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~Sigh~ How can I work on my issues?


Rose21

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I don't know what it is, it has nothing to do with my boyfriend, but ever since I've been young I've always had bad jelousy and abandonment issues.

 

My dad and mom got a divorce when I was 2, and my stepdad who was more like a dad to me then anyone just walked out on my mom a year ago.

 

It's not just with men either, it's with friends and family etc. I seem to have the idea that everyone I love will eventually get tired of me and walk out on me. Even though there is no way that will happen and these people have proved this to me time and time again, I can't seem to get it.

 

My jelousy and worries have gotten MUCH better lately. They've gone from through to the roof, to just moderetly bad now. But I'd like to change that from rarely having it. Jelousy is part of human nature, but not to have it all the time.

 

I got really upset today when I was talking to my boyfriend. He said that this girl that one of his really good friends had gone out with was in his town visiting a friend at his school and wanted to see if he'd hang out with him.

 

I got all jelouse about it and my boyfriend got offended because he was curious for me to think what would happen.

 

He said she was an old friend that he had known for a long time, way longer then me (I know her aswell) And he had no attraction what so ever to her aswell as any other girl besides me.

 

He said he texted her back saying that he doesn't have any time to spare tonight and he's too busy, but maybe tomorrow he would see her.

 

He said it wouldn't be where it would be just he and her together alone. He wouldn't let that happen.

 

He said it would just be him meeting her on campus somewhere to say hi and catch up a little bit, because it's not like he's going to get the chance to see her again.

 

I got a little territorial and jelouse, but then one thing I do is I read between the lines. I was thinking it was just him and her.

 

But once I looked at it from my perspective; It's just at school. I forget that because his school is so big. I mean, I chat with guys on the halls or at lunch at school, there's nothing wrong with that.

 

I just couldn't put that into perspective at first and I got so worked up about that.

 

And he was hurt because even though I told him this was dealing with me, and its a women thing, he thought it has to do with me not trusting him. Which is not the case. He's very loyal.

 

What can I do to not get like this anymore?

 

Granted, I have come a VERY long way, I used to be over board. This is the first episode I've had of this in about 4 months. And it wasnt to the extreme which he was thankful for.

 

But I don't EVER want to be like this.

 

Advice?

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Hi Rose,

 

No sense in getting worked up, jealous, or insecure because my dear in the scheme of things we are only able to control our own destiny.

 

If your bf loves you and you know he is loyal then just don't worry yourself over it. Your whole existence and world does not revolve around your bf. You came into this world alone and will go out the same way.

 

I understand alot about life and the advice I give to you or anyone on here is in all honesty and alot from personal experience..I am wise beyond my years and understand about life very very well.

 

Always remember you are the star of your life and you can be anything you like. I know it's hurts to think that a person you love may leave you or do something to break your trust, but hon that does happen in life and there is nothing you can do about it. The only person you need to love, trust, and believe in is yourself!! You are your best friend in the world and when you know deep inside who you truly are then your insecurities will fade, and you will be so very calm and much more happy in your life.

 

Take care!

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I get jealous too. But not as much as I used too. I guess I've developed a way to TRY and talk myself out of being irrational. I got cross yesterday cos my boyfriend had taken a picture on his camera of a girl at work. But it was for their company website so I was being silly.

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We've been together for a year.

 

That's too long of a time to still be like this right?

 

The way I was like 6 months ago was FAAAR worse then how I am now.

 

I told him it's not that I don't trust him, (I do!) It's the girls. Girls can be sneaky! Seriously.

 

And he asked me if I thought I couldn't handle himself, and I said I knew he could, but the thought of another girl TRYING anything with my man just makes me sick.

 

Is that so wrong?

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Some women will remain this way FOREVER. (Or some men too).

I'm glad to see you see it's a problem and actually want to make an effort to change. If you didn't then there would be an even bigger problem and as you can see it began causing problems/disagreements/hurt with your bf.

 

Look, what would be so bad if he and her did hang out alone? He's a loyal guy right? Do you think they'd end up making out/having sex/developing attraction in one day hanging out? Your bf seems to be very honestwith you and respectfull of your feelings. He could have easily lied and gone out with her anyways. But he was honest and you got jealous.

 

Best way to handle it is to fight the urge to display jealousy and work on it on your own. Don't make your issue his issue I feel. Just tell him next time "ok babe, have fun". And say it like you mean it.

 

If my bf where to hang out one on one with a girl, I'd have a few questions too but I'd be ok with it if it was an old friend. If it makes him happy to catch up with an old friend (and that's all) then i'm happy too.

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Yeah true, but he said he wouldn't let it so he and her wont be one on one.

 

Not because it bothers me, but because it's HIS preference.

 

 

He said he'll just go to some common place on campus and catch up.

 

He says she was like a little sister in a way to him. She went out with his very close friend for nearly 3 years. They JUST broke up.

 

Her ex sometimes gives me rides home from school.

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Yea so it's kind of the same. He hangs out with his friends ex once. And you hang out with hers during rides home.

 

CHances are she is trying to catch up with him to talk about the break up. Or something similar. Or she could just be a bit lonely and adjusting to being single after 3 yrs with him.

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I don't buy into the thought "It's not that I don't trust him, I just don't trust others". I think if you don't trust others, you're still saying you don't trust him too. Even if the girls do make a move on your boyfriend, you say you trust him, so you'd trust that he woudlnt' give into whatever move some girl makes. So if you really do trust him as you say you do, you wouldn't be bothered by other girls at all b/c you'd know that even if they did make a move, it'd still not be an issue for your boyfriend to tell them no.

 

I think you really need to re-examine if you do trust your boyfriend.

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Well they were friends for awhile, and although she lives in my home town when my boyfriend comes down to visit he only visits me and his family.

 

Not old friends. when he's here, it's me and his family.

 

She just happened to be in lubbock visiting an old friend and she knew he went to school there.

 

She wanted to hang out last night, but he told her that he was too busy and didn't have any time to spare.

 

He has his initiation with his fraternity today, and he says after it's done and his parents leave, if she's still there he'll say hi to her.

 

I just hope she doesn't think that because she's single she can get with him.

 

He says he;s told her about me multiple occasions.

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Of course I trust him.

 

He's never given me a reason NOT to trust him. And he loves me, and I know that cheating is simply something he isn't capapble of.

 

I just seem to be in this mindset that my friends, family, him, just a matter of time they will move on and betray me.

 

Abandonment.

 

It's something that I'm trying to get over.

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So your acutally glad that they didnt get to meet up.....? Even if they did meet up youd still been jealous for nothing! ..like he said she was like a sister to him, I think its unfair for you to be mad about it or suspect shes trying to hit on ur bf when they meet.. Sometimes ppl just know eachother from there past and want to catch up see how the other is doing.. You seem to be very insecure!

 

And dont think that all girls who talk with ur bf are flirting with him or want him! Thats very vain to think that all girls who meet him will be attracted to him cuz he is what, so dropdeap gergous??! hehe.. Right!

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Well, I called her ex to see if he could hook me up with a ride (my boyfriend's friend)

 

And I told him that she tried to ask my boyfriend to say hi.

 

And he said he gurantees it wasnt to just "talk", he said I wouldn't trust her with an inch of my life.

 

He says ever since they broke up she's been doing drugs and other crazy things she's never done before, so he wouldn't put it past her that she would have tried something with my boyfriend.

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Rose, if your going to the trouble to speak to her ex about her, why not just ask her directly?? Better get it from the horses mouth rather than a second party who is obviously going to exaggerate the truth.

 

Sorry to say that unfortunately you are not going to be able to watch every single move your bf makes and seems to me you are a very insecure person or you wouldn't be worrying over this girl...trust me your bf through his lifetime will see alot of girls at work, school, stores, and just life in general...so what are you going to do? worry about every girl on the planet coming in contact with him...god your going to worry yourself to death.

 

Your on here wanting advice, but when people are telling you their opinion you get defensive...why write anything if you don't want to hear what others have to say?

 

smile in your pics...you look way to serious...lighten up and breathe...honestly your way to emotional and tense.

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Well I rather not talk to her and ask her these things and then have it get back to my boyfriend.

 

That's stupid.

 

I know of her, but Ive never spoken directly to her.

 

What do you think that your bf's friend won't tell her or your bf about your conversation??

 

Now that's stupid

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Well, I called her ex to see if he could hook me up with a ride (my boyfriend's friend)

 

And I told him that she tried to ask my boyfriend to say hi.

 

And he said he gurantees it wasnt to just "talk", he said I wouldn't trust her with an inch of my life.

 

He says ever since they broke up she's been doing drugs and other crazy things she's never done before, so he wouldn't put it past her that she would have tried something with my boyfriend.

 

You were so jealous over this you went to her EX to tell him she wanted to say hi to your b/f?

 

Rose, you say you trust your b/f but your posts say otherwise. I can't believe you called her ex to 'hook you up' for a ride when you flipped out on your b/f for wanting to say hello to her. You know you only called him because you were hoping to get some kind of scoop or dirt.

 

That is pretty hypocritical and it was petty. If what you have been telling us is true your b/f has never done anything for you to go behind the scenes and do this. He has more reason to be mad at you then you at him, IMO. The only way to get over these irrational thoughts is to force them out of your head. You can't nurture and coddle the thoughts and expect they will go away.

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Lol no.

 

Her ex, my boyfriend's friend, would take me home from school sometimes since he has the same last class and lives in the same area, I would give him $5 for gas money Conveinent right?

 

Recently, he told me that he couldn't anymore because of his work and he said he would try to find someone who could take me. I called to ask him about THAT. But the other thing came up aswell.

 

I have a habit of not being able to keep things to myself much, no matter what it is.

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