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Two months and he's back


orangetemple
Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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So...

 

Been on and off with this guy for wow must be a year and a half now.

 

Its only ever been a casual thing... And he actually told me on Dec 28 that it was over, that he was "over" the casual thing etc. Basically kicked me to the kerb (and over IM as well).

 

It really hit me hard because i had developed feeeelings... you know the drill..

 

Sent him emails telling him i missed him, texted him, all of that for about 3 weeks. I was all the more devastated because i know that with him "no" really means "no".

 

Then i got caught up in my own life, and kind of got over it. We were sort of still emailing a bit.

 

I emailed him yesterday telling him i wanted to see him. He came over last night and we had sex. I hadnt seen him since December.

 

Do i just assume he is now not "over" casual sex any more???

 

He knows I have feelings for him. Especially after all the emails and texts i sent him when he dumped me.

 

After all this time could he be feeling something to (aside from in his pants)????

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Hmm...sounds like emotionally dangerous territory. I don't think you should continue with the casual sex. Your feelings are involved and if you want more, you should poke around and see where his head is at before you proceed.

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i think it sounds like neither of you really know what you want, other than sexual gratification.

 

i don't believe in the term 'casual relationship'. To me, it's a term that is coined by people who are too scared of committing themselves to someone for whatever reason.

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Lady- getting into his head is dangerous territory in itself. Very much the silent type.

 

It's decision time--you either talk to him about what you want (don't have to overwhelm him, but some nudging is in order) or go your separate ways. Otherwise, I fear you will end up hurt.

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top bloke- good god that really a photo of you?

 

Yes, piece of meat most likely

 

Lady- getting into his head is dangerous territory in itself. Very much the silent type.

 

HAHA..no it is not me .He is an actor and I am for real.heh What I look like..??doesnt matter

You are a lady with a future dont let him treat you like that..get rid of this chicken

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I think if I said anything now, like after one night, after not seeing each other for months, he will run away.

 

i just wonder though whether there really IS a change in his feelings, or I'm just wishful thinking.

 

you need to have boundaries and you need to express your feelings. if you telling him that you have feelings and you want something more than casual makes him run away, then unfortunately that is your answer and you should move on without a second thought.

 

If you don't set clear boundaries for yourself and what you are looking for in a relationship, then people will exploit you

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I think if I said anything now, like after one night, after not seeing each other for months, he will run away.

 

i just wonder though whether there really IS a change in his feelings, or I'm just wishful thinking.

 

I think it's just wishful thinking. I read a lot of your previous posts about this guy, and it doesn't sound like he's doing anything different than he's done before. He contacted you to fish around to see if you were interested in hooking up, and you asked to see him, and so you hooked up. I'd be really suprised that, if in his mind, there was anything else to it other than that.

 

Honestly, OT, if you want a real relationship with this guy -- not just a casual "benefits" situation, this isn't the way to go about it. If you keep letting him think that you are willing to sleep with him casually, he will continue to do so.

 

I'm if this sounds harsh, but I'm basing my response on everything you've posted about this guy in the past, and this is how it looks to me.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Its still going on. I went away and didnt contact him for 2 weeks, and then i cracked and contacted him on sunday (text0 asking to see him. No reply. I called, and he gave me some bull about having problems at work, getting no sleep (he's a shift worker) . Although i am and have been sympathetic to his ridiculous job, sometimes i just think its an excuse.

 

So i ask him if we can see each other this week.

 

he says he will text me back when he is ready and that he "doesnt know" " i dont know".

 

I sent him a nice email later expressing concern about whats going on at work (its a boring story to say here), and he replied, but didnt thank me or anything. I then offered him help with writing applications. Although he is super above average intelligent, his writing is not that great.

 

NO REPLY

 

* * * am i doing???????????????????????????????????????????????

 

Ive always been there and thats half the fricken problem.

 

Texted him last night telling him i wished he was here, and NO reply.

 

Why doesnt he just tell me to F off???

 

seriously i would rather THAT than being ignored.

 

help me.

 

and yes i saw the movie "he's just not that into you" and i am STILL doing this sh!#t

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OT, you've gotten tons of good advice on this guy in the past, and you've not taken any of it. You keep initiating contact with this guy, and then you wonder why he doesn't respond and why he treats you like crap. I'm going to be a bit harsh here: He is treating you like this because you are letting him. Not only are you letting him, you are encouraging him to treat you this way.

 

You've asked the question before about why he doesn't just tell you to go away, and that question has been answered repeatedly: No answer IS your answer. He simply doesn't care enough about you to bother.

 

I'm sorry if this comes off as sounding mean. I'm usually a lot nicer, but...when I read your posts and see what you're doing to yourself with this guy, it makes me really sad. His lack of caring is NOT a reflection on you. He simply doesn't want anything serious with you, and since you've been allowing him to have sex with you without strings attached, he believes he can continue to do so.

 

I really think you need to do some soul searching into WHY you allow yourself to be treated this way. Leave this guy alone and focus on YOU. Don't you think you deserve better? I'm thinking that that's the issue right there: Something in you is telling you that you DON'T deserve better, so you're accepting scraps from this shoddy excuse for a man who simply doesn't care enough about you to return messages or to make plans. Hasn't this pattern repeated itself enough with this guy?

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i see.............

 

anyone else.

 

help

 

I just responded, though I'm not sure you'll like my response. I'm sorry if it seems harsh, but...you've got to understand how you're shortchanging yourself here. In essence, everytime you contact him, you are saying, "I don't care enough about myself to have higher expectations for a relationship, so I'm willing to accept whatever scraps you throw my way."

 

I KNOW you think more highly of yourself than that, OT -- you have to! And if you don't, then why don't you?

 

I know the tendency to want to just take whatever a guy is offering -- no matter how paltry it is -- because you're attracted to him and have feelings for him. I've been there with my ex. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do was turn him down TWICE (quite some time ago) when he wanted to be physically intimate with me but it was clear that he was not prepared to give me anything more than that. I had no choice but to make it clear to him that I wanted and deserved more. He is VERY aware that I respect myself enough NOT to get into some sort of "FWB" situation. It was very, very difficult to turn him down those times. I even cried about it a little, but I had no choice. My dignity and sense of self-worth wouldn't allow me to accept less than what I want and deserve. I hope that you will be able to do the same at some point.

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  • 7 months later...

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