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Is being too nice a bad thing?


gee

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My family and friends say I am a very nice guy. Sometime they say I am way too nice. This is who I am I can't change. My best friend has even told me, bro you are a very nice guy and the next women who gets you will be very lucky...BUT you can't be to nice to them all the time. What does that mean? Should I be a bit of a bad boy or something? I am not a bad boy nor am I an angel, but it's in my nature to be a nice guy. That is how I was raised. I like to be a gentleman and treat a woman the way they deserve to be treated.

 

Do some girls get truned off by being too nice? I don't think I am doing anything wrong by being nice. Maybe, I'm approaching the wrong girls. My bestfriend is a bad boy and this guy has no problem getting girls left and right. He is like a pimp..hahaha. I think I'm a bit more conservative and like to show women who I treuly am instead of acting in ways I wouldn't normally act.

 

What do you guys say about this? I just went out on a date last Friday and it didn't go as well as I had prediced. Her ex showed up to the bar we were at and he is the toal opposite of me!!! I thought about what my friend told me. Maybe, she is into bad boys instead of a nice guy. He is her ex for a reason and I think he didn't treat her very well. She is still hung up on him, though!

 

Just wanted to see what people thought about being too nice vs. being a bad boy!

 

Take care all and thanks in advance!

 

gee

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It is the emotionally troubled women who go for the bad boys. Stay nice..not doormat nice...but kind, generous, compassionate nice who also knows how to set healthy boundaries.

 

crazy is soo right. dont be doormat nice at ALL. just be a nice guy and go on your way, youll be fine. I was doormat nice and well what do you do with a mat? you walk all over it.

 

you have good intentions, GO GETTEM

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I don't think being "too nice" is a bad thing unless in goes into doormat territory. But there's a difference between being unable to stand up for yourself and being nice. Aside from that, I don't think you should have to change who you are for a woman. If the women you're dating can appreciate you as you are...then find one who can. haha, I know, easier said than done, but still. I can't imagine why anyone would lose interest in a guy because he's too nice to her.

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There is nothing wrong with being nice. It's just how you go about it. What I notice about guys such as how you're describing yourself is you don't do well with women you just meet. When you first meet a women do you find yourself trying to get to know her? Asking her questions like where do you live? What do you do? Etc?

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Being nice is one thing, but always putting others ahead of yourself is an unattractive behaviour. A healthy, confident person looks out for themselves as well as others. This is what people are referring to as a "doormat". When people say you are "too nice", this is likely what they are referring to.

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crazy is soo right. dont be doormat nice at ALL. just be a nice guy and go on your way, youll be fine. I was doormat nice and well what do you do with a mat? you walk all over it.

 

you have good intentions, GO GETTEM

 

 

Enzarto,

 

I think I used to be doormat nice before. I have changed that now. I don't want to deal with people disrespecting me! I will stay as I am now nice but won't tolerate crapp!

 

gee

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Enzarto,

 

I think I used to be doormat nice before. I have changed that now. I don't want to deal with people disrespecting me! I will stay as I am now nice but won't tolerate crapp!

 

gee

 

I'm for you. I just want women to know i'm a good guy, mature and confident. I'm funny as heckles so i know I can comfort a girl in that sense, but I'm not the friend type if I like a girl, that's just me.

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There is nothing wrong with being nice. It's just how you go about it. What I notice about guys such as how you're describing yourself is you don't do well with women you just meet. When you first meet a women do you find yourself trying to get to know her? Asking her questions like where do you live? What do you do? Etc?

 

 

Well, yeah I like to get to know a woman first before anything. That's something I have changed about myself completely. I won't have sex with a woman I don't have feelings for. I want to feel something there. That's why I do ask questions. I ask question but not in a stalking kind of way. I just want to fell them out.

 

gee

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That's what I think, too! I hope I get lucky finsihing first as a nice guy down the road.

 

Man you will, i've said this all over this enotalone, dont be a nice guy be a good guy, you want to hear something like, "you're cute'', not you're nice. if you want friendship, be a friend, but you have to show more than that to get the idea accross. just be confident a person as is. dont do it for the sake of women, you wont succeed lol.

 

if you are a person whose confident and mature it will show as is, a hard lesson i had to learn (drenched in much rejection from women) so take it from me brother...don't lie, just be you, the awesome cute mature guy.

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I'm for you. I just want women to know i'm a good guy, mature and confident. I'm funny as heckles so i know I can comfort a girl in that sense, but I'm not the friend type if I like a girl, that's just me.

 

Exactly! I feel the same way. I am a happy, mature and confident man! I do love to make a woman laugh and vice versa. Well, if I like someone I like to take it easy and not come off too strong. I hear what you are saying but I like to be friends first before anything. Being too nice again!

 

I don't know. A friend of mine told me to tel lthe girl who left me hanging the other night that if she approached me tomorrow to tell her to F-OFF in her face, walk away and let her feel it!!! I don't have the guts to do something like that. He would def do it. He said, it will teach her a lesson.

 

I just want to meet someone pure and that can like me for who I am.

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Nice is great, but there are nice guys who let people walk all over them and then there are nice guys who know how to say 'no' without looking like a jerk when they say it. The latter do better with the ladies and in friendships because they are nice but also like themselves enough to set limits and won't allow themselves to take abuse from anyone.

 

I'm not sure why some people think that a nice guy is one who dotes on women and does her bidding and doesn't stand up for himself. That is a pushover.

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Man you will, i've said this all over this enotalone, dont be a nice guy be a good guy, you want to hear something like, "you're cute'', not you're nice. if you want friendship, be a friend, but you have to show more than that to get the idea accross. just be confident a person as is. dont do it for the sake of women, you wont succeed lol.

 

if you are a person whose confident and mature it will show as is, a hard lesson i had to learn (drenched in much rejection from women) so take it from me brother...don't lie, just be you, the awesome cute mature guy.

 

Good stuff!

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Well, yeah I like to get to know a woman first before anything. That's something I have changed about myself completely. I won't have sex with a woman I don't have feelings for. I want to feel something there. That's why I do ask questions. I ask question but not in a stalking kind of way. I just want to fell them out.

 

gee

 

Gee, there is a time for those questions. Just not when you first meet a women. Hold off on that stuff for a bit. I am willing to bet you will attract more women that way. Just think of it like this. There are a 100 guys behind you who have asked her those exact questions. Chances are she will respond better to some playing. You telling her a funny story. Some light teasing. Get her interested in you before you jump in like that.

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Gee, there is a time for those questions. Just not when you first meet a women. Hold off on that stuff for a bit. I am willing to bet you will attract more women that way. Just think of it like this. There are a 100 guys behind you who have asked her those exact questions. Chances are she will respond better to some playing. You telling her a funny story. Some light teasing. Get her interested in you before you jump in like that.

 

 

Interesting. I feel like I am a freaking rookie at this. The thing is I have changed so much since emy break up. Dating for me is NEW again and I am rusty. I used to have bad boy side back in high school. I remember I never had any issues picking up a girl. At times I had girls telling me their group thought I was cute and they all like me. I mean, I want this to happen now! hahaha.

 

You make some very good points ,though. I think I do that to make her seem interested and the flirting thing I can do very good. I guess I need some patience. I know it will come. I'm just starting all over again. It's been a year after my break up I never dated before that. I started 0-1 this year. 1 lose with the girl form Friday. Actually, I should see it as a positive thing. She is so messed up I can't even imagine going out with her again!

 

Thanks,

 

gee

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It's good advice, but I don't stick around to be a friend, I have enough of those, if I wanted a relationship, and dont get it, i move on, meh friend maybe but not all out. i'll say hi to you in the halls when i see you but i wont be calling you thats for sure.

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I'm not really talking about being a bad boy so much as just being different than what most women see all the time. I think the first thing you need to do is work on you. Your inner self is so important when it comes to getting women. Not just any women but the kind of women you want in your life. Work on your confidence. You seem half way there. The way you handled that girl was perfect. The no big deal mentality is what you want. Get into the habit of just talking to everyone, not just women you want to be with. Make friends everywhere you go.

 

When you see a women you are attracted to go talk to her. The more you do it the better you will become. Think of it like a new job. When you first start, the work can seem confusing, overwhelming and very unfamiliar but as time goes by it becomes easy and very familiar.

 

I went on a bit but just want to help where i can. Take what you want if anything man. I know it's just my opinion.

 

Btw what do you mean when you said" I think I do that to make her seem interested and the flirting thing I can do very good."

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yes, I agree with other posters here.

Being nice is good, being too nice is useless, won't get you any fruit. Don't be a pushover. Learn to set boundaries and let people know that when they are stepping on them at the 1st offense itself in a calm but firm voice. Otherwise, people will walk all over you. I was too nice and I realized that people start to take you for granted. People start not taking you seriously. People start to not care for your feelings. No, you are a human with feelings n emotions too. Thats why I tell others to be edgy. Look around and just observe how others treat people who will put others in place at their slightest mistake? These are the people you don't mess with. There is an aura around such people that lets others know to stay away n behave themselves. I would strive to be that kinda person. Especially with women, these days, you have to be careful. Being nice won't get you a girl. Either they like you or they don't. Be nice if you want to be, but don't expect that it will make a girl fall for you. If anything, most girls will use you for some fallback relationship and won't respect you.

Same applies to women. Don't be nice girls.

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Going Too Fast In a Relationship? B...
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