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How to break up with boyfriend in a long distance relationship?


pinkruffles

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First timer here. Sorry for crossing multiple topics but it’s less confusing, I think, if the story is all together…Hope this isn’t too confusing.

 

Background info: I broke up with my fiancé/boyfriend of 4 years. Then quickly met a guy who is now my boyfriend. I didn’t plan on going out at all. But he caught my attention. But now after 6 months, I don’t feel like we are compatible with each other. I don’t want to say that he is a rebound but perhaps he is? Because he is the one that tried to help me “get over” my ex (which I’m having second thoughts about). Now I’m thinking I’m not ready for a relationship.

 

How do I break up with my boyfriend? We've been dating long distance for 6 months now. I care about him but I'm not in love with him the way he is in love with me. He seems to be needy and wants my attention all the time. He gets upset when I don't call him or say I have things to do. I am an independent person working on getting through school. I don't know how or when to break up with him. The problem is that he recently gave me a diamond necklace for Valentine's Day and I feel guilty for not ending it sooner. He is a great guy but our personalities do not match up that well. I'm planning to move to the city he is in for school and for him, but should I break up with him before I move or after? Should I tell him on the phone or in person? On the other hand, I feel I should stay with him and see how things go. But I’m afraid he is going to go into a downward spiral after a break up like he did with his last relationship. I don’t want to affect his schoolwork. I know it’s not something I can control, but I feel so bad. On top of which, I have some of my things at his house right now that I left. And the apartment I’m moving into is going to be really close to his. How do I avoid conflict?

 

On top of this, I'm still not over my ex-boyfriend and have been thinking about him excessively this past week. And then when I found out he is dating another girl, I've become more obsessed. I know things are not going well with my current boyfriend. And at the same time I want to get back with my ex-boyfriend (we dated for 4 years and were engaged before I called off the engagement because he wasn't serious about it). The problem here is that I told him about my needs and he didn't change, but now he is changed. However he is seeing another girl. I miss him so much. And recently communication between us has opened. I want to tell him how much I miss him, is that inappropriate? I want to see if he still wants me…but at the same time, I feel like I should just be single and forget guys. My ex isn't all that bad, just stubborn and I was sick of doing all the work. Perhaps I gave up too soon on him?

 

What do I do? I have so many questions. And I’m so confused.

 

Any thoughts? I’ve mulled over this so many times, I need a second pair of eyes on the situation.

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My advice is that you need to get this all out of your head and on to paper. Here is why. When you think about all this everything is in a jumble and emotions rule. You need to be smart. By organizing your thoughts on paper you can be more logical about things. I would make columns with the good and bad.

 

Then make a decision. You need to think about what is best for you only. What you need...not want.

 

But, be honest. If you do the right thing, you will never be sorry. Even when it hurts.

 

For this guy, tell him the truth and be straight. Dont lie.

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I actually did start writing things down cuz I was getting confused.

 

I broke up with my boyfriend. It was difficult and easy at the same time. I got all worked up about it. But it went ok, if break ups can be "ok."

 

I've realized that I'm just missing my 1st ex because he isn't available anymore. I guess I thought I could always get him back later, but now that he is with someone, I want him more. But honestly I know now that I don't want him.

 

Thanks for the feedback.

 

Now to move on with life.

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