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Cyber Cheating


amp54
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this ...
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this First

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Yesterday my boyfriend opened up his email and I saw an email from a suspicious website. I looked it up today and I found out it's a website that is for people who want to have affairs. He has emailed a couple girls to "chat". When I confronted him he told me he was just curious and he wanted to have some "erotic chat". I feel heartbroken. Just this weekend we went to check out another town that we were moving to because I'm going back to school. We were planning on finally moving in together as we've been together for almost three years. I took it really bad and I broke up with him, but he swears up and down that it was just out of curiosity and that he didn't want anything and that he doesn't think it's a big deal because it's nothing physical. He also tried to turn it around on me because we haven't been very intimate lately because we had been going through a rough patch due to him being out of work.

 

This weekend was awesome and I really thought our relationship was back on track and now I feel like it's been shattered. I don't know what to do. I feel too embarassed to talk to any of my friends.

 

I need some advice.

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I would be infuriated!

My ex did something quite similar and claimed it was no big deal. Just wanted e-mails from women who wanted him etc. [ ya, right... ].

And he even had the nerve to say it was okay for him to chat with other women because he's a man and it's okay and non-threatening for a man to have emotional affairs [ but if I did the same thing I would be a horrible excuse for a woman ]. Blah, blah, blah.

You made the right choice breaking up with him. Leave him to his internet floosies and you can go look for a real man.

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You did the right thing by dumping him. What he did was unacceptable...made worse by the fact that he made excuses for his behaviour, doesn't see it as cheating and even twisted it around on you. You need to stay strong with your decision...even if he comes back in a few days with grand apologies claiming he will never do it again....he will..because what you saw on display were his TRUE COLOURS.

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First of all, congrats on breaking up with him! Dont let him make it seem like it wasnt a big deal...because when that doesnt work they go to plan B and thats always trying to lay the blame on anyone but them...so what if you guys were goin thru a rough patch, thats no excuse to go off looking for an "erotic chat"...thats just the first step, whos to say he wouldnt try anything else.

Stick to your guns.

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This kind of stuff, even if it was intented to be online only for the time being, usually leads to physical cheating sooner or later. Tough to say if you should get rid of him for good though if you guys were getting serious. One of two things can happen right now and they are 1. either he will take this slap in the hand with the notion of cheating and learn from it and never do it again realizing its wrong and in fear of losing you or 2. he will resort to cheating in the future, either way its impossible to tell what he is like deep at heart. I would make it very clear to him that you won't tolerate anything even close to this ever again, let him make it up to you and forgive him in time, but never forget and keep on a look out if he is doing anything suspicious.

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So sorry this happened. But yea, I'd have dumped him too.

 

Even IF it was only for erotic chats, that would have been enough. But i can almost guarantee there was likely more than that on his mind. No one who has ever been caught in the history of those sites like adult friend finder has ever admitted 'yea i was going to cheat on you'.

 

I know this is hard but i think you made a very brave and sound decision. Those types of sites are NOT for commitment minded people. People who sign up for and chat with people on a site like that are looking for something outside of the marriage or relationship, to include 'cyber cheating'.

 

The only reason I am less inclined to say 'try to work it out' is because a lot of people who do this end up making it habitual - they just try to hide it better - and as such their partners end up going thru emotional torture. I was on another site and they had a woman who had been battling her partners 'online activities' for SEVEN years and she kept believing everytime that this time he 'really was going to stop'. Her posts were both heartbreaking and frustrating because one has to wonder how many times does a person have to get caught before a person believes they are married to a snake?

 

And who wants to live their life knowing if the relationship takes a dip in the excitement meter that they have a partner inclined to look up extracurricular cyber activity?

 

I wouldn't care if it ever led to physical or not. Just the fact that he solicited real people on a site for cheaters (yea, their biggest client base is CHEATERS and adulterers) even if just for chats would sicken me greatly.

 

It seems like the internet makes cheating so much easier, and it does, but it doesn't make people who aren't cheaters cheat. It just gives them more oppty to do it and more oppty to get caught, as in how you found out about his 'activities. Sometimes i get so sickened with the internet and the hundreds of opportunities it lends to allow others to cheat on their partners but it has occurred to me in the past few years that people who won't cheat are not going to be tempted just because there is more oppty.

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You are right, it is cheating. Im sorry that happened to you. I tried to forgive someone who did that to me, but he continued to do it despite giving me his word. And that was just what I found, I don't even want to know what else went on.

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You are right, it is cheating. Im sorry that happened to you. I tried to forgive someone who did that to me, but he continued to do it despite giving me his word. And that was just what I found, I don't even want to know what else went on.

 

Sadly this is the norm not the exception. I have read enough threads aobut this sort of thing in the past few years to get a good feeling that those who do it once tend to do it again, and again, for so long as their partner keeps taking them back. There is too much temptation on the internet for someone who has cheating proclivities and they rarely just stop cold turkey.

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Cyber Cheating....

I feel ya.

I just caught my husband of only 6 weeks cybersex chatting and texting audio clips, and recieving porn videos on his cell phone with girls he met from the chat site.

 

His excuse was the exact same, that he was just "curious".

 

I think you did the right thing by dumping him, because you should find someone that respects and loves you enough not to do that.

 

Maybe I seem hypocritical for not having left my husband...but divorce is harder than just a breakup.

 

Trust me, you dont' want to commit your life to someone and then find out they are cheating-even if it is just cybering, and he's already been unfaithful.

 

You definitely did the right thing, stay strong, you'll find a better man.

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