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my girlfriend and emotional issues


dorkenmore
Is My Relationship Over - Signs
Is My Relationship Over - Signs

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I'm 20 and my girlfriend is 19, and while our relationship has been great for the most part, she has been having some emotional issues. We've been going about for about 4 months, but before that, we were best friends in high school. We always helped eachother through our other relationships and could confide in eachother. Her last couple of relationships turned out to be very poor, and she was hurt by both of them. We knew that we both had feelings for eachother for some time before we got together, and eventually we decided that we couldn't deny how we felt anymore. We have been dating for 4 months and I still feel like there is a wall in between us. I'm so in love with her, and I can't even DREAM of hurting her, because she means so much to me. She tells me that she wants to feel the same way, and while I want to get a little more serious, she is afraid of commitment and can't fully trust me. She thinks that if we get serious, something will go wrong, just like all of her other relationships. She says she is having a hard time of becoming "emotionally attached". I haven't done anything to give her the idea that I can't be trusted, and in a way, she is judging me based on the actions of other guys. I try so hard to prove to her that i won't hurt her. She tells me that she has no reason to believe i will hurt her, but still thinks something will go wrong. She tells me that she doesn't want to hurt me if she can never feel the way i do about her. Does that mean that giving her time won't do anything? Whats going on here? What should I do? I think she has trust issues, but its me! We've been friends for years! Why does she think everything will turn out for the worse? I love her so much! Help!

 

Thanks

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these are her own issues and not something you can really help her with. you can do and say many things that you think would help make her feel more secure, but she really has to be willing to work on these problems herself. it sounds like she has a deeply rooted insecurity, which is understandable if she's only been in bad and unhealthy relationships. it's unfortunate that her insecurities are getting in the way of your relationship... all i can really advise is that you gently suggest that she seek counseling in order to better understand her own issues and hopefully work on some sort of solution for them.

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Give her time, 4 months is not a very long time and it might take her another 4 to trust you fully. Dont impose yourself too much on her or push for trust as this might pull her away from you. Be patient and it should work out

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these are her own issues and not something you can really help her with. you can do and say many things that you think would help make her feel more secure, but she really has to be willing to work on these problems herself. it sounds like she has a deeply rooted insecurity, which is understandable if she's only been in bad and unhealthy relationships. it's unfortunate that her insecurities are getting in the way of your relationship... all i can really advise is that you gently suggest that she seek counseling in order to better understand her own issues and hopefully work on some sort of solution for them.

 

For everyone that posted, thanks for the help. What makes it so difficult is the fact that we have been friends for years, and it hurts that she can't trust me now. I just feel like a bad partner if I can't do anything about it. I guess I have my own insecurities.

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