GreenEyedJes Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 A warning for those who have second thoughts. I know some will not respect me for this and that's ok, but here's my story: My ex-boyfriend and I were together for almost three years when we broke up. I initiated the break up because I felt like I needed his permission to do what I wanted to and I wasn't okay with that anymore. Over the course of a week of virtually NC, I realized what a mistake I had made. I was miserable without him and couldn't stop thinking about him. I texted him and asked for a second chance. He said we could go to lunch the next day and talk. We did and lunch went really well. We agreed to not get back together until we were able to talk about and try to fix what broke us apart. That was about 4 days ago. Everything seemed to be going really well until tonight. We didn't talk between the time we went to lunch and tonight, and he texted me tonight saying he wanted to talk. So I called him when I got out of work and we talked. It started out really well, but the more we talked the less he seemed to want to talk. I tried to see if he still felt like he wanted to try and make things work which led to us talking about the break up. He accused me of lying about something I did and hung up on me and texted "F*** you for lying to me." I texted him asking him to please talk to me so I could explain that I hadn't lied, and he texted me back "F*** you I deserve better than this". And I agree, he does deserve better than what I did to him. I did a terrible thing in breaking up with him then crawling back asking for forgiveness. But I deserve better than someone who accuses me of things I don't do, who controls me, won't compromise, calls me names and swears at me. I'm going NC now, and I won't look back. I have a lot of regrets, but I'll just have to carry those with me. Link to comment
Keyman Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 A lot of people break up for good reason and then after a couple of days want to go back. In some ways it's natural for us to go back to somewhere safe and to stop the pain. I don't think you did anything wrong there. You had valid reasons and made the decision to stop being his doormat. Don't feel bad for wanting to go back, but after his displays, I think you should continue on your path. Go full NC and don't look back. Be careful though, he will try to get you back. He wont be able to go too long without feeling like he is in control of someone. Be safe. Link to comment
UCLAMike Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 what's wrong with getting mad at each other and tossing some verbals here and there during a painful breakup? don't kid yourself. i honestly dont know the details of the break up but if u really want him back why not try to explain u didnt lie and u want him to explain it to u? he may be too angry to talk to u now. you might want to give it a couple of days before speaking to him again. Make sure to fix this problem before u get back together. Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Hes letting off some steam there..but what did you lie about? Sounds like something is very unresolved...did you lie? Link to comment
GreenEyedJes Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 No. I didn't lie. Throughout our relationship he has had problems with even the mention of me wanting to go out with friends to clubs. A few days after I went out with friends I went to a bar that had a dance club, and it came up in tonights conversation when I was trying to give him an example of how I tried to compromise in the relationship (I was trying to point out how he was uncomfortable the idea of me dancing with guys I don't know, and I said well I went to a bar that had a dance floor and didn't dance with anyone.) He knew that I had gone how with friends to a bar (from a previous conversation) but I didn't mention that the bar had a dance floor since I didn't dance that night so I didn't think it was important. I guess he felt this was lying to him? You are definitely right, there are unresolved issues. But they're not ever going to be resolved I think. Not after what he has said to me tonight. And Mike--if he was blowing of steam that is one thing. But he was downright mean and hateful to me and that is unacceptable. I'm hurt and angry with him too, but I didn't call him names. I tried to address the hurt and why I was hurt instead of attacking and insulting him. Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Well seing you guys were giving it another shot he should have been more understanding. Think carefully if you need that behaviour..its unfair on you.Youve been honest with him.. Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Calling you names is verbal abuse and totally unacceptable for any reason! I don't see anything that you did that was bad at all...it's his own need to control you and his own insecurities that is causing him to feel as though you are lying...I am sure there are a few skeletons in his closet he don't talk about either. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 How did he take it when you broke up with him? It looks like he turned it all around on you to get the control back and it worked. I don't know the full story but I can understand that he wouldn't want you dancing with other men in lubs (not saying you did) but if you say you're going to a club and wont be dancing with men then he should have trusted you not to do so. The fact that he thinks you lied to him because you didn't mention the club you went to had a dancefloor is ridiculous. Link to comment
RunMeRound Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Accusing you of lying isn't nice-but I would ask, is there a history of lying or something? It seems odd for him to do that out of the blue? Has it been an issue in your relationship? I'm a bit biased on that subject because my ex *did* lie to me a few times and it made it really hard to trust him. Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 If its true, that he accused you of lying cos you did'nt mention a dancefloor, then he has gone way way overboard about it. It seems to me as though he's been enjoying the single life and realised that when you were possibly going to reconcile, so he built his own little fight scenario so he could get mad at you and have an excuse to do what he wants, just how it comes accross to me. Really odd. Link to comment
GreenEyedJes Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 I don't feel like I lied to him or gave him any reason to have trust issues. I know that his dad cheated on his mom while they were married, so maybe this has given him trust issues? And I agree that going out to dance with other men while I'm dating isn't right. I told him that and that I wasn't going to dance with other men (which I wasn't and didn't). I was going to dance with my friends (all girls!). He took the break up really hard and I think he wanted to work things out and so did I. But to work things out we both needed to compromise, and he wasn't willing to. His compromise was that he would go to a club with me if I went naked. Not a compromise. Link to comment
GreenEyedJes Posted March 6, 2009 Author Share Posted March 6, 2009 I am so confused. After all the mean and hurtful things he said last night, he texts me today and asks me how I am... like nothing happened. How can he be so mean and not realize how hurt I am by it? Link to comment
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