and did not want to pick up the tab AGAIN for dinner (been seeing each other 2 months) so I ended up suggesting that we both split it. He said yes without any hesitation. Anyway, we did not have plans after so he ended up purchasing a bottle of wine and going back to my place. So you can't pay dinner for me or even remotely offer but you can booze me up?

 

A couple days after we got dessert and well, I made it to the cash register first so I paid for both. He acted surprised, said thank you but it's like...sooo...you weren't even going to try and buy me icecream? This isn't about the money (but it is starting to be....unfortunately) but the fact that he does not try to offer is kind of turning me off. I suggested icecream because it was a cheapo date so it's not like we're doing super expensive places. Am I wrong to feel this way?

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Why don't you each just pay for your own thing? This way there's no business of who owes who what. Or go by the rule of whoever suggests it, should pay.

 

But considering the economy right now, is it really fair to expect him to pay all the time or for you to pay for everything? Just split the check, or pay seperately, makes things easier!

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Yes I did suggest ice cream however there were times where he had asked me out, for example, one time he ended up paying for most and I guess he didn't have enough because then asked me if I had two dollars to pitch in. I'm like....really? Well if you didn't have enough in the first place......

 

I don't expect him to give me a free ride, but don't just sit there staring at the dam bill! lol

 

Maybe I shouldn't be dating then huh.

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Yes I did suggest ice cream however there were times where he had asked me out, for example, one time he ended up paying for most and I guess he didn't have enough because then asked me if I had two dollars to pitch in. I'm like....really? Well if you didn't have enough in the first place......

 

I don't expect him to give me a free ride, but don't just sit there staring at the dam bill!

 

What does this guy do for work? What would you say the ratio is of him picking up the bill compared to you?

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First date, I pay. After that, I will make arrangements beforehand, so it doesn't get confusing.

My SLF and I had a nice arrangement when we went X-mas shopping....whoever drove didn't have to pay for dinner.

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Okay now I'm going to get ripped on. We're both full time students with part time jobs but telling me to pitch in 2 dollars? Shouldn't you make sure you have enough cash before you decide to pay? That just reminded me of the guy awhile back who suggested dinner, got dinner and then told me to pay tip. Really???

 

I guess next time we get together I'll tell him to plan something but from now on I guess just split the bill, no matter how uncomfortable I get. I'm just used to people taking turns grabbing the whole bill, which is still fair. Up until at lease your bf/gf....

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I guess I would feel weird talking to him about it, especially since we are not exclusive (been dating about 2 months). I guess it is almost 50/50, considering last time we split dinner and then he bought wine....but I guess it's kind of lame to me that you can't even buy me dinner, as I have for him. I admit, I am used to guys being a little more generous to me.

 

Oh I don't know anymore, just tell me I'm being dumb.

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Okay now I'm going to get ripped on. We're both full time students with part time jobs but telling me to pitch in 2 dollars? Shouldn't you make sure you have enough cash before you decide to pay? That just reminded me of the guy awhile back who suggested dinner, got dinner and then told me to pay tip. Really???

 

I guess next time we get together I'll tell him to plan something but from now on I guess just split the bill, no matter how uncomfortable I get. I'm just used to people taking turns grabbing the whole bill, which is still fair. Up until at lease your bf/gf....

 

I'm a little confused about what is bothering you.

 

It sounds like he used up all of the money in his wallet to pay for the majority of the bill, but came up a little short. Since the whole "nickel and dime" thing sounds like it's important to you (although I'm probably reading this wrong), wouldn't you rather pay two dollars than half of the bill? There have been multiple times when I've gone out with a friend or a boyfriend and he's paid the bill and I've paid the tip. I guess I'm not sure what's wrong with that?

 

It sounds like your preferred method is to pay for the entire bill, taking turns, is that correct? If this is SO important to you, why don't you just tell him, "Hey, I'll get the entire bill this time, and you'll get the entire bill next time. Ok?" It just sounds like he's more relaxed about splitting things approximately, so if you're feeling uptight about this it's your responsibility to speak up.

 

I guess it would be helpful to be more specific about what's actually bothering you here. Do you think he should be paying for everything all of the time since he's the guy?

 

YS

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I admit, I am used to guys being a little more generous to me.

 

I think more and more men (and women as well) are becoming more and more aware of how basically unfair it is for the man to pay more than the woman when dating and are just not going to do it any more. It's just part of the ever-evolving dating world. How equity is reached doesn't bother them - but they aren't going to allow themselves to feel someone has taken advantage of them.

 

This change is, I believe, being accelerated by the economy - many people can barely afford to date at all and certainly can't afford to subsidise their dates when they do go out even to any extent.

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I'm glad I wrote this thread because getting an outside prespective really helps and I've been thinking about this all day. I admit, I am more impulsive with my money and my main problem is learning to budget and balance dating with that. I think from now on we'll just split the bill and try to keep dates cheap. I admit I am used to being a little (hate to say it) spoiled. Thanks ENA

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Let's see....my ex expected me to pay for:

 

Wine and various food items one day a week,

Dinner Friday,

Breakfast, lunch and dinner Saturday,

Dinner Sunday,

In addition to various coffee runs here and there during the weekend, as well as her lottery tickets and whatever else we decided to do over the weekend,

 

Yeah...basically everything. I can count on both hands the amount of times she offered to pay. When I asked her if she could chip in, it was "I don't have any money, I have to pay bills, etc." Like I don't have to pay any of those. I wound up spending $300-400 a month on our dates. Then she'd drop $90 here and there on clothes. "I have no money"...yeah, right.

 

Yeah...ice cream? Pssh. I'd love to have a girl who would at least pay for that, let alone be content with spending a weekend in. Your bf should be happy to buy you a freaking scoop of ice cream.

 

Her solution? "I'll cook for us once or twice a week, then you can save money". She'd cook dinner once a week, maybe. Then later in the week, when she was supposed to cook, she'd say: "I'm too tired. Go get me breakfast at McDonald's?" or "I'm tired. Can you make breakfast?" She'd cook once, then ask me to make that extra run for food and stuff, which would equal or exceed the cost of me paying for a meal anyway.

 

Of course she was sorry when I left her - she had it made.

 

Sorry if it comes off that I'm hijacking your thread. Your post just hit a nerve and helped me put things in perspective. Definitely - establish a deal.

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Early on I expect the guy to pay or at least attempt to (I will offer, pay the tip, and surprise him... like if he takes me out for dinner one night, I'll pay for movie tickets ahead of time the next night, surprise him with dinner, etc). If he isn't trying to impress me early on, what's he gonna be like a year into the relationship?

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Early on I expect the guy to pay or at least attempt to (I will offer, pay the tip, and surprise him... like if he takes me out for dinner one night, I'll pay for movie tickets ahead of time the next night, surprise him with dinner, etc). If he isn't trying to impress me early on, what's he gonna be like a year into the relationship?
If you aren't trying to impress him in the same way - what are you going to be like a year into the relationship? That is a double-edged sword.

 

"Judge not lest ye be judged."

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I am trying to impress him as well, of course. It goes both ways.

 

It's not give and take. It's giving and it goes in both directions.

 

I am not at all cheap, I'm very generous (being a Leo and I find cheapness a turn-off.

Providing he is generous first?
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Providing he is generous first?

 

Yes.

 

Not all guys like it, I'm sure, but it works for me. The ones who are worth it (to me) don't mind and even agree with my thinking.

 

And the quote about judging - of course I will be judging him early on, and he should be judging me too. Not in a hatin' kind of way. That would suck, but I'm sure it happens. But judging our potential compatibility.

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Well, whatever works for you. I suspect you will find that increasing numbers of men, especially now, will be expecting women to be much more equal in showing their generosity - or at least their willingness not to take advantage and will be adversely judging women who expect this sort of imbalance. Apart from the basic unfairness it just won't work economically. It's too expensive to constantly pay for the first date and sometimes subsequent dates in these economic times and there will be an increasing expectation that women cease to take advantage of outdated notions.

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Dinner out, especially at good restaurants, can be pricey.

 

There are lots of other activities you can do together that don't involve an outlay of cash.

 

How about going for a long walk? or a hike? to a museum? to an outdoor play or free evening concert? skating? etc There is a tonne of free stuff in most cities.

 

Students are often broke - and spending the money you do have wisely is important, especially if you have student loans.

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