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After 3 months of NC he's calling


lauramed
Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS
Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS

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The actual break up happened in July. Within 2 weeks he started to call at least once a week...wanting to know how I was. I never called crying or begging, however I did allow myself to get into that "friend zone" with him about a month after this happened. This continued until the middle of December and then he just disappeared. I tried to call him twice with no response from him whatsoever and knew at that point that I would not be calling him again as much as I wanted to. NC was hard because there was not a minute in the day that I wasn't thinking about him, wanting to talk to him, but I stayed strong and resisted every urge that I had. Now all of a sudden I've gotten two calls from him within 3 days. He had a lame excuse as for the reason that he called. He claimed that he thought it was my car that was towed into the shop that he works and then saw that the car was gone and didn't see me come in to pick it up. He know's my car so I can only assume that he had to come up with some excuse to call. We had a light, funny conversation but then he started asking if I was seeing anybody. I told him that while I've had my chances I'm just not interested in starting up a relationship with anyone right now. I'm working on making me top priority and doing whatever it takes to make me happy. He called again on Saturday asking once again about my dating. He's going to call me sometime this week. So what's up with this and how do I handle it?

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Yes I do want him back, however I don't want to just rush into things and I need to make sure that it's what he wants also. I certainly don't want him coming back because he's lonely and he thinks that I'm a sure thing, only to have him disappear again.

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He was in a dark place at that time. He was trying to stay sober and clean after a lifetime of addictions. I of course started acting a little too clingy and became a drama queen and he couldn't handle it at that time. Too much pressure on him...to make me happy when he was trying to do the right things in his life. I realize now that I"m the one who needs to make me happy and if he's in my life that's a plus. However I am afraid of getting hurt again and I know that I need to handle this the right way because there is no way that I'm going back to that place that I was 3 months ago. I couldn't take that kind of hurt again.

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lauramed... i am in a similar position... my ex just started AA when i met him... and i had just lost my job at the same time... we had just started dating... we broke up in january... i first ended it then needed time to think... but he then turned around and broke up with me saying that the confusion and pressure were too much... i would say just be cautious and take it at his pace... but continue with your life and don't wait for him... he is dealing with a lot of emotional stress... and probably a lot of issues that do not pertain to you... and probably needs time by himself to regroup... pls keep us updated!

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I am going to be very cautious with him. As much as I love him and would like to start a new relationship with him, I am never going to go back into that dark hole that I have been in. I am proud of him though as he's stayed sober for the last 8 months and I know just how hard that has been for him. Needless to say, I am proud of myself for coming out on the other side a much stronger person than I was before.

 

He did ask me if I was seeing someone. I ran into him 6 weeks ago while I was with a male friend of mine, so he wanted to know if that was my new boyfriend. I simply told him that I was just trying to enjoy my life. Going out with friends, having fun and making myself the number one priority and whatever happened...happened.

 

I guess I just need a little advice as to how to handle my next conversation with him. I certainly don't want it to be a heavy conversation, but I need to know why he just disappeared on me 3 months ago and what has changed with him that he wants to see me. As I said there are questions that I need answered but don't want to scare him away at the same time. Just afraid that I'm going to set myself up for heartbreak again.

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He was in a dark place at that time. He was trying to stay sober and clean after a lifetime of addictions.

 

This would REALLY concern me. His motives may not be what you think. I would definitely ask him if he's been able to stay clean.

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