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saw his pictures with his wife... after 2 yrs


LAYAAN

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You can consider this a rant.

 

2 yrs ago, I ended my contact with a man in the UK. We were in touch with each other on n off for 3 yrs. great for 1st 1.5 yrs, then we just dragged it. Met in person a few times, fooled around. I didn't like him but continued as I was insecure, blah, blah. Finally, he gave me a deadline and said "if you can't come to India by this date and marry me, I'll marry someone else." So, I said "go ahead. You anyways don't like me for who I'm. Its just you want a girl who will say yes to you and you will tie her down in marriage." That was it. He got married to her on the date that he gave me.

 

I had him as a friend on a social networking site. I later on entirely deleted my profile from that site. Surprisingly my google calendar has an ID, I didn't know about. When I logged on to that site recently, after 2 yrs, I saw his n his wife's happy photos and it still hurts. His wife seemed to be very happy. He seemed to have grown thin. In one of his photos he was wearing the shirt I bought him.

 

I sometimes wonder what kinda woman is his wife, who chose to marry a seriously ill, diabetic man who behaved this way with another woman. Did she ever try to find out what the reality was? What does she think about being married to a man who introduced her to me on speaker phone 5 am UK time after a couple of weeks into their marriage? Does she even have any self-respect? Why did he keep calling me repeatedly after his marriage and kept crying that he wasn't happy?

 

Honestly, I feel like calling her and telling her all about him sometime. But sometimes I think, would it even make any difference? would she care since now she is legally his wife?

 

I just want to get over this man. I pity myself sometime. I look back and think, how vulnerable I was, how stupid I was, why did I lack confidence, what in the world was I thinking? I thought I had healed. No. I clearly haven't.

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Sounds like you both made mistakes and have things you need to both work on...individually.

 

What have you learned from the last relationship? What will you do differently?

 

What I know for certain is you should never ever ever date someone if you don't like them. That just causes you and the other person nothing but heartache.

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what have I learned?

For a year, I took break from dating, did some thinking, reading, crying. I have learned that

- if you don't like someone when you 1st meet them, don't go ahead. Stop there.

- if someone calls you names, mistreats you, uses your email account behind your back, says "you won't get anyone better than me", says "I can make your father dance on my finger." RUN AWAY. don't even reconsider getting back together.

- please get a backbone. Whatever you are, brown-black color, bright-not-bright, good natured-wicked, with options in men-without options, whatever it is, learn to like yourself, learn to work on yourself to elevate yourself, know that you have loving n strong parents to turn to. Never forget your dream for your life. Don't sell your soul to a man. Don't become so emotionally dependent on a man that you can't even decide what flavor of icecream to buy.

-learn to socialize, retain your girlfriends, retain good friends, have individual hobbies, activities that can relax you. live your life. have a plan for your life. have some individual goals.

- dont' be stupid while dating. keep your eyes n ears open. dont' tell a man everything about you. don't be too focused on marriage. Please look at quality of a man.

- have faith in yourself. have faith in God.

 

What will I do differently?

- take focus off marriage. look at quality of a man while dating. try to gauge his character.

- retain self-esteem. don't lose that no matter what.

- have friends, social circle, keep 'em.

- no game playing, no putting up with players, no tolerance for non-sense.

- understand that you will still be fine n happy even without a man.

- relax, lighten up.

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aww... Tinu so sorry to hear that. I KNOW how much it hurts when you see photos of someone you liked being with someone else...

 

Don't call up his wife.. its not a good thing to do. That is her life and let her deal with him. You just focus on your life.

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I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. However, I would stop questioning about his wife and start focusing on your life. Even if she looks happy in the photos, you won't truly know that for sure. Looks are deceiving and so are photos. All these questions are irrelevant to you now. No, it isn't a good idea to call his wife and telling her all the details of how he is. It's not your place to do so, she will eventually see the way he is due time. Just be glad that it's not your not married to him, because he could be doing the same to you. Start doing things for yourself, and letting go of the past. Things didn't work out for a reason. Why would you want to be with someone who clearly gave you an ultimatum to get married in the first place. A marriage is a long term commitment and should be agreed upon from both parties, not by force. You will eventually find someone who loves you for you, the first step is to letting go. Good luck.

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I wasn't bowled over by my bf the first time we met, but I did go ahead and we have since fallen in love and have been together many years. Never stop seeing someone just because bells don't ring on the first date. Real love takes time to develop and grows the longer you are together.

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Ya, I don't deny what you are saying. I didn't like him when I saw him the 1st time. I liked his sweet nature back then and still decided to continue with him. But then later on he revealed that he has serious diabetes. I have issue with that.

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Ya, I don't deny what you are saying. I didn't like him when I saw him the 1st time. I liked his sweet nature back then and still decided to continue with him. But then later on he revealed that he has serious diabetes. I have issue with that.

 

More than the diabetes the fact that he was so stupid to reveal something like this to a girl he hardly knew astounds me. Some men can be really stupid

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More than the diabetes the fact that he was so stupid to reveal something like this to a girl he hardly knew astounds me. Some men can be really stupid

no, he kept it hidden for a long time. But after a certain time, you can't keep these things hidden and you certainly can't lie to someone who knows about it.

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wow... was it that bad? you found it and asked him abt it?

ya, he used to get hungry frequently, he would go to the restroom frequently, he would get fatigued sooner. I forced him to share his blood reports with me and said that there is no way on earth, I'll marry you unless you share your blood reports and I am going to talk to your primary care physician about it. I saw some medicines in his bag that help lower bad cholesterol. I asked him about it. He lied. He said "oh this will stop protein drip from my kidney" I got mad at him and said "you don't lie to me. You are also spinning a web of lie around yourself. Either you dont' know, or you don't care to know or you know everything and thats why you are trying to pin someone down in marriage."

See, I have issue with lieing. Whatever is your health condition, come clean, be honest. The other person has every right to know what they are getting into. Tell them the truth. Who wants to deal with dirty surprises into marriage?

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Oh ok... looks like his condition was pretty serious. It also looks like you knew him for a while because you were able to demand his blood test report... People usually do not share that level of information that easily..

 

If you don't mind, how old was he? I am surprised he is talking about 'protein drip from kidney'

 

In any case you have every right to either continue or end a dating relationship at any point in time. It is YOUR life and you really cannot gamble with it. If you don't feel it drop it, there is nothing wrong.

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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