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First date so-so. So?


Tom the fool

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I had a brief coffee date today with a very nice woman I hadn't really met before. It was pleasant enough.

 

This amounts to a big step for me, so I'm looking for advice on how to proceed.

 

In a sense, there wasn't a whole lot of chemistry. We talked for a couple hours and never quite got to the point where we were responding to each other with the kind of spontaneity that I was hoping for. We finished with a hug and something of a "be in contact" finish. It all sounds to me like the date was no more and no less than, as I said, pleasant enough. It didn't appear that she was giving me anything like positive signals.

 

I'll give her a call tomorrow and thank her for her company. Given that the first date didn't propel us into the second, in any kind of natural way, should I consider this the end of the line for that particular lady? Keep in mind that I have virtually NO dating experience, which means that the reliability of my instincts has not been tested. I'm not sure how much weight to put on this first date.

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Do others concur?

 

What sort of time frame meets dating protocol? We're talking about a girl who works average hours, as far as I can tell. Something more active …

 

To be more clear. What did you learn about her? What are her hobbies? Do you have similar interest? Maybe work a date around that. As far as calling goes... I don't follow rules for the most part. Maybe give it a day and call Monday.

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This wasn't really a date, since you hadn't met before. It was a meet-up. So try asking her out on a date and see how it goes. Try to pick something that you would both enjoy and that would allow the spontaneity to come out more.

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I thank you for your comments. After sleeping on it, I've pretty much decided that there were just too many opportunities in the conversation where it *should* have taken off, or where she *should* have given some sort of signal that she was interested, even if only a small one. I've left her a message of thanks for the company.

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Hey Tom first I want to give you a big congrats =D> .

(Hope you don't mind that anyway because I remember being "congratulated" on finally asking a girl out even though she said no, and I really wasn't in the mood for even those positive comments. Not because she said no, but it's a reminder of how something so trivial in normal life was such a big drama deal for me).

 

If you're willing; how do you feel right now? I still remember the thread where it was just looking impossible to even see an opportunity, let alone a date, as usual like me.

Do you feel better having the experience? Was it really hard for you to from your p.o.v to concede it may not go anywhere? If you consider this one over, do you still feel like "the next date" will be just as hard to even get as it was before, or do you feel much more hopeful? Do you feel any more accepted or "validated"?

 

Obviously you don't have to answer everything, if anything at all, and yes I was rambling a bit here (because with a bit of a miracle I'll be in your shoes) so I apologise if you disagree with the way some of them were worded. You don't have to specifically go on each one either. I'm sure you know what I'm trying to get at overall

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I think the last time I had asked a girl out, it was probably February 2005. In a way, it was the first time I had asked anyone out on what would be a date in an unambiguous way. She was someone I had a crush on, who had (and has) a beautiful mind and was someone I knew I could talk to.

 

She turned me down. I felt elated for two reasons. First, it was the first time in while that I had had a crush & the feeling was pleasant enough that I didn't want to lose it. Second, it was clear that I had asked someone out on a date, no problem. Of course, the simple fact that I remained single overcame these good feelings, but I'm not sure I felt a real pain from the rejection itself.

 

This time, my feelings are more muted. I'm not especially confident that the events leading up to our date can be replicated. It was easy to concede that it wouldn't go anywhere. I don't feel any more accepted for validated.

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Thanks for sharing Tom.

 

What you said first with asking the girl out definitely rang a few bells for me. I can't say I was "elated" at doing it though, just more a surprised (that I really did go ahead and ask) and big relief. But same, soon after, I was back to nothing and obviously no more crush on her (at least a crush you slightly believed in)

 

Good luck in getting one, for both of us.

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