drewciouS281 Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 So there was a girl i had been talking to that a friend introduced since last november. she was out of town from november to mid jan and we met for the first time when she got back. We hit it off perfectly unlike anyone i have ever dated in my entire life. from mid jan to valentines day we confessed our love for one another and basically spent every day after i get off of work and night together with the acception of maybe one night. This relationship is just so perfect and we have so much in common, she is like my best friend and soul mate and she feels the same for me X10. Thing is though sometimes i worry its going to fast. some close friends of mine that got married and even my sister told me when you know you know and to go with it. I can honestly see myself marrying this girl and she already talks about it all the time and it doesnt scare me. This is a first!!!! The only thing though is that it has thrown me off of my normal routine which is work, gym, then any misc. errands i need to do so i took a break from her monday and tuesday and were supposed to hang tonight. Thing is though last night she told me she feels she is bugging me and is worryng about losing me cause she feels i dont wanna see her but i explained ive been busy not to mention were going to orlando florida for a week march 15th. We have only had 2 mis understandings and it was due to alcohol being involved so we agreed no more drinking during the week and to pace it on the weekends. Sooo, my point of this thread is are we moving to fast or is this ok? Any tips so things dont go sour and What are some of your stories in comparison to this? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 omg bro. *shakes head*. sorry, but seriously man. what did i say? i know it felt all great before cause you were so stoked with something new. YES, this is waaay too fast. you became too attached too soon. tell her you need to get back on your normal schedule and see each other with free time. don't knock off your usual routine. i wouldn't. you knew i'd post first huh? Link to comment
EQD Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 if you two are both okay with it then it is the right pace for you. just remember its okay to do things on your own and have eachother later as a 'treat' i recently went over this with my SO too. We are going through the exact same thing. Link to comment
waveseer Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Sooner or later life intrudes on new relationships. How you handle that often determines the eventual outcome of the relationship. Don't give up too much of who you are. Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Dear Drew, glad your doing well and found someone who shares so much of a good thing with you. Just take things nice and easy...no need to rush, share your adventures, lives, experiences...get to know her from the inside out...her hopes and dreams. There are alot of people in relationships that don't even know what the color of their partners eyes look like, or what breakfast cereal they like...the small things in life are very important...it's not about what you say it's about how you show it....words can only go so far without actions to back it up. Most of all just be yourself and if there are things that you want to improve about you...then do it...but only do it for you! What I am saying is since your last breakup it's good to look within to see what mistake may have happened on your end that you can do better this time around. Just take things nice and slow...savor the moments of your life...no need to rush...if it's meant to be it will happen. Cheers to you and best of luck! Link to comment
grymoire Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I am no expert on relationships but still I can say that this is way too fast! Wow... it almost looks like she has you wrapped on her fingers and when you set yourself free for a day or two she complains.. And this is a relationship that is barely 2.5 months old? I still remember what Ghost69 told you when you first posted about this girl... Looks like he is spot on. Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted March 4, 2009 Author Share Posted March 4, 2009 omg bro. *shakes head*. sorry, but seriously man. what did i say? i know it felt all great before cause you were so stoked with something new. YES, this is waaay too fast. you became too attached too soon. tell her you need to get back on your normal schedule and see each other with free time. don't knock off your usual routine. i wouldn't. you knew i'd post first huh? Its not that im attached. Yeah i love spending time with her and being with her but im still doing my best to sticking to my routine. If anything she is alot more attached which i dont have a problem with but im not gonna lie, when she stays the night i dont sleep much cause i get all hot with another body next to me so the past two nights she hasent stayed ive finally got some good rest. Last night she admitted to being insecure about me getting tired of her so she has just been giving me space. Space is fine but she is doing it for the wrong reason and i dont want it to continue like this until we get to a point of not seeing each other hardly at all. We both love being with each other most of the time and half the time she will go to the gym with me but i just dont want things getting ruined by going to fast. Link to comment
lady00 Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I don't see the problem. It sounds like things are going well. If you want more time for your normal activities, then make the time and do that. Spend an hour or two less together when you do hang out and you can go to the gym or do whatever else you need to do. I'm sure she has stuff to do as well. Link to comment
grymoire Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I don't see the problem. It sounds like things are going well. If you want more time for your normal activities, then make the time and do that. Spend an hour or two less together when you do hang out and you can go to the gym or do whatever else you need to do. I'm sure she has stuff to do as well. they already told each other 'i love you'.. they even talked about marriage... all of this in the space of 2.5 months... i think it is not normal at all... Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 take time for yourself. it will streghthen your bond and give you time to reflect, relax, etc. My ex and I went way tooooooo fast!! I tooo felt the most amazing frinedship, connection, we confessed everything too.... anyway long story veery short, I regret not setting up boundaries at the beginning. I believe it would have really helped. lesten to your instincts. If she cannot handle it an gets insecure, she need sto up her self esteem and confidence levels. it doens't mean you are not crazy about her, and once you explain that if she cannot get it well maybe there is clingyness, escessive needinness, insecurity and it will come back to negativelly affect the relationship once the hineymoon period fades. Link to comment
Fionnuala Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 As long as you're comfortable with how things are going, I think it's okay. Just make sure you guys are spending time to yourselves. It's easy to get caught up in things in the beginning and start losing yourself to the relationship. But as long as you're making an effort to spend time doing things apart, I think you're fine. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 The only thing though is that it has thrown me off of my normal routine which is work, gym, then any misc. errands i need to do so i took a break from her monday and tuesday and were supposed to hang tonight. Thing is though last night she told me she feels she is bugging me and is worryng about losing me cause she feels i dont wanna see her This concerns me. I don't know the extent of how much you've changed your schedule and am okay with you doing so to an extent (compromise/make time for her etc) but I get the feeling it's been to much. What concerns me more is her reaction to you taking a few days to do things for yourself...it just screams insecurities, which usually leads to fights etc. I don't know your whole situation though...that's just what I got from this post. If I were you, I'd establish some consistent time for yourself and stick by that. She should really be doing the same. Link to comment
grymoire Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 It is quite interesting to see the men saying its not good and the women saying its fine Link to comment
Mutley Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I'd just take more time for individual hobbies and other pursuits. Just take it from there. If this is the right girl. It will work out. Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 It is quite interesting to see the men saying its not good and the women saying its fine I said it's not good and last time I checked I am female. Link to comment
EQD Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 when you first start out, as its already been said, this IS what typically happens. especially when people who click so well and have similar interests get together. They usually go really hardcore at it, and then taper off to respectable levels. This is the tapering part. where its something like a party, at first you might drink alot because it tastes great, but eventually you get to the 'i should probably slow down before this becomes a problem' point. as long as she understands that this is just life and you have no intention of leaving her then she should drop it and be gravy. Link to comment
Stereohead Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Sounds simi similar to my relationship I’m in right now. But keep in mind, having your own time for “personal” space and independence is a good quality in a relationship. You should never find yourself solely depended upon being with that other person…granted it’s alright to miss them and text or something, but you also want to have your own activities and life almost…just sharing all the other times with your someone special. Like my boyfriend, he goes to work, school and the gym. And occasionally he’ll hang out by himself at the house or with his brother/friends…we see each other a lot more now (our issue wasn’t yours, it was he was TOO busy to hang out…) but I still want him to have that time to himself. Why? Not because I don’t LOVE his company, but because I’d rather he keep his life. My ex used to use the fact that he “gave up” friendships because he “had” to spend all his time keeping me happy as a big fault factor. So I wasn’t going to have that label placed on me a second time. If true or not, I’m making sure he knows he doesn’t have to see me everyday…I just like knowing he thinks about me =) It develops a healthy relationship for the future. Never feel like you have to give up who you are to be with this girl. Continue to make time of the things you routinely did-like the gym for example. She needs to respect that you guys both need “some” time apart. Too much time together can kill a relationship. Especially, when it’s done so quickly... It’s why relationships that move in together when they’ve hardly known each other usually fall through. Take your time and enjoy each others company. Leave marriage discussion and a “set” future off till when you’ve been dating a more respectful amount of time. It’s alright to love being around the person your dating. But I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to take time for yourself…and work/school doesn’t count. Lol Link to comment
Fionnuala Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 when you first start out, as its already been said, this IS what typically happens. especially when people who click so well and have similar interests get together. They usually go really hardcore at it, and then taper off to respectable levels. This is the tapering part. where its something like a party, at first you might drink alot because it tastes great, but eventually you get to the 'i should probably slow down before this becomes a problem' point. as long as she understands that this is just life and you have no intention of leaving her then she should drop it and be gravy. Exactly, I agree. Now, if she's getting upset and doesn't get to a point where she understands and accepts this happening, this could be a problem. But if she calms down and realizes that it's just the natural progression of the relationship, then it should be okay. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 even after all of these other posts, i still think it's waaay too fast. Link to comment
grymoire Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I said it's not good and last time I checked I am female. oops.. sorry.. can you give me 1 more chance? Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 It does seem fast.. maybe cut back the contact and seeing eachother... a man needs seem breathing space... Link to comment
Casey13 Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Quick attachments often lead to quick detachments, at least thats my experience on my own skin and from what I have seen. Spending too much time together too soon creates unrealistic expectations on one another which may be all fine and dandy in the beginning durning the honeymoon phase but sooner or later one of you will get bored with the constant seeing of each other and doing nothing else and one person starts pulling away trying to go back to what they were before the relationship hobbies and all while the other person gets pissed off and feels abandoned. You are moving too fast Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Drew..good on you man..enjoy this phase but definitely realise that while you both love being together you are also human so start bringing reality into the relationship as you still have a life outside the relationship as far as work..family as well. I think its great that you are both having fun so why not? Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I personally think you should explain to her you need to still stick to your own routines and stuff and that it does'nt mean you're getting sick of her you just have things you need to do. If you start dropping your normal routine for her then she will just become your routine and thats when things get boring... imo. Link to comment
Sparkly Eyes Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Its not that im attached. Yeah i love spending time with her and being with her but im still doing my best to sticking to my routine. If anything she is alot more attached which i dont have a problem with but im not gonna lie, when she stays the night i dont sleep much cause i get all hot with another body next to me so the past two nights she hasent stayed ive finally got some good rest. lol, my boyfriend and I have the same problem this is why we dont hang out during week as much! Anyways, I think yes take it slower. if the relationship is perfect why ruin it by going too fast? take it slower, see each other less, in my experience this would work out better at the end. Link to comment
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