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Helping a friend


formyfriend
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I really don't know where to start. I have a friend who is 33 yrs old, she cheated oh her husband about 2 yrs ago, he left her and got himself a new girlfriend, then about a 1-1/2yrs later he came to my friends house around 12 midnight and sprung on her that she needed to be at the lawyers office that morning, that he has filed for a divorce, and he did divorce her. It appears that when him & his girlfriend have a fight he comes running back to my friend, making her think he wants her back, he rarely sticks arounds for 2wks, he builds her hope's up that he wants to make things work for them, then he goes a couple of weeks and doesn't come around her or call her, until the next fight he has with his girlfriend, then he comes back, this happens just about every 2-3 weeks. I feel he uses my friend like a remote control toy and puts her back in his closet until the next time he wants to play. My friend blames herself for everything because she had cheated on him. There is 3 kids but they are her's from a previous marriage, but the youngest, (male) suffer's also with him walking in & out of their life. My friend wants her husband back and tries really hard, but he never stays, but he comes back saying he loves her and he wants things to work out, but he goes back out the door and stays gone with his girlfriend til the next fuss they have. My friend has a really hard time dealing with this, because she loves him and wants him to come back home, she can't let go, she keeps thinking that maybe this time will be it. That this time he really means it and he really loves her and wants to come home. I have spent a lot of time telling her what I thought I would if I were in her shoes, I have told her to let go, close the door to him, but she just can't bring herself to do this. I have suggest that she seek conseling, but she has not. She drives by where he lives several times, and stops by a near store in hope she will she him. She does alot of things to chase him down and hunt for him, and she has caught him in his bedroom w/his girlfriend. I sometimes feel she set herself up to get hurt. She lives just to be able to see him, even if it's just to keep driving by his home. She has even walked in the woods at his home, which is a long walk, just to see if his girlfriend is there, she will wait hours for the girlfriend to leave and then she knock on his door. Just the other night, when she stopped by the store and seen him, his mother came by and he told my friend that his mother would run home to get on the computer to tell his girlfriend he was there talking to her, he came up and told her that on thursday he broke it off with his girlfriend and he chose her over the girlfriend. A couple of days later my friend tried to call him and he would not answer the phone, she went to his home, and she knocked & knocked, he finally answered the door, he was really rude to her, then she ask to use the restroom and saw that the comuter was on, when she came out he was on the computer trying to hurry and close the windows he had open, she seen yahoo messenger open and sure enough he was on there talking to his girlfriend. Which of course he said he wasn't and blamed it on his brother which was in the bed sleeping the whole time. I have tried to talk to her and help her, but she just can't let go of him, I don't know what to do for her anymore. This is just half of the story, but if anyone can offer an suggestion, I would be greatful. Thank you

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As her friend, you have done all that you can for her. She needs to let him go and not let him treat her as a yo-yo whenever he feels he needs her. But you have brought this up to her as well as counseling. Now it HAS to come from HER. She has to want to get help and not be helpless. I dont think there is much else you can do. If she refuses to take your advice, you cannot force her to change her feelings. This is a tough situation. But as much as we like to have a grip on things and help out as much as we can...you have done what you could.

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Mermayd got it right there.

 

The decision very much lies with your friend. The best you can do is to provide her with guidance and advice. Hopefully, with some divine grace, she can see that this husband of hers is really just a simple jerk. Someone not worth sticking with.

 

Try to bring her out more often, meet more people. This will also help tp take her mind off things for awhile.

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