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I've turned in the girl I never wanted to be...


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Just want to vent a little. not about the ex or my healing (for once!) but about relationships in general. Posting it in this forum as it does still reflect my loneliness about not being in a relationship.

 

As of yesterday, when my friend became ''official'' with the guy she was seeing, I am the only one out of my seven female friends to not have a boyfriend. I have also reached the stage in my healing where I feel ready for a new relationship. But this combination is making me feel so depressed. I hate being the only single one in my group of close friends. Every time I see one of them it'll just be a smack in the face to the fact that I am still single, and they have someone who adores them. This shouldn't bother me, but it does.

 

I guess it's made worse by the fact that NO-ONE is interested in me. I don't understand, I'm kind, funny, not unattractive. But no guy has shown a major interest since the breakup almost NINE FFFING MONTHS AGO. I always beat myself up for speaking too fast around guys I like and babbling, I've tried to stop this but still, no one's interested.

 

And it's further made worse because I told a friend I had a crush on him last night - I had had feelings for him for months. His response? ''I'm flattered, and you're a really nice person''. Then we got interuppted, and as the guy was drunk, he doesn't seem to remember now what I said to him. This has proved to be another dent to my self-esteem.

 

Sorry if this rant is somewhat disjointed - I'm still a bit drunk. I just hate the fact that being the only single girl I know on a close level bothers me. I hate the fact no guy is interested. I hate the fact I speak too fast and get awkward when I'm with guys I'm attracted to. Feel embarrassed that the first time I confessed to a boy that I like him I get shot down. I just feel really low

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I do feel pretty good about myself, yes. I feel attractive, fun, kind, interesting. But the major flaw is that if I have an unattractive day, or if I'm not funny and kind and interesting to everyone I meet, or if I talk too fast (a big complex of mine!), I give myself a really hard time over it. I beat myself up if I have an off day. I analyse everything I do as I want to give a good impresion to everybody. So, Ido feel good about myself, but it's a very fragile state.

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You need to adopt the devil may care attitude.If you stop overanalysing yourself you can feel more comfortable in yourself. Why not? You said it and we know it now that youre a hottie.Now you just have to remember that as the attitude is the king of attraction

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Sorry you are feeling low but this is temporary and you will feel better.

 

This is great advice from top bloke and very helpful to me as I can relate to the OP. Just the other night some guy I met in a bar told me I was very hot. And I'm turning 48 in June, all I do lately is bemoan the fading of my looks, I'm getting old, no man is going to want me, my ex didn't want me and he wanted younger women so this means I might as well hang it up, etc.

 

So much of attraction is between the ears....our mind and our attitude. And if we think we are attractive and we love ourselves, we exude that to other people and it makes them want to be with us. It also makes us feel good about ourselves and our lives.

 

I've been putting myself down my entire life. I don't know where I learned it, somewhere in childhood I internalized something my mother said or who knows what. But it gets me nowhere. So this is a great reminder that we have to be our own best friend, we have to think we are pretty great and this is the best way to pave the way for love to come into our lives.

 

If you are worried you babble too much (and you are probably being way hard on yourself) you can try asking the people you are talking with more questions about themselves and learn to be a better listener. Practice with your girlfriends and then try it with guys. Don't beat yourself up but if this is something you want to work on, next time you find yourself starting to "babble", tell yourself to stop and then focus on the other person. Most people LOVE to talk about themselves and sometimes the most popular, adored people are people who are genuinely interested in other people. Of course, it's easier to do this if you don't drink too much so keep that in mind.

 

I totally understand your feelings. Remember, there is no guarantee all of your girlfriends are going to have long lasting relationships with their guys. You are young and you will meet someone, it just takes time and patience. Just be kind to yourself and give yourself a break. And don't worry about the guy you confessed your crush to, he told you he was flattered and he thinks you're a nice person. That's a good thing. Take it for what it is, let it go and who knows what the future will bring?

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I think your beating yourself up to much. Ask your girl friends(or maybe u already know) if they asked or if their boyfriend asked them out. i know over half will say the guy asked them out.

 

I dont go a day without seeing some attractive woman that i would love to talk to and get to know them more but i dont even say hi to them. I can even go somewhere i enjoy something there, see an attractive woman also there, so clearly we have a similar interest, but i still dont say hi.

 

My point being, as im sure im not the only guy that does not talk to every girl we find attractive, i bet u almost anything since your breakup, there was a guy that thought u were attractive and wanted to talk to you, and get to know you, but he didnt even say hi.

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Hi, TBE!

 

You've gotten some great advice here, and everything I've read that you've posted (both about yourself and your advice to others) screams "MATURITY!" and "EXCELLENT FRIEND/PARTNER!" This will pay off, so don't worry at all about the fact that your friends are all dating.

 

Also (and I always forget when reading your posts), you're 19! I point this out only because you are so concerned about this "babbling." I used to have that "problem" - and still may, to a lesser degree - and, to be honest, I think it landed me some great partners. They thought I was cute and quick-witted. I'm sure you come accross the same way. But rap's advice is really great - just keep track to make sure you're babbling as much about the other person as yourself. You probably are, and that's charming.

 

Keep it up, TBE!

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Hi, TBE!

 

You've gotten some great advice here, and everything I've read that you've posted (both about yourself and your advice to others) screams "MATURITY!" and "EXCELLENT FRIEND/PARTNER!" This will pay off, so don't worry at all about the fact that your friends are all dating.

 

Also (and I always forget when reading your posts), you're 19! I point this out only because you are so concerned about this "babbling." I used to have that "problem" - and still may, to a lesser degree - and, to be honest, I think it landed me some great partners. They thought I was cute and quick-witted. I'm sure you come accross the same way. But rap's advice is really great - just keep track to make sure you're babbling as much about the other person as yourself. You probably are, and that's charming.

 

Keep it up, TBE!

 

wow. I wasn't expecting that!

 

That post really meant a lot, purplekangaroo. I had no idea anyone followed my posts and appreciated them to this extent. I nearly cried when I read your post, I really needed it - and thank you so much for your advice *hug*

 

Thanks to everyone else, too. I'm going to read this thread every day until I feel better.

 

rapunzel - I never thought of seeing the fact that the crush said I was a nice person and that he was flattered in a good light. i just saw it as a sorry excuse for him not wanting to be with me. Thank you for your positivity.

 

cruzer - likewise, thanks for making me think postitively. Your comforting idea that some guys may have been too timid to approach me made me feel loads better about myself.

 

topbloke and philove - thanks guys, for helping me to calm down and stop pressurising myself.

 

 

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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