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He says hurtful things and he does not realize how much they hurt me :'(


crazyheart22

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half and I am his first girlfriend.

 

I feel like sometimes he wishes we weren't dating because he says "there are opportunities that he could hook up with other girls." For instance...today at work a girl asked him for his number and he asked me what he should do. I said what do you want to do? (why did he ask his gf what he should do?) He then went on to say that he didnt tell her he had a girlfriend... * * * . I even asked him "are you going to tell her you arent single." He said no.

 

College is just around the corner for the both us. I will be going away for school and he will be staying here. It saddens me when the thought of us breaking up comes up in conversation. He keeps throwing out the idea that we can stay together, just see other people casually. I didn't agree. It's either all or nothing for me. I am not going to make myself miserable away at school worrying about what he is doing and with who. That's not fair to me. But when I asked him why he would want to date other people but still be together...he said the most hurtful thing. He said "because i want to be able to hook up with other girls but you're still too important to me to let you go completely."

 

I am obviously not that important to him if he is feeling the need to wanna mess around with other girls. I don't think he realizes how much that hurt me. It was a few weeks ago when this happened and I still find myself crying myself to sleep over it.

 

Like I said..I am his first girlfriend. No other girls ever gave him the time of day. But I did. I saw something in him. I feel like yeah I am here and in the picture but when other girls start giving him attention (like the girl in the first example) I am going to be kicked to the curb.

 

It also seems like he wants to be with me just to mess around. But I want a relationship. I have noticed over the last few months that there is a maturity difference. He is an 18 year old boy with a horny 18 year old boys mind. I am an 18 year old girl with a 25 year old girls mind.

 

So back to the college thing. I think he's going to just want to hook up with different girls so he'll have stories to tell. But me...I want someone I can talk to and get to know.

 

 

Any words of wisdom??

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Let him go.

He's already thinking of hooking up girls and TELLING you he wants to, when he goes to college, you aren't going to be there telling him whats right and wrong.

 

You two are after different things. Like you said, he's a young man about to enter college where he will be flooded with new girls, and lots of freedom...odds are he's going to explore that given the type of behavior he's already displayed. If he can't respect you and the relationship, it won't last in college.

 

It's time to sit down and communicate with him, seriously. He needs to know what's going on, whats appropriate what isn't and if this relationship is going to work.

But if he's behaving this way as is, I don't see it working through college.

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Do you really want to be in this relationship? Would you feel able to trust him from a distance? Do you honestly think he doesn't realise these things hurt you (and give him power over you)?

 

He wants the casual thing. You don't. To be honest, it would probably be easier to just make a clean break of it.

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Let him go.

He's already thinking of hooking up girls and TELLING you he wants to, when he goes to college, you aren't going to be there telling him whats right and wrong.

 

You two are after different things. Like you said, he's a young man about to enter college where he will be flooded with new girls, and lots of freedom...odds are he's going to explore that given the type of behavior he's already displayed. If he can't respect you and the relationship, it won't last in college.

 

It's time to sit down and communicate with him, seriously. He needs to know what's going on, whats appropriate what isn't and if this relationship is going to work.

But if he's behaving this way as is, I don't see it working through college.

 

i agree completely. sounds like this guy wants to see who else is out there, so let him!!!! leave him and go and find some other men yourself.

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OK HOLD THE PHONE.... notice how all the females are saying break up... well here is the inside scoop..

 

hes doing it to make you want him more.. i did it.. and only realised what an * * * * move it was when, we stoped seeing eachother... If you act overly jealous he will feel like ur clingy, if u dont get jealous he will think you dont care... (provided the guy is any sort of simiar to me). talk to him about it..

 

he might not have had that much attention from girls when he was younger, (like me) and then all the sudden they come out of no where...

 

just say to him, i would prefer that you announce your in a relationship if they ask you for your number, only for non work, related things... No random girl just wants to be friends..

 

Hope this helps..

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just say to him, i would prefer that you announce your in a relationship if they ask you for your number, only for non work, related things... No random girl just wants to be friends..

 

Hope this helps..

 

 

So..what about his comments about wanting to sleep with other girls?

 

Thats not a typical comment guys make.

 

He wants his cake and eat it too. He can't have both.

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I know most of you are saying to let him go, but its just so hard. I still like him and I know he still likes me..its just sometimes he makes those comments and maybe Xplode is right...maybe he wants to see me get jealous...even though that is an awful game to play with my emotions. It takes me a while to get over relationships and this has been the longest one I've had and one of the more serious ones. We've had personal conversations that I would never imagine having with anyone else. I want to have a clean break but yet I dont. It's just so hard.

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Sorry to say this but it sounds like this will not work. Save yourself future heart break and let him go. If he pulled a stunt like that at work with the girl who asked for his number you can be assured he will cheat on you the first opportunity he gets

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"I feel like sometimes he wishes we weren't dating because he says "there are opportunities that he could hook up with other girls." For instance...today at work a girl asked him for his number and he asked me what he should do. I said what do you want to do? (why did he ask his gf what he should do?) He then went on to say that he didnt tell her he had a girlfriend...* * * . I even asked him "are you going to tell her you arent single." He said no."

 

I think that the answer is obvious. anyone who does this to their partner has no respect for them.. you need to stand up for yourself and stop allowing him to treat you this way. He is telling you he wants to see other girls and doesn't want them to know he is seeing you for the last year and a half.

you deserve better than this.

take care

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I'm another man suggesting that you call it a day with him. It's obvious that you are pulling in different directions. It's best to end things now and be hurt than to go away to college, worry about what he is getting up to, and then things end and hurt you a lot more.

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