Jump to content

Early Morning Depression and Tender Dreams


Recommended Posts

Well, it's been about a month and a half since I last saw him but it seems to get worse as the days go on. I think I was half in shock when he ended the relationship because I didn't see it coming. It's funny too because around the time we broke up, I actually felt especially close to him. It was just after the holidays and we had just had the best holiday in our whole 7 years together. Even he thought so. I felt like we were really a family.

 

We talked or saw each other daily and we weren't having any problems between us that I knew of. I never believed we would break up. We used to talk about how we were different than other couples and had good communication, how we worked things out when other couples didn't. Over 7 years together. We were close friends since we met 8 years ago. Planned to be married when he graduated college. Now he's graduating college (in 3 weeks). I thought he'd be the last person to end it. Anyway, now I think it's finally sinking in that it's really over.

 

Mornings are hard for me, especially mornings like this when it's cold and dark outside. I'm used to sleeping in now (since I've been laid off) but today I have a doctor's appointment and an interview. What makes it even harder is that he has Mondays off and would usually take me to work and then hang out with me in the afternoon. Now I know he's home yet I can't talk to him or see him. It kills me.

 

What makes it worse is that I had a tender dream about him last night. Some of you guys have been saying you have bad dreams (cheating, etc.). I have those kind too, but this time I dreamed we were in his parents' house. He was hiding me in his bedroom while his mom was cooking dinner. I was lying in his bed watching TV and he would come over to me and kiss me on the forehead and look lovingly at me while he would leave the room to visit with his mom.

 

Then I dreamed I was going to get a haircut to surprise him with, then a ghost came and turned off all the lights and everything was gone! It was pitch black and scary! I woke up feeling sad and alone. I prayed to God. That's all I can do...pray. It hurts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

yeah mornings are the worst. My life without my ex-fiance is like a bad dream...and I just want to wake up from it.

 

The weird thing is, I have started no contact...but I don't want to fall out of love with her. But she doesn't want me anymore, so it makes no sense staying emotionally connected to a person who wouldn't care if I died tomorrow. After 5 1/2 years, I thought we were going to get married. It hurts.

 

Mornings are bad. The thoughts are fresh and they hit me as soon as I wake up. I've learned not to dwell on them though. It just is what it is. Keep praying. You'll get through this. We all will.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Agreed I feel at my lowest in that semi awake hour just before I get up as I'm so aware that her side of the bed is empty.

 

John, it only seems like your ex wouldn't care if you died. I'm sure she cares about you, but she has to put her own happiness before yours and that's what really hurts. Exs can be very mean when they want to get away, but they really want us to be happy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nights were the worst for me, I couldnt sleep...I used to take a sleep aid every night so that I could fall asleep as soon as I was home...and of coure the grogginess from the sleep aids made the mornings worse...

 

I usually sleep very well because the day exhausts me. Its a combo of work, exercise and the stress of missing the ex. I fall asleep to NPR/BBC World Service

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Falling asleep to NPR sounds nice. I was just thinking I need to get a radio by my bed. I have always had to take a while to calm down before going to bed and with my ex we would read together before going to sleep. Sometimes separately and sometimes aloud to each other. Then we would cuddle and talk and call it our "bubble." Nights are bad, but its even worse in the middle of the night when I am half awake. Well mornings aren't so Sh*t hott either.

 

Time is on our side though. I definitely think the long terms hurt in a different way. Mine was 3.5yrs. Its the everyday feelings that really hurt. Even if you can tell yourself a million times why it doesn't work.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel terrible in the mornings as well. Sometimes I feel my life has become a prison and I am stuck in it. Every day it is more of the same.

 

I wait for the day when I feel as good as I did before I met my ex...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...