Is swallowing your pride always the best idea??

[oneandonlydebbie]

this member no longer exists

[Olivia]

Well really, what have you got to lose? Especially if you think he loves you too. But if you don´t want to expose yourself to a possible rejection you could make a move without pouring your heart out all at once. See how it feels being with him again. And if he doesn´t love you back, it might be good to know so you could try to forget him and move on, or accept that you´re just friends.

Nevertheless, don´t forget that sometimes it´s easy to think you still love someone you were involved with, especially if you feel lonely.

Good luck!

Olivia

[killer_bimbo]

I think your best bet is to take things slowly. How about arranging a meeting just to go out for lunch and a chat or something? You could try to take control of the situation, maybe try to steer the conversation gently towards reminiscing about things you two used to do, and try to read his body language and if he has the same look in his eyes as he used to. Try to gently prod him into saying how he feels about things, to see if he thought splitting up was a good idea, whether he's happy now, that kind of thing. I think the trick is to find out how he feels about you and what you used to have without making it too obvious that your doing it because you want to get back together. How long has it been since you split up, and who decided to split? The reason for splitting up is also important to whether it's actually worth getting back together. As you've stayed friends, I'm guessing the split was reasonably friendly, so that won't get in the way. If you split because of general incompatabilities between the two of you, unless either of you have changed, then the same problems in the relationship will crop up, but if you broke up for other reasons than things not really working out between you two, fear of commitment, that kind of thing, I think there's every chance, if you both feel it was a good relationship beforehand and both have similar feelings for each other, that it could work out again.

 

So yes, first find out if it's worth trying again, then try to gently get him to tell you what feelings he has for you, then as he opens up to you, you can tell him your feelings if you feel things are going well

[harpua]

tough call on that one...my ex and I stopped speaking about a month ago but tried to remain friends up until that point...about 2 weeks after we broke up...I did just that and swallowed my pride, laid everything out on the line, and now we don't even talk because of that..she actually told me she was still in love with me, and in the end continued dating a guy she had been out with a few times...I guess if you think you can handle the fact that if he rejects your feelings that you probably won't be friends for a good while, go for it, and if you're still not sure definitely wait for him to make the first move...my ex just called at 2am on Thursday from her boyfriends house...not exactly stable behavior...so it may just be regret right now on your ex's part...it happens...so I guess I'm saying definitely let him come to you...if it was real and a good thing...it'll work out in the end.

[bleeder]

Hi,

 

When I encounter friends who pose this question similar to yours, I would always ask them this : what caused the split in the first place?

 

If the reasons for breaking up are still inherent, then you really should think twice about patching up. Why? Because you might be giving in to your heart now, but further on down the road, your head would start telling you to wake up and smell the coffee. There are some hard facts in life that we just can't change.

 

Of course, if you are certain that the cause for the breakup is NO LONGER an issue. Then by all means, bring it on! Good luck.

[sisterlynch]

When we break up with someone are we required to hate, and never to love that person in the future? Don't we sometimes mis perceive our feelings in times of stress?

 

Couldn't you love him even if he continued on his way? My feeling is that once we love another person, we can't go back to normal. You could move forward and never see him again, but if he is still in your life, for example the father of your child, something inside you will always love him.

 

That is why I don't really feel like divorce is an option in many cases, those problems can be resolved. In this society where we "play house" instead of forming committed partnerships, we are bluring the lines of love, like and trust so much so that people cannot trust their own inner feelings--"I must be wrong or I will never trust" are feelings of paranoia.

 

We must as a country of individuals expect that we'll be mistaken occasionally and if you really love someone form a long-lasting partnership. I really feel that this can be done at any age.

[Diggy51607306449]

Well everyone as had good advise, but heres one more that worked for me. My ex from 8 years ago and I were working a temp job, I still really liked her, and had heard rumors that she felt the same way. I droped hints that I still liked her and let her make the move as to pick up the bait or not, she did and now we're back together. Might not work for everyone, but it worked for me. Just thought I might add this in