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22 years old and never even kissed a girl


wonderfulchees
12 Reasons You Can Find Love
12 Reasons You Can Find Love

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I don't understand what the problem is. I am very likable, I am 22 year old a marine who is very fit, good looking, confident, and pretty smart. My job is pretty secure. The marine corps treats me well and I am looking at a career with the CIA once I get out. My personality has allowed me to accomplish just about anything I wanted, except for finding a woman.

 

Being a marine I have seen plenty of guys who are a lot more average looking and are more horrible at conversation than me pulling in girls with ease, which is just damn frustrating for me.

 

Currently I am stationed in Hawaii, the place where all couples go for their honeymoon. It is very frustrating seeing all these couples here on honeymoon, having the time of their lives. Last night, as I was getting in my car I saw this young couple hopping into the porsche in front of me, and they looked so happy. The girl could not stop smiling and the dude, well... he had a "I am totally going to get laid tonight." look on his face. I just sat down in my car, angrily eating my cinnabon because there is no reason that guy shouldn't be me.

 

It is even worse at home because every time I return home to see my family it is always the typical "Why don't you have a girlfriend?" or "It is about time you got married." talk. It is even worse when my friends say "I cannot believe you don't have a girlfriend." Hell, my roomate refuses to believe the fact that I have never been with a girl.

 

To this day I really haven't actually asked a girl out. My only date with a girl was caused by my friend in MOS school inviting us to the movies and him not showing up. It worked and caused me to go on a few more date with this her, but she was shy and that made the relationship develop extremely slowly. Before anything could come out of it, I graduated and was sent off to Hawaii. Currently she is in Ft. Meade, MD, which actually is just 30 minutes away from my home town. I do plan on going on leave to go back home in a couple weeks, but really it has been half a year since I last talked to her.

 

I think the reason I haven't asked anyone out is because I am waiting for like some sort of strong attraction or something. Other guys I know would just go after a woman that looks good. I don't even really pay attention to a woman unless she preoccupies my thoughts, which really doesn't happen much. Actually I think there were only three times that has happened in my life, and my last paragraph describes the only time anything was done about it.

 

Really this is just me letting off some steam over me looking for any real advice. I would love to read your responses to this, though. Usually me being single doesn't bother me but a recent conversation with my roomate and all the females he has been with irritated me and I needed to find some outlet to blow off some steam. However, like I said, your responses to this topic would be appreciated.

 

Also, my name is supposed to be "wonderfulcheese" I didn't realise the character limit until I after I registered.

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Welcome wonderfulcheese

 

Wow, I'm envious of your CV! Could we exchange positions for some time?

 

Now, if your goal is simply to get laid and have a girlfriend, I think, as girl friend said, you are a perfect catch and girls will approach you very soon. I have noticed that in different areas of the world, there are different attitudes. I am in Europe, and even here, in different provinces I notice that there's a different culture regarding to who does the "first step". In northern Italy, it's always the girls who approach and start flirting. In Switzerland (sometimes also a few km accross the border), you have to "work on her" hard until you can obtain any kind of non-superficial friendliness.

You should find out what are the social norms over there, and I am sure you will be successful.

 

If your target is more long term, and you're looking for a "companion for your life" with whom you may build your new family, you shouldn't bother about all those things you see around. People have random sex, get girlfriends just for the sake of "not being alone", enjoy themselves but later regret it, and... ah so many things that have no real "purpose".

A companion for life usually appears when you least expect it. You don't search for her, she "happens".

 

I assume, though, that at this age you are more inclined towards having some fun. In that case, 22 years old is not too late man You may simply need to learn a few procedures and get going.

 

Will be easy for someone with your resumé!

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Don't beat yourself over this too much, there are guys on here too that are in a similar situation. Although not as many can claim to be confident, etc. Anyway what are you basing your strong attraction on when it comes to girls? Is it their personality, it sounds like it's not so much their looks from what you wrote. You sound outgoing so maybe you're not meeting running into the right kind of girls.

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Yeah, I am attracted to their personality a bit more than looks.

 

Well you sound like a perfect catch to me. Easy tiger! Be patient. There will be someone amazing around the corner for you, and when that happens, you will understand what all these years of waiting were preparing you for...

 

That's the problem I am not waiting for anything. It is just nothing has ever happened. Honestly, it feels as of right now I would just take the first thing that comes my way because I just want the experience. Whenever I try, I cannot just bring myself to ask a girl out because I always find excuses. Last night I just said screw it and started a conversation with this one good looking girl I saw, but I eventually decided to walk away because I thought she was putting up a false front, trying to make herself seem a lot more intelligent than she really is. I wasn't looking for a real companion, I just threw everything out of the window and talked to her and still managed to convince myself to not get or number.

 

This brings me to think I may just be too shy to ask a girl out but have too much self confidence to admit it to myself. Whatever it is, I want to get over it just to have some experience, you know?

 

I know that I shouldn't really let love, sex, and all that bother me but it is. It has gotten so bad that I lose sleep because of it.

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I'm a going to be a bit more blunt than some of the other posters. There is a problem with what you're doing. You're not being proactive enough. Do you really expect the girl of your dreams to fall in your lap? You need to cut out the excuses and go for it. If you're not willing there are plenty of other guys who are. Like me.=p

 

You need to get in a more social mind frame when you go out. Talk to everyone, not just girls you may be interested in. It will be that much easier when you see someone who interest you. As for the girl that you felt was putting on a front. Guess what? She was interested in you. What she was doing was trying to qualify herself to you. Instead of you picking up on it you took it as a bad sign and walked away.

 

From reading your post it seems to me you have approach anxiety and no idea how to escalate with a women. You need to start approaching more women. It's going to suck a lot at first but you will get past it. With practice you will even get good it. 2 things can happen from approaching a women. You get her number or you learn something. If you have more direct questions feel free to ask. I will try to help if I can. I'm no expert tho.

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I really identify with the way you describe yourself. I didn't actually kiss a guy till I was 25. I was so embarrassed and frustrated about it, but I was also kerflummoxed because I really just wasn't strongly attracted to that many guys. It had to be the right mix of the various things I was looking for. And I am pretty, have a degree from a top 25 university, sweet, well-mannered, etc. I just couldn't see why no guys were asking me out.

 

You know what your problems are. (1) You expect the first one to be the one that hits it out of the park. (2) you are not getting out there enough (3) you have a lot of pressure on you to be miles ahead of where you are now and this stresses you out. All totally normal problems and totally fixable. You have to think about your situation in a different way.

 

In retrospect, I know that the biggest mistake I made was thinking that you don't need practice. The overwhelming odds are that the first person you meet or kiss is not going to be perfect for you. You don't go into a clothes store and expect the first thing you try on to fit perfectly, and the clothes aren't going to take themselves off the rack and try you on for size.

 

You've got to take some initiative and ask some girls out, even if you are not super attracted to them or thinking about them all the time. The first three dates are really just getting to you dates, not a lot different from meeting friends except that you add flirting in (if you have a hard time reading physical signals, you should google this or look on hulu for videos or something. It's important that you know how to do this and it really held me back when I didn't).

 

You might kiss on the first date, you might not. It just depends. But kissing is really not the whole point and if you focus on the one thing, you'll never be able to enjoy what's happening in front of you or what's up ahead.

 

Don't worry about meeting the "right" girl for now. Just meet someone that's nice enough and try to get to know her. The rest will come more naturally. And if you don't like them, you're not wedded to them. You can always break it off if after 3-5 dates you still don't feel attracted to them.

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sounds like you are setting your standards a bit too high. There honestly is nothing wrong with that but for a mature relationship to work, you do need to have some miles under your belt. practice in other words. Just be a fun outgoing, confident guy when you guys are out and about. Take charge of any situation with a girl you are attracted too. Not many women will just STAND out in your mind off bat. That comes after getting to know them. Just ask afew out here or there or while your out with friends just start casual conversation. Stop looking at this with your head down to the floor. Hold your head high and appreciate the achievments you have gathered for yourself. If your roomate or friends boast about thier conquests, more power to them but dont let it eat you up. In the end you will probably be envied by them for having the best catch! just be patient and stop focusing on how sad, mad or how much you want this perfect relationship. When your not thinking about it or you least expect it is when it will happen! Good luck!

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Looks like this is a very common thread.

 

I'm 22 years old never had a girlfriend, never kissed naturally still a virgin.

 

Your main problem is you haven't asked any girl out so you say. Me on the other hand I've asked out many women and they give me the same typical answers. "I have a boyfriend" "Im not interested in you that way" extcc....extcc. I have no excuse as to why I shouldn't have dated atleast one girl by now but it hasn't happened and it probably won't that time has come and gone for me.

 

Before it used to bother me seeing couples around me at my companys convention eating dinner together and such but now I don't care anymore since coming to terms with the fact that I will never be with anyone.

 

Atleast you've been on dates with a girl. I have not at all.

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I guess my standards are set a bit too high. I have never seen a problem with it because I dont think I ever settled for anything less than what I wanted in life. In public I am usually the fun, outgoing guy and can easily attract attention to myself, just that I always was easy to find faults in any girl that approached me.

 

I do not want to get married or anything, I just want to have the experience. I think I will try this weekend, or perhaps when I get back home on leave in a couple weeks. Really I think it should be easy if I don't convince myself to walk away. If anything does come out of it, I'll post the results.

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