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A bit worried, paranoid as usual. Need reassurance!


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Right now my mind is running all over the place, worried that these people might not like me, worried that whatever I said on Sunday might cause me to lose my friendships with them.

 

I am paranoid and don't know what to do.

 

I was planning to go over to the mutual friend's house tonight to play WoW. On Sunday, they had told me they would probably play tonight and do a dungeon run. Last week, I played from home instead of heading over there. Tonight I called to see what was up. One of the guys answered the phone (not the mutual friend) and told me that they were probably not going to play tonight since the mutual friend was not feeling well (he wasn't home yet, I take it). The guy told me that he was leaving soon (he has to go to work and he usually plays for a while and then leaves). He told me that they might be online later.

 

I then asked who all was over there and he told me that it was just him and P (the guy I like) and that the other guy was coming home later (mutual friend usually gets home around 7:30, from what I remember). He then said they were leaving soon.

 

I don't get this. Am I overreacting, now I am starting to think that they don't like me or just turned on me

 

If this is the case (and I could be HORRIBLY OVERREACTING), I am also the type to demand to know why.

 

I might see P at practice tomorrow. I probably will see the mutual friend (unless he's sick), since his gf is starting to learn how to fence and he shows up to watch her do it.

 

I really don;t want to lose these people as friends. Part of me is tempted to find out what is going on.

 

I need to not jump to worst case scenarios.

 

Please give me some reassurances.

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I can't help except by sending a hug and letting you know that I'm locked up in a full fledged anxiety attack over a meeting I had today at work. So I'll be up dealing with the racing thoughts and such for a while with you. (although I just drank "Easy Now" tea to help cut it out...)

 

Try try try not to overthink. If the thoughts must race, try not to create "what if" scenarios. It makes things worse if you do, and you can actually influence your own behavior / perspective the next day!! You'll see things a little more clearly in the morning, I promise.

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COTuner, thanks for your post. I am trying hard not to overreact to this and do anything stupid. I am trying not to come up with worst case scenarios about these issues.

 

My biggest issue is maybe they may now NOT want to be my friends anymore. And maybe P now hates me.

 

I am listening to some Mozart to try to calm down.

 

Tomorrow, I will probably see some of them at practice. Maybe I will try to reassess at that point in time.

 

Good luck to you too. I know how much anxiety can really harm.

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Just please don't confront any of them about this since it was most likely a harmless thing tonight and not a diss to you. If you were to confront them over this and it be nothing (which I DO think you are being paranoid) that likely won't fly over too well.

 

I do think this is a way over reaction.

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Your best friend is your mind. People can be fickle.Everyone says something silly sometimes so if they cant accept you for who you are then theyre no friends.Take care.

 

On Sunday I told a mutual friend that I had crush on someone that we all know. The mutual friend told me that they all knew because of the way I acted around him. But it didn't seem a problem. He found it funny.

 

They also had a conversation with me about a concern they had about some drinking incident a few weeks past. We did iron out the issues associated with that though.

 

I hope they are not turning on me because of this.

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Just please don't confront any of them about this since it was most likely a harmless thing tonight and not a diss to you. If you were to confront them over this and it be nothing (which I DO think you are being paranoid) that likely won't fly over too well.

 

I do think this is a way over reaction.

 

No I am not going to confront them over this. Actually my first reaction was to want to call and find out what was going on, but I DIDN'T. Instead, I posted on here and put on some classical music to calm down.

 

I am going to see my GP for a checkup on Thurs. I am going to try to get some Ativan (anti-anxiety medication), to help me with my anxiety. I've taken Ativan before way in the past, and it has helped to calm me down before.

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No I am not going to confront them over this. Actually my first reaction was to want to call and find out what was going on, but I DIDN'T. Instead, I posted on here and put on some classical music to calm down.

 

I am going to see my GP for a checkup on Thurs. I am going to try to get some Ativan (anti-anxiety medication), to help me with my anxiety. I've taken Ativan before way in the past, and it has helped to calm me down before.

 

I think it a very good idea that you do things like you are to calm down before making any rash phonecalls or anything. Mozart is great, i am listening to public radio myself right now and they are playing mozart and some of the other great classics. LOL

 

Since you have had a few minor 'spills' with these guys just relax and try not to jump the gun....I am sure they were just doing exactly what they said with no hidden meaning behind it.

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I really have to calm down.

 

I'm starting to come up with weird scenarios like P doesn't like being around me, that our mutual friend told P I like him, stuff like that, and now no one in that group wants to be friends with me anymore.

 

Yeah, I freak myself out.

 

I KNOW I am overreacting and NEED to calm down. I just worry so much.

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I don't think you ARE overreacting, Ren.

 

You made a mistake flirting in a childlike way and telling that you have this crush. Of course people tell things. I assumed that is the reason you told it, so that he would find out and ask you out. But I think this has backfired on you, that they may think of this as a joke and are ribbing the guy about it. If so, then he is terribly embarrassed and uncomfortable when you are around.

 

But you should have known this would happen.

 

I think you should stop calling and inviting yourself to their homes. And if you don't get invited, please do not confront them.

 

I absolutely agree with you about one thing. You should get to the doctor about the severe anxiety and get something to take for it.

 

Good luck, Ren. Sorry you are having such a hard time with this. But it could have been so easily avoided.

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I think he already knew I liked him. It was quite obvious.

 

I did NOT tell the mutual friend so that he would tell him. I wanted to have an idea if he knew if I liked him, or if there was any possibility for something to happen between the both of us.

 

These people are not the type to be cruel to me, or hurt me, unless I gave them reason to. And I DON'T think I did. It isn't as though I went and hurt them in some way.

 

If after this past weekend, they start shunning me or being weird to me (and I don't think they will), you can bet I will call them out on it, because honesty is something I ask for, esp with other people, esp if it has to do with something I may have done wrong.

 

So I can RIGHT whatever I have done wrong.

 

As for inviting myself to their homes, they always welcome company. They just like me to call and check to see if they are around before coming over.

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Well then Ren if all of this is what you believe to be true then why all of this worry and paranoia? I just don't get why you want to do this...you will post something and you get an off the cuff response from Miss F who is just giving her take then you say that couldn't possibly be the case - but if that IS what you really believe, the above, then WHY write this thread? You are going to worry yourself into a serious medical condition and i have to agree with Miss F that you should consult a doctor for this anxiety. Ever since you have found this group opf friends, which i believe could be a wonderful group for you, you have been so intent on trying to self sabotage yourself.

 

If they did shun you, and we are not seuthsayers we don't know what will happen, but if they did, how can you call them on it if by your own admission in your last half dozen threads you think it might have been your behavior that caused them to migrate away? I don't know if they will do that but if for whatever reason they migrated away you can't force them to hang out with you.

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I wrote the thread because I'm scared and I am also scaring myself by thinking of all the worst case scenarios.

 

I also did it to vent, get some reassurances that I am overreacting, and so I don't do stupid things like call them and ask for reassurances or explanations.

 

I still have friends with my fencer buddies, but I was hoping to be able to be friends with this group of people.

 

I am not trying to self-sabotage myself. I just worry SOOO much that I will lose their friendship, that I cannot relax and end up doing weird things.

 

I was also a bit hurt by Miss F's post. Her bluntness kind of hurt my feelings, because she voiced out one of my biggest fears.

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When I mean call them out on it, I was meaning, "don't I get one chance to make right whatever I did wrong". We ALL have our down days and our weird hiccups. It would be quite cruel for people to judge people based on ONE aberration, and they have known me a bit more than that to know that I am a nervous person, I am also a nice, kind, generous and understanding person.

 

I am going all over the place with this, but I think that people deserve at least ONE chance? It wasn't as if I went and gossiped something bad about someone, badmouthed someone, etc.

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But Ren it has been said many times that it is your constant worry that is causing the behaviors in the first place that are self sabotaging. The drunk episode was because of your constant worry and you spent the night weeping to these new friends and saying to them that you didn't feel they liked you and hopping on P's lap, and the other guy's ... that in itself is a redflag to brand new friends. Then when the one guy talked to you about it and was appointed by the group to bring it up as people were concerned, it was your constant worry about this guy P liking you that led you to bring up 'does he know i like him'. Now it is your worry that they are shunning you tonight taht could have very well led to you asking them about it and calling them on it, making them even more concerned.

 

See the pattern here? It isn't that you are not a very nice person. You are, i know that. It is that your pattern of this kind of excessive worry will grow very weary on new friends and if it continues they might shake their heads in exasporation and just say 'i give up'. Even someone very nice can become very taxing if they need constant reassuring around the clock. It is just too much for new friends to try to absorb and can make them give up if you don't let up.

 

You have to stop it sooner rather than later. It is obviously becoming a real problem in your personal world.

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JS, you are very correct. I see what I am doing, that my excessive worrying can be "tiresome" and can lead to them not wanting to hang out with me anymore (since it can be draining). No, I haven't done any more stupid things, like call them out on it. I came on here to post so I could calm my anxiety down and not think of worst case scenarios. Miss F's post kind of set off my worries and anxieties anew, but she does have a point.

 

I just hope I haven't done any irreparable damage to my friendship with these people.

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I noticed that bulletproof suggested finding another hobby in your other thread. I think that is a good idea. I am not saying to stop hanging with this group, just that another diversion in the mix will help you to not rely on them so heavily for all of your social interaction. It is good to keep several burners going on the stove at one time ... you are obsessing too much about everything that this group does and says and that isn't healthy. Get some other activities going at the same time so that you are not reliant on the same people for all of your interaction.

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Ren, I knew it would hurt you to hear that. I even imagined it could make you cry. And I was afraid to read your response to me since I also have feelings (believe it or not).

 

I hurt even reading about your frustration and am trying my best to tell you what I think could help. I also would never want to hurt you, but telling that you're doing just great and reassuring you is pointless. It would be a lie.

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JS, I already hang with two different groups in the SCA (these people and also the people who fence, although both groups does intertwine sometimes, since some people are involved with both). It's hard for me to reach out even more and socialize and meet new friends. It took a long while before I got comfortable doing SCA things and hanging out with people there.

 

I probably cling to this group too much, but it isn't as though I am asking them for advice on personal things (Sunday was the first time I had actually talked about personal things in my life - like my crush on this guy), and they were the ones who wanted me to open up to them.

 

Miss F, yes I was hurt by it. No, I didn't cry since that doesn't do any good. I'm not sure what to do right now. I am hoping for the best. The mutual friend (as much as I know him from being friends with him and from hearing about him from others), he is a good and honorable person and would probably NOT use what I told him in confidence against me.

 

As for the drinking incident, it was a one time discrepancy and I would think these people, should be forgiving enough of that, esp if I DON'T repeat it again. And it wasn't I did anything stupid, like cuss out someone, attack someone, etc., I just got a bit hyper and was running around all over the place and they had to keep an eye out for me, so I didn't hurt myself.

 

I don't think I did anything (even all the weirdness combined), that could cause them to NOT be my friends.

 

Miss F, I am glad you didn't lie to me. It's just that your words kinda hurt, but that is NOT your fault.

 

I just worry about worse case scenario things.

 

I am also the type that if I notice that I am being shunned as a friend, I will plead for one more chance (I still don't think I did anything that heinous though).

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Ren, out of curiosity, did someone start a conversation about your drinking mishap? Or was it you who began that conversation? I don't remember you saying, but I have a hard time believing a group of people would start an intervention because you got tipsy at a party. Were you asking this person if he (or she) thought you were unacceptable because you did that?

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Ren, out of curiosity, did someone start a conversation about your drinking mishap? Or was it you who began that conversation? I don't remember you saying, but I have a hard time believing a group of people would start an intervention because you got tipsy at a party. Were you asking this person if he (or she) thought you were unacceptable because you did that?

 

Actually, the mutual friend brought it up to me. He brought it up to me because he wanted to know if this was something he and our friends needed to be concerned about, esp at the next camp event, which is in May. Part of the niceness of this group of people (not just our subgroup), is that they do watch out for each other. He told me that when I got drunk this past time, a lot of people had to chase me around and make sure that I didn't fall or do anything to hurt myself. And he wanted to know if this was going to be an issue at the next event.

 

He and the rest of the people who witnessed my drunken episode and watched out for me, they wanted to bring it up to me, but felt weird about it, so he volunteered to do it, since I hang out with him and his friends a lot. He said he wanted to head off any issues so that we could all be friends and not have any uncomfortableness.

 

With this drunkenness, if I don't do it again, then I think people will just chalk it as one crazy time, and let it be.

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Oh, then he was truly concerned about it. I was just afraid you were seeking reassurance from him that it was OK after you did that. You know, like you are doing here, asking for reassurance. I think you should totally forgive yourself for that night. Most of us have had a bad night where we drank because of nervousness. What you did wasn't an evil thing, nothing anyone should judge you for.

 

You are just too hard on yourself. That is what I think. I mean about everything. Just watch the news every night. That should remind you that you are not a bad person.

 

But always remember, if they have decided or ever do decide they don't want you to hang with them...that is their decision and their right. None of us can convince other people to like us or be our friend. The more you talk about these things, the more they will withdraw from you. Just let it be.

 

Maybe you wouldn't feel so scared if you lived by your family, Ren. Is that not a possibility?

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