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Driving away


DaXMan

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Next week, I'm home for spring break and plan on visiting a friend's college that week, which is a couple hours away. A few of my other friends are going too, and apparently I'm the only one with a car. That's fine, I'm definitely willing to drive my friends up. There is one issue though.

 

One of the guys I'd be driving up is getting home the day I'm leaving. Although we're friends, he's a bit of a burnout and can't make plans to save his life (can't commit). I told him I want to leave at a certain time, but because he says he needs to take a sizable lunch break in the middle of his ride home, he may be back an hour or two later - plus he's not the best on the communication end. Obviously I'd like everyone to make the trip, but I don't want to be playing the waiting game either. This happened in a similar fashion last year where my friend here misled me on the timing, and because someone else was around to drive, the other friend drove hm.

 

My parents agree with me and said I have to leave by a certain time or else I'm not going (otherwise it's getting too late). I wanted to leave by this time and don't enjoy driving unfamiliar roads at night. I'm not so sure he'd wait for me if the roles were reversed and I am very, very sensitive to getting taken advantage of because things like this have happened before. It turns me into a different person.

 

What do I do here? I'm trying to drill into this friend's head that if he's not ready to go around a certain time, I have to get going. He must think I'm bluffing, but my other friends are gonna be pissed if I leave him out to dry. I'm not prolonging the trip and getting there an hour or so later, since as I said before, my parents won't let me drive there if it's too late anyway.

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Tell everyone the same thing- email it if you want to.

The time you're leaving. Period.

Then leave when you planned.

If your other friends get upset, they can get out of the car and wait for the other guy and come up with another ride.

If the one guy thinks you're bluffing, too bad for him.

If you were an airplane or train or bus, no one would hold up for him.

He's rude.

That's what I'd do.

It won't be easy, but the choice is yours

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That's what I'm leaning towards. However, it will be tricky, as you say.

 

If this situation happens, there is going to be a split somewhere. The friend who is basically the median, and one of the friends we're driving up to see, knows this could get ugly if everything here actually happens. I explained that this friend knows what time he needs to be home by, and it's definitely doable. If he's not home by then, either he lied to me about when he was leaving, or he was too busy goofing around and thought I'd be waiting for his leisurely pace. However, I'm usually the one making these sorts of decisions (I don't know why it seems I always am making the conflicting choices, but w/e), so I'll stick by what I say.

 

After thinking a bit, I feel justified if I stick to my gameplan. For starters, if I don't leave by a certain time, I can't drive up there. Second, we don't act like real close friends even though we are friends and have the same group of friends at home. We go to school together, yet it's unusually tough for me to ever get a hold of him. Third, if the roles were reversed, I'm not sure he'd be waiting for me. A few months back, a few guys made a similar trip and I didn't even know about it until the median friend called me asking where the he** I was.

 

It won't be easy, but I'm not going to be taken advantage of. He knows what time to be home by, if he wants to prolong his trip, then he's going to have a problem. Optimally, everyone can be ready to go though, I want everyone to be there, but I won't jump through hoops for someone who won't do the same for me.

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Just one thing that came to mind...it seems some of the closer buddies of this one friend who is coming home the day I'm leaving feel my parents must be too oppressive, why don't I fight them on this, etc.

 

They're wrong; I agree with my parents on this one. First, I WANT to leave earlier in the day. Second, he says he's having a (longer) lunch that day...if he's late, it's his fault. Third...he doesn't give me any reason to make a stand for him. I put a lot more into the friendship he does. He's a nice guy, but he doesn't think of others on a lot of things. At school, I'll invite him to things, but he won't invite me to other things.

 

This raises a question about people in general...Will people who normally try to "have their cake and eat it too" - in other words, take advantage of your olive branch - portray themselves as the big victims when all of a sudden they lose power? That's what I think I'm seeing here. Additionally, I'm hiding the real reasons I'm indifferent whether he makes the ride or not from our other friends, I don't feel they need to be said yet. Sure, I'll take a little hit about me being "little" because my parents gave me the rules, but it may be better than I going off about how this kid is a bit disrespectful.

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I think you really need to stop fretting so much over this. It's quite clear you want to leave at the time you said, so just follow up on what you say. Do what the other poster said, and put all the information in an email. If anyone doesn't like it, tough! After all, you'll be the one who's actually doing the driving and if you don't feel comfortable driving after dark on unfamiliar roads, and your friends still want a lift, then you are perfectly within your rights to say "tough, i'm leaving". Just be firm!

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