How do you keep your kids from turning into nightmares?

[ResonanceTheory]

I know that raising a kid is no joke--and I'm not planning on doing so for several years. Today I caught Nanny 911. In short, I don't understand how children can turn out like that. I never hit, spit at, or screamed at my mother and wouldn't dream of doing so. As a child, I felt loved by my mother but I was also afraid of the consequences that would come about if I disobeyed the rules. Sure, I broke rules but I respected (and, sometimes, feared) her, because there were real consequences to my actions.

 

I think that a big part of it was that my mom gave me spankings when I was younger. I don't think it's right to beat a child, and I remember that, when I was young, sometimes it hurt a little TOO much. But how do you punish a child if there's no real punishment?

 

I feel like some children just walk around like spaced-out mini-adults, connected to the internet and video games, introduced to a bigger and more mature world at an earlier and earlier age. Everything is done for them,imagination and independent creativity isn't emphasized like it used to be. Even children that grew up only a decade behind me have no discipline. When I go back home to my neighborhood, I see 11 and 12 year old kids running in the streets at all hours of the night. I wasn't even allowed out of the house after dark unless my mother knew where I was and that I was inside and safe.

 

How do you modern parents do it?

[DropToZero]

Shortest way to answer this huge issue...

 

Parents aren't being parents, and they giving in and letting their kids get what they want-when they want it. They're being friends to their kids instead of role models and disciplinaries along with being loving.

 

It all started with the last few generations, and probably the idea of credit(just the idea, not just the system itself)... it basis out to... this generation wants what they want, and they're not waiting or working for it, we'd rather go into debt and get what we want without working for it and saving our money diligently, and in the end... most lose when it comes to getting into debt. Then this generation passes it onto their kids and their kids and their kids... and so on... kids are adults from the day they can see and understand what their parents are doing... and if their parents aren't watching their actions, they're breeding hell and becoming a curse within their own childs future and life itself.

 

I don't have kids, so you don't have to trust me if you wish... but my kids will be respecting, and they will work for what they want/need, and they will understand the values... I dont care what any other kid/family has that my child may be jealous of... they will be kept kids until they are old enough to deal with adult issues too... they will not be allowed to look/talk at everything and anything they want on TV and the internet either. Then when they are older... they will thank me, just as I have thanked my parents.

[Scorpion Fury]

I believe in spanking.

[Binoo]

I have no children either but, like you, I never had fits as a child. To this day, I have never swore or even raised my voice to my parents. This is not to say that I've always been a good child. I went through the standard rebellious teenager stage.

But some of the things I see on television or watching some of my friends interact with their parents etc. leaves me absolutely speechless!

 

My mother is a daycare teacher so I think child rearing for her was always fairly easy for the most part.

My dad was pretty strict but fair. He would spank, slap, he's dragged me accross the floor by the hair! But it was never a regular thing and it certainly hasn't screwed me up or convinced me that I was ever abused as a child.

 

I wouldn't say I live in fear of my parents but I have a very high respect for them which often times, holds me back from doing some really stupid stuff.

 

I really think a lot of the parents on this Nanny 911 show and etc. are those who are at their wits ends. They give up too quickly. Of the episodes I've seen, most of them just sit there with defeated looks on their faces rather than getting off their butt and being a parent. I think some kids are just going to be trouble at times but if you put some effort in, the chances of them throwing fits etc. will lessen greatly.

[top bloke]

It is testing. You just do your your best.I was smacked too and so we were scared to step out of line.My daughter has been a dream kid..16 and still loves unicorns. My boy is a good kid but testing. Each child is different and needs to be led with their needs. My boy likes being talked to as a little man and tends to not listen otherwise. You have to pick up things like this to keep them open to you

[unabashed]

I think, to a great degree, it has to do with the temperment of the child. But, also, if parents provide a good balance of freedom and boundariees, are consistent with rules and consequences, and treat their kids with the respect that they expect their kids to show others--then, I think there is a good chance that the kids will ultimately turn out well.

 

I've raised two kids who are relatively polite, well-behaved, and familiy oriented. We never spanked them, but they never really pushed beyond a certain limit. We took a couple of courses and read books about raising ethical kids. They weren't "how-to" books, so much, but gave us some things to think about. I was surprised recently to hear my ex-husband say that his girlfriend's unruly two young children need to be smacked. They are out of control. But, then again, she sets absolutely no limits, and there are never any consequences that they can count on.

 

I really think that if you treat kids the way you want to be treated, you will go far in raising them well.

[ResonanceTheory]

I think, to a great degree, it has to do with the temperment of the child.

 

But don't their temperaments depend on how you raise them?

 

I've raised two kids who are relatively polite, well-behaved, and familiy oriented. We never spanked them, but they never really pushed beyond a certain limit. We took a couple of courses and read books about raising ethical kids. They weren't "how-to" books, so much, but gave us some things to think about. I was surprised recently to hear my ex-husband say that his girlfriend's unruly two young children need to be smacked.

 

how do you enforce limits without physical punishment? Cause I've been thinking about it, and I think that, a lot of times when I wanted to do "bad" things as a child, the prospect of physical punishment kept me in line. Actually, to be more germane--it was my mother's "power" that kept me in line. I wasn't spanked every day, but I knew that if she WANTED to(if I had done something wrong), she could, as she had before--and that gave her a certain power over me. I was actually much less afraid of groundings because they always seemed to lift after a week or even a weekend.

 

So this has me thinking, if I don't (and I certainly don't, in theory, WANT to) spank my children, what are the methods that someone can use to enforce rules, but not be cruel? to get the point accross, but not be extreme? I remember that I saw my mom as somewhat strict when I was younger (and into my teen years, of course), but now, in my twenties, I really appreciate what she did and feel like she saved me from a whole lot of grief that a lot of other girls my age had to deal with as a result of their parents allowing them to go crazy.

 

Also, I sort of agree with Drop to Zero. People want what they want, when they want it. Even when it comes to raising children: they want a videogame or a program to do it instead of engaging the child themselves.

[waveseer]

Love your kids, give them your undivided attention, and set reasonable limits and expectations.

[top bloke]

Sometimes kids need a whack..full stop.Each child has their own personality. Children must respect the family to respect themselves.The most inportant thing is to keep open communication or they may hide behind your back.

[mgirl]

I think this sounds good, you will make a great parent!

 

My mum was strict. Yes, she hit me sometimes, probably a bit inappropriately at times, but overall, she instilled a sense of discipline in both my sister and i.

 

How did she do it?

 

By setting limits, by constantly correcting us if something went wrong. When we got old enough to realise it, she would reward us occassionally and then cancel those rewards if we mis-behaved. A common example was a tv show we loved watching. If we acted up, we wouldn't be allowed to watch it and would have to sit up knowing it was on. Real torture!!

[unabashed]

I'm not here to judge anyone else's parenting approaches, but I don't think, personally, that there is ever any reason to hit a child. I just don't, and I would not. With my own children, they had rules and consequences. I chose to focus on the important things, so I wasn't constantly getting into a power struggle with them. From my observation, hitting and problems in general, seem to be worse when parents think it's about power and control rather than guidance and love. Some people learn to follow rules out of fear, some because they enjoy feeling like they can accomplish something and be appreciated for it. I think that people are born with their "natures" and we can encourage that or not. How someone is raised greatly affects them, yes. But, if you allow a child to grow into who they are, there are far less problems, all around. You may think this is simplistic, but it has worked for me and for people I know. Hitting a child or justifying the fact that one was hit, doesn't really make it the most effective or positive parenting technique. There are great resources out there if anyone wants to learn some things about it--often you have to learn about yourself, first. Parenting doesn't come with a manual, but I don't understand why people then feel they should just make it up as they go along--in the face of failing relationships with their kids.

[Dating Coach]

If you watch Nanny 911 I think you can pick up a lot of tips on how to discipline a child. Children on up to teens will ALWAYS test you and see what they can and cannot get away with. You have to remember that you are the boss and what you say goes. You have to be ready and willing to enforce it with a variety of rewards and punishments, but always maintain that you are the boss and what you say goes.