footdr1 Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 My story…I am living with my GF and our kids, she works evening and gets out at 9:00 and normally retuns home around 9:30 or so ..Now as a background I have been cheated on in the past and perhaps I worry too much, but my ex wife ran on me in this same fashion and I get scared…. So the GF doesn't come home on time and calls at 10:45 that she is on her way , forgot her phone in the car ( I tried to call her several times) and says had to work late and she was out with the girls at work eating Pizza…on the way home she has another call and I said who is calling you..she said "no one called it was a sherrif going by and I didn't want to get a ticket…" and then she yelled about me being too paranoid and clingy and I worry too much… so this morning I go on our Cell phone carrier's web page to pay the bill and I look at her usage…well she has been calling and texting another guy who she says is her friend , but says she only taked to him once….. She called him when she got out of work at 9:05 then he did call her when she was talking to me on the way home… so I feel terible that I looked at the cell phone carrier ( yes Its my plan , our kids and us are on it ) I always promised that I wouldn't look , but something just didn't feel right… we live together, combine our incomes , pay all the household bills together, have vacations planned for this summer and I thought we were honest with each other when she came home she apologized for not calling , but was mad that I asked who was calling her, she said "who would be calling me at that time " I didn't know and apologized….. she said she loves me and doesn't want to be with any one else and I shouldn't worry like that,she would never cheat on me etc.... What should I do , I have to travel for work next week and feel like I am losing her…..should I confront her and tell her I looked at the cell phone bill, she told me I had nothing to worry about regarding US....:sad: Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 hmmm. i'd check it when i got back. you had suspicion, you checked, and not you have some validation. sucks man. really does. i've never had something like this happen, so i really can't tell you where to go in the best way. if it was me, i would definitely bring up the findings though. if she gets defensive, you'd have to analyze how her reaction goes. it is kind of weird how she just forgets her phone and doesn't talk for a little bit and this isn't normal behavior. could just be bad coincidence and the call was a guy but a wrong number, she did go out for pizza with the girls, and she did forget the phone. i'd keep an eye for more though. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 I might not confront her just yet, keep your eye on it and see what else happens. Not really enough evidence to conclude cheating, just lying. But why the heck do you feel bad for looking on the bill? She lied like you thought, so looks like you're vindicated Link to comment
footdr1 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 I feel bad that I had to "check up" on her, that I should trust what she said, but its there on the statement in black and white, she talked with this guy like 10 times in one day , she called him before and after work, and on the way home, it wasn't a wrong nuber when you talk for 10 minutes each time...and if this was just a guy friend calling why wouldn't she be honest with me and tell me instead of lying about it..I think she just went out for coffee with the guy, which is ok...but it does bother me as we used to meet up for coffee after her work, now I am home with her son while she is out with another man??? Doesn't seem right.... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 It sounds like she is cheating on you..if not physical at this point, certainly emotional. If she had nothing to hide with this guy she would have been open and honest with you rather than getting on the defensive and hurling accusations. Her reaction is typical of someone who is doing something wrong and wants to deflect the questions. I would suggest you confront her now..the sooner the better. If she tries to attack you for snooping don't let her twist it around on you...tell her that she is not being honest and you won't stand for it. You need to nip this in the bud now, find out why she is "stepping out" on you and maybe go for counselling...if all she wants to do is sidestep her lying and coverups by attacking you then I would question whether or not it is worth staying in this relationship. Link to comment
girl68 Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 I think snooping is "wrong" in principle but I don't think it should never be done. And in your case you had every "right" to look- I would have. Don't confront her- yet. But do be careful and on the lookout. I know how "who was that calling?" questions look like, and especially if one party is worried or paranoid it comes off as mistrust and in your case it is. Maybe don't ask, becasue it seems she'll lie regardless. Check her phone bill when you're back. I'd confront her at one phone call, admit to snooping- but don't let her leave it at that. Link to comment
free2Bme Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Have you had a problem with her being friends with this guy in the past? If a big deal has been made of it before, then that is quite possibly why she lied about it, even if it is purely platonic. Link to comment
footdr1 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 What really hard , is I have to leave next week and I leave my son with her ..ugh...I did a reverse look up and this is the guy who called one night this week and she talked for an 1 1\2 hours to in front of me, and told me he is an old high school friend ( I am 44 she is 51) looking at that records I see like 30 text messages over the past few days, she was very mad and now won't answer the phone ( we always talk at lunch time for a few minutes )... I really love this woman, this past weekend we had a fantastic time , all our older kids at the house for dinner, laughs , fun..... all I ever wanted .... and yes I am romantic with her, we go out once a week at least to dinner or a show , and I always leave surprise notes about the house , or leave flowers in odd places ( like the shower ) so she can find them , just to have fun and keep the romance alive.. I am crushed ! Link to comment
footdr1 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 Last year , she went on a date with a guy, we were not living together at the time , but I was helping her make her car payment , grociers etc, we had been seeing each other for about a year , just came back from a great 7 day vacation ( Charleston SC ) and i thought we were doing fantastic..she went on one date, lied to me up front about it because she said i would get upset , then told me about it afterwards and never saw him again, I tried to talk to her about this , what was missing etc, she mention a few small things that I have been working on to inprove myself and she agrees I am better .... now this ....perhaps we have more issues than I like to admit and perhaps my insecurities are ruining things .... but she did lie to me and that isn't right... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 She is over-reacting to your question about who is calling. A person who is not guilty would not have gotten that angry over something this inconsequential. Now she is continuing to play the anger card in order to shut you up and make you fearful of asking any additional questions. Something is up that she is covering up by going over the top with her anger. You need to be firm and not cave in to her anger...because right now she is using bullying tactics to get away with her wrongdoing. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Last year , she went on a date with a guy, we were not living together at the time , but I was helping her make her car payment , grociers etc, we had been seeing each other for about a year , just came back from a great 7 day vacation ( Charleston SC ) and i thought we were doing fantastic..she went on one date, lied to me up front about it because she said i would get upset , then told me about it afterwards and never saw him again, I tried to talk to her about this , what was missing etc, she mention a few small things that I have been working on to inprove myself and she agrees I am better .... now this ....perhaps we have more issues than I like to admit and perhaps my insecurities are ruining things .... but she did lie to me and that isn't right... No, it is not your insecurities...she is a serial cheater...a remorseless serial cheater who will continue to cheat and blame you. I think in light of this post I would strongly suggest you kick her to the curb...she is a serial cheater and she will continually betray you and blame you for it. Link to comment
footdr1 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 well its me that will go to the curb...its her house although she can't afford to stay there without me..so I feel a little used right now...like I am good enough to cohabitate with her and pay her way, but if she wants to go do something with other men its all fine...she likes to say "we are not married" I told her it doesn't make a differnce if you love someone and are in a relationship you wouldn't do anything that you to hurt the other person and you would be honest with them..... and yes I have asked about getting married next year to her and we daydreamed about going on a cruise and getting married next year .... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 I would definitely not get married to her..marriage won't suddenly make her faithful. I would suggest you start looking for an apartment now. She keeps secrets so can you. Find an apartment, get your ducks in order, make sure you have it all planned out financially, make sure you know what belongs to you and what you can take, then move your stuff out when she is at work. Normally I wouldn't encourage that but since she is a liar and is hostile to you when you want her to own up to her misdeeds, I would suspect that she could do some dirty dealings if you warn her in advance that you are leaving. At this point in time you have to forget the "happily ever after" and focus on protecting yourself. Get out of there and out of her life. Link to comment
footdr1 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 Wow..that's probobly what I need to hear crazyaboutdogs , its just hard to handle... but you are right , at the time we talked of marriage we were on a high, you are correct marriage doesn't fix anything... open honest comunication is what is needed, I guess I am afraid of her to some extent and have a hard time expressing myself to not sound acusitory or holier than thou .... I really do not want to come accross like that, I have a place to go, its just not in the school district so it makes life hard for my son..... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 It may be hard for your son for a while..but this is not the kind of environment your son should be raised in. Better to leave this kind of woman behind, take you son and have a fresh start. Yes, it is hard to handle...all your hopes and dreams are shattered...but with this kind of woman, even if you had married her, it would have been a sham because she is not serious about commitment and loyalty. Link to comment
orangesoda Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 she's cheating on you. please end things and start living a healthy life without deceptions and lies. you owe it to yourself and to your son, he doesn't need to have that kind of influence in his life. Link to comment
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