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I'm ridiculous, I know it


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Still hurts, guys.

I'm more than 3 months in now and its not any easier.

I can't get over it and god knows I try. Everyday I do what i can. and he is in my mind every second of everyday.

We don't speak. I saw him weeks ago and it was great. which really confused and upset me, I won't lie. Because if we were fighting or things felt cold or different or ugly, it would be a concrete reason to move on. but things were great and it left me confused.

He doesn't call or text. He doesn't communicate with me. BUT... I know that he is on my myspace and my blog everyday. He visits my blog nearly 3 times a day. Still. Anyone else think this is weird?

 

Also, as you guys might know from my previous posts, my grandpa is really sick and my dog of 13 years died (broke my heart, i wont lie. she was my baby)

 

And I'm just a mess. I miss my ex like crazy. And i can't stop loving him. I try. I try to hate him and I just wind up forgiving him. I even went out on a few other dates, I even like someone new... but my love for my ex won't go away. It just won't.

And I have no one to go to. My family is so wrapped up in my grndpa's illness, no one is willing to listen to me. Granted, I know my breakup is trivial in comparison. But i was with my ex for 3 years. And I loved him soooo much. And I still do. I still love him.

Its scary.. its that feeling our parents tell us about. "The One" feeling. I had it from the moment we met and it won't go away. I can't feel like i lost "the one." But I do. Everyday.

 

help?

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It's hard losing the ones you love. I can't comprehend what you feel, but try to take some time and think about your Gramps. His time is very limited and you should try to spend time with him, you don't want your last memories of him to be sad and heart broken.

 

Try to make great memories while he's around. The thoughts of your ex is completely normal, it doesn't sound like you're ready to date just yet. Take some time off and work on yourself. You'll grow from this experience and your capacity to love will also increase. Time is our most precious commodity, use it wisely.

 

Keep posting, we're all here to help. You'll get through this one day at a time.

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honestly, if u read my previous posts.. i was having a really hard time.. this is my 2nd long term relationship... and she only wanted space.. so i had room to get back in there i just had to wait....

 

If they cant accept and appreciate you for who you are now. in this exact minute of your life. then its not going to work. unless someone gets some help.

 

i just look each day at the beautiful people in the world that do appreciate me, and that enjoyable things in life.. and concentrate on them. when i start thinking of her. i find another train of thought and let my mind wander there.

stay occupied.. excercise with friends.. surround urself by them, and just each day concentrate on thinking a little bit less. until it gets easier.

 

take care hun, hope things improve.

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I've run myself around and worn myself out. I have gone out so many times with my friends. I go out. I have a good time. I am not a walking ball of sadness.

But I know I'm trying too hard. I'm faking it now. For awhile, I was having fun. Now... all I want to do is sleep. I don't want to do anything else. No eating, no classes, no work, no extracurricular activities. No drinking, no friends, no parties. All I want to do is SLEEP.

 

Usually I'm happy and chipper. When things get rough, I immerse myself in my studies and my work. For years, when things got rough I had to fight extra hard but at least it helped. Now, after fighting and trying to have fun and slowing down and speeding up... I've done IT ALL since my breakup... and I just don't want anything out of life anymore.

And its not even the breakup. Seriously. I think the break up bothers me as much as it does because in theory, it can be undone. u know?

I will NEVER get my dog back and I can't cure cancer. My ex is the only thing I could imaginably get back (and the probability is 2%). But its like the only thing I can hold on to.

Idk what happened. I was doing so well. Last week I was feeling really good. And then kaboom. I lost it. I think its because I am so alone.

I have friends but only 2 who listen. Everyone else... they can't handle this. This is why my ex left. Since my grandpa got sick, I have sunk lower and lower. The breakup sucked.

But I can honestly say my heart BROKE when my dog died. I don't care - i loved my dog and she was MY BABY. and she just died suddenly.

And my faith in god evaporated in that moment.

 

i just don't know what to do anymore.

I don't have a reason to get out of bed. I have no hope that the future will get better.

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I'm sorry for your loss, but life goes on. Nobody says you have to put on this happy face. You're sad and have every right to feel this way. You have people around you who care, talk it out with them, if they are unwilling to listen, post here, talk to anybody and everybody.

 

Everybody goes through some trials and tribulations, you gotta see the bright side of things. Being a pessimist and staying in this vicious cycle of depression and self doubt will get you no where. You have all the potential in the world, there are some things in life that are uncontrollable, but you shouldn't use it as an excuse to miss out on life. Nobody is saying a pet is just a pet, it's like losing a family member and on top of losing your beloved one, you have to deal with the reality of losing another one. It's tough, but it's a part of life.

 

You aren't being ridiculous, you're in a transitional period in your life where everything is uncertain, instead of being scared and acting out of fear. Embrace it and love the change, it's one of the many beautiful things you can experience. You may not see it now, but change is always for the better.

 

 

You have so many things going on for you, don't let your past hold you back. Live in the moment, you never know what the future holds. Don't let this get the best of you. I know how you feel, I thought it was the end of the world when my ex cheated on me. It brought up issues from my past and I thought I would never get out of it alive. I'm still working on my issues, but I really am getting happy which is truly amazing. When you get to that point and realize how beautiful life can be, you wouldn't ever want to waste a second being sad and missing out.

 

It's okay to be sad and feel what you feel, but never put your life on hold. You deserve to be happy as anyone else does. What's really stopping you from achieving your ultimate happiness? The secret lies within you and the answer is you. Dig deep and take it second by second, I promise you'll make it out of this with the right mentality.

 

Cheer up. Life is a gift that shouldn't be taken for granted.

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I know life goes on.

But it feels like it goes only to get worse and worse.

 

Who wants to live in a world like this?

Sometimes life doesn't get better. There are people who die unhappy, unhealthy, alone and painfully.

Is this all we have to look forward to?

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With that type of mind frame you will only see the negativity. Not to be all philosophical on you, but live in the moment, time is precious. You say that now, but in the future when you are healed, you will kick yourself for feeling this way. But, you have to go through it in order to see what's most important in life.

 

Life isn't rainbows and butterflies, but it's a journey, and how that journey is traveled, is up to you. If you have ever read any of my posts, you can see how depressed I've been and compare it to now. It takes lots of time and wanting to get better, acting on that want and ultimately achieving it. It's hard, but very rewarding. Heck, I had tears in my eyes because I thought I would never experience happiness again, I felt dead, sad and depressed for the last few months. I'm slowly coming out this huge transition in my life. And you know what? I'm happy that every negative thing happened in my life.

 

Makes me who I am today, more motivation to be better and get better. Pain and suffering is just a sign of change, and change is always for the better. That's of course if you want to look at it that way. It's been scientifically proven, positive thoughts are more powerful than negative thoughts.

 

Sure, I could break down, cry because my Dad was murdered, cry because my Mom abandoned me since birth, because my 1st gf cheated on me. That I have a few quality friends. That I grew up poor and hungry for love. That, I'm this way or that way. That I was abused, that I wanted to die and God never answer my prayers. You know what, screw it. I'm tired of living the crappy life, time to live it up and better than ever.

 

See how 1 negative thought leads to another? I rather focus on what good I have and to never let the bad things in my life, dictate what I can and cannot do. I'm in charge of how I feel, some days I feel bad, other days I feel so so and a few days I feel happy. It's very rewarding to work and get myself out of this. It's never easy, this is only something you can do yourself, nothing I can say or do will help you. You have to want and do this for you.

 

In a blink of an eye 21 years passed by, I plan to make the next 21 years better and not waste the precious time that I was granted. What about you?

 

Don't you want to have a family someday? To hold your precious kids, to get a new family dog or cat. To love somebody so much, that you commit to marriage and exchange vows. To say wow, I've made it this far! This is just a phase, you will get over it, if you work for what you want.

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I know life goes on.

But it feels like it goes only to get worse and worse.

 

Who wants to live in a world like this?

Sometimes life doesn't get better. There are people who die unhappy, unhealthy, alone and painfully.

Is this all we have to look forward to?

 

This is a necessary moment in your life to prepare you for something big. believe this.

I know you feel your circumstance and break up is unique, and it is, but know that end result is the same - time heals. Everyone says it. Believe it.

Some point though, you have to put your foot down and ACCEPT that it is over. Then begin to ask yourself if this guy is really worth it. What do you honestly remember of him? Don't put him on a pedestal. Don't defend him. See the truth. Not what your emotion feels but see who he really is. Does he have a strong character? If so, why did he not stay with you during your hard times? He may not have personality disorder as many exs do, but he may have been immature and didn't have the capacity. Even if it means you two just met at the wrong time and only a transition for greater things, believe that it does get better. It really does. You cannot see this now but it does.

 

With time and real acceptance and evaluation of the person you invested yourself in, you will grow out of it. Reasons for the break up isn't even going to matter it's just all noise. Bottomline is he wasn't the right guy for you at this time. Time will heal you. It really does. I am the last one to say this.

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in the future when you are healed, you will kick yourself for feeling this way.

 

 

I don't think thats true. Ive healed from lots of bad experiences in the past and I don't kick myself for feeling how I felt at the time. I wasn't wrong for feeling that way. I didn't wake up one morning and think "God I'm such an idiot for feeling that way because of what _____ did to me." People need time to grieve and each person has their own ways of dealing with the pain.

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