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He has several friends with benefit...


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I've been casually dating this guy and the other night I found out that he currently has several friends with benefit. I don't know how to take the news. We're not sleeping together but I'm starting to develop feelings for this guy. Should I continue dating him or head for the exit?

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If he has several, I'd leave and not look back. Would you ever be able to trust him that he has stopped seeing all of them?

 

He's brutally honest, so I'll probably believe if he says he has stopped seeing them, but I'll wonder if he's satisfied being with just one woman...

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Well, if it's a casual thing, you really have no say. I wouldn't like it much either but it really wouldn't be my place to say anything, ya?

But maybe you should ask him if the two of you became exclusive, would he continue seeing these women. It's best to get these questions out of the way now before you go any further.

If you feel he may go behind your back, he's not worth dating anyway. You need to be able to trust your partner.

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I would stay away.... a girl I was dating wanted me on this arrangement which was bad enough, more so when I found she was having it away with two others!

 

You're better than that, you'll just be consigned as a number to him if you develop anything and you will get hurt.

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I agree with binoo, you're only casually dating so it's too early to place expectations on him. What you need to decide is if you can really develop feelings for someone who is sleeping with several women at once. If you continue to have feelings for him don't sleep with him unless he's willing to make a commitment to see you exclusively though, unless you want to become another FWB.

 

How did you find out about this? Has he led you to believe that he doesn't see other women? If he's deceived you about anything up to this point, move on.

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How did you find out about this? Has he led you to believe that he doesn't see other women? If he's deceived you about anything up to this point, move on.

 

He didn't deceive me. He's brutally honest. I gathered from the bits and pieces of our conversation that he might have FWB, so I flat out asked him and he told me.

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personally - i would think - how serious can he be about dating you and trying to date you exclusively - if he's telling you about his FWB?

 

Well, he didn't volunteer the information. I asked him. He hesitated a little while to answer, but told me the truth.

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did he tell you he was going to continue this arrangement?

 

i dunno - from my point of view, if a guy meets a girl he is crazy about and wants to make a good impression on her, he won't tell her about the FWB. or if he does have some, he'll ditch them so he can try to make things work with the new girl. that's my 2 cents. i mean, it's just not really romantic to hear a guy say something like, 'i'll drop the FWB if we date exclusively.'

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did he tell you he was going to continue this arrangement?

 

Since we're only casually dating, I didn't feel I was in the position to ask him whether he was going to continue the arrangement, but as binoo suggested, I could have asked him what he was going to do if he became exclusive with someone. My guess is that his answer would have been that he would stop the FWB arrangement if he became exclusive with someone.

 

This really stings. My heart has been heavy since I found out about this.

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Since we're only casually dating, I didn't feel I was in the position to ask him whether he was going to continue the arrangement, but as binoo suggested, I could have asked him what he was going to do if he became exclusive with someone. My guess is that his answer would have been that he would stop the FWB arrangement if he became exclusive with someone.

 

This really stinks. My heart has been heavy since I found out about this.

 

yeah - but of course, it didn't make the best impression on you and what you want from your dream man!!!

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I've been casually dating this guy and the other night I found out that he currently has several friends with benefit. I don't know how to take the news. We're not sleeping together but I'm starting to develop feelings for this guy. Should I continue dating him or head for the exit?

 

You're just casually dating him. You're not sleeping with him so you have nothing to worry about. Obviously he is still seeing you without getting anything from it. Don't get attached too soon, maybe you should start seeing other people too.

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My flatmate at uni is like that. He had three regular FWBs back home - an ex, a friend and a girl he was 'seeing'. He met a girl at uni and they were just sleeping together at first, but she really liked him. He kept saying to us (he's really frank about his sex life) that he was considering starting a relationship with her because he wanted her to go on the pill so he could stop using condoms! He also said he really liked her and I believe that, but... last week he cheated on her with a girl from his course, who he'd been flirting with kinda harmlessly, though I don't reckon he planned on cheating. He told his girlfriend the next day, though I'm not sure whether that was because loads of people witnessed what happened. He really is totally obsessed with sex.

 

I'm definitely not going to cast judgement, or tar all guys with the same brush, but it's important to be on your guard with a guy who's proven himself to be a bit of a rogue. There is always a chance you could be different for him, though! I wouldn't sleep with just yet.

 

Also agree with what an earlier poster said, if he's deceived you at all then show him the door.

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Yes, i think you first have to be careful that what he's after might be to add you to his stable of FWBs.

 

And recognize that he most likely is someone with a casual attitude towards sex, and is able to easily separate sex and love and is willing to have sex with people he doesn't particular fancy other than sexually.

 

And that perhaps he is someone who needs a lot of sexual variety and may not have the ability to commit to one women and stay faithful.

 

You might first ask him why he has several and what his attitude is towards sex, fidelity, and commitment.

 

I knew someone like this man and he said the reason he did it was that he got bored easily sexually and needed lots of variety in women, and that he easily separated sex and love and didn't think that sex was directly related to love. I personally thought he was a sex addict where he was more compelled to get lots of sex and sex with various women.

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