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I'm improving my life, but have a dilemma...


shy2cool

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During the past five years, I've had a very up and down social life and have had friends come and go along the way - due to career choices, differing directions in life etc. This has meant that I have not been out as much as I have wanted to. I've even felt rather 'lonely' a lot over that time. This is not 'omg I am single lonely', but true loneliness. I had always felt too 'shy' to change things, and didn't know where to turn.

 

My best friend, while being very similar to me one sense, isn't in others. I am someone that pushes myself and enjoys being out of my comfort zone. I am also very much into socialising, going out and actively doing new things. Whereas, he isn't. This is the case with a lot of my friends/regular acquaintances.

 

This year, instead of being reliant on when my existing friends actually do want to go out and party (rarely); I have taken the approach of trying new things to make new friends, and other people seeking the same things as myself. This includes taking part in all work related social activities.

 

So far, this has been rather successful and I'm not looking at stopping now. Heck, I'm even trying to get in touch with those that I haven't spoken to in a few years.

 

However, I have a bit of a dilemma. Do I let any new friends that I make know of the social lulls that I have been experiencing over the past five years? Besides not having the great social life, my life isn't bad at all. The thing is, I don't want to be seen as being reliant on a handful of people to socialise with. I know that making new friends when you're an adult and out of school is tough, but I can't dwell on what has happened in the past and my passive, wasteful approaches to getting the social life that I desire.

 

I don't really hide the fact that I'm looking to meet other young (20s) people that enjoy socialising and going out. Life is too short to be wasted sitting around pondering what could've been. I'm a fun person to be around, but I've let my shyness hide me away for far too long. I just want to have fun and enjoy my life!

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I think if you are worried about appearing to be needy, you probably will no matter what you say.

 

I would suggest just being outgoing everywhere you go, and look people in the eye, say hello etc. Just be all-around interested in people, and that will translate into new relationships and experiences. I think the social events at work are great, and you should go to those and have a great time. But again, I wouldn't worry about making new friends all the time, because I really think if that is your only motive and the only thing on your mind, you will have it written all over your face - and we both know that can be pretty unattractive to would-be friends.

 

So just go out and about, be yourself (or perhaps a slightly more extraverted version) and see what happens! Good luck!

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My best friend, while being very similar to me one sense, isn't in others. I am someone that pushes myself and enjoys being out of my comfort zone. I am also very much into socialising, going out and actively doing new things. Whereas, he isn't. This is the case with a lot of my friends/regular acquaintances.

 

That is one thing which is I find really annoying as well, not towards them though as such. A bit like you I've had that "snap" moment and now really wanting to try and go out more etc. but I have very few friends (people who I regularly did stuff with; and they just party too, no thanks). But the people who I do relate to well, true friends you could say, people with common interests, they are like me (the old me?) - they don't want to go out and do something.

 

However, I have a bit of a dilemma. Do I let any new friends that I make know of the social lulls that I have been experiencing over the past five years?

My thought on reading this is why? Does it matter? A bit like dating, why would want to say stuff like that if you aren't asked about it.

 

I know that making new friends when you're an adult and out of school is tough

Yup, I'm finding that hard going (as usual I have to say I'm not making that much effort in the end).

 

At least you seem to like partying which is very handy. But good stuff! Hope you have continued success! =D>

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However, I have a bit of a dilemma. Do I let any new friends that I make know of the social lulls that I have been experiencing over the past five years?

 

I don't really understand how this would even come up. Just enjoy your new friends and your new social life.

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I don't really understand how this would even come up. Just enjoy your new friends and your new social life.

 

Yeah, I know; but like when I start to lack the knowledge of some of the best nightspots, this impression may be prevalent. Whenever I did go out, I'd always end up going to the same places.

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I was fortunate to be in Darling Harbour last weekend and I can honestly say to you shy2cool if You have no one else get yourself down there.Up stairs is the video game/ten pin bowling centre ..Man I can highly recommend it to you guys looking for some single flirting action or even meet someone. You know that you need to be in the game to be in it!!!

Dont be afraid and dont hold back if something catches your eye well use them as well as a smile never hurts either.There were many miss lonelt hearts just waiting for you...

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I can relate to this. I think if you look needy, it will show. So the only way to play it is to act cool and calm at all times...or so I thought. I never became close to them Then if I act too enthusiastic, they back off too. It's hard.

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Yeah, I know; but like when I start to lack the knowledge of some of the best nightspots, this impression may be prevalent. Whenever I did go out, I'd always end up going to the same places.

 

So there's your answer if it comes up...

 

"you know, I got into a rut for awhile, and I just kept hanging out in the same old haunts. So where is this place? I can't wait to check it out!"

 

You're worrying far too much about this. If someone is surprised you haven't been to XYZ club, just say "I know! I don't know what I've been waiting for- Want to check it out tomorrow and show me around?"

 

I'm glad to see you want to stretch outside your comfort zones. That's great, so try to stretch outside the zone that tells you what others think is that important. Just be yourself. Be honest, but don't worry about volunteering too much information about yourself. You know, people find a bit of mystery interesting.....

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I had another lonely weekend. I kinda want to get it out there that I'm looking at meeting new people/friends to socialise with. I've thought about just being open about my situation with one of my work colleagues. She's probably the only person that I could feel comfortable in opening up to about this and not feel 'loserish'. Plus, she's someone that enjoys going out, so maybe she can offer some valuable advice to me.

 

Is this a good idea?

 

I don't want a repeat of this weekend as I know how demotivating and sour it makes me feel. Humans are social creatures, and I for one enjoy being around positive, happy people doing things that I enjoy.

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