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Friends with benefits, but benefits have become less frequent.


DieYoung

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I'm currently friends with an ex but we are still sleeping together. We spend time together hanging out just as good friends but neither one of us thinks it would work out if we got back together. Anyway, she suggested that since we are friends, but happen to be of opposite sex, we should continue having sex because we both have our "needs" so why not? We admitted that we are both the best sexual partners we've had, and so I agreed to do it.

 

However tonight we got in a small argument about how apparently I stress sex too much. She was telling me that her friend wanted to come with her on spring break to my town and that she'd be staying at my place with us, and that also we wouldn't be able to have sex during that time so as not to be rude (I have a small place). I was ok with that, and out of curiosity I asked if her friend knew that we were sexually active, and she got upset. "Why do you stress sex so much, you always do that!?" She said I put too much weight into it, while it doesn't bother her whether we have sex a lot or not. This is all well and good, however we only see each other once every two weeks for a weekend at a time, and I only expect to have sex at least once a day for the three days we have together. Also, I kept trying to think about how often I bring sex up in conversation and I honestly can't even remember the last time I did.

 

I understand that men and women get turned on differently. I give her a lot of affection without trying to get in her pants, I tell her sweet things about herself regularly, I've even cleaned her apartment and dishes on multiple occasions because she has class on Saturdays, leaving me at her place alone. I also make her laugh all the time, so it's not like we have a dull relationship or anything. In bed, I spend time with foreplay too, it's not like I just go straight for the main thing right away.

 

Right now we do have sex, but I'd say it's a little less than what I'd like. I'm at a loss on what to do. She hasn't showed a dramatic change in sexual appetite, but it just bothers me how she used to want me a lot before and now it seems like she doesn't want it that much anymore. Maybe it's just her and there's nothing I can do, but she told me she masturbated 5 times a few days ago because she was bored, so how can it be that she's not in the mood so much anymore? Am I missing something?

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i mean, if you two are 'sex buddies' i don't see why she is upset that you are stressing sex so much - i mean, isn't that the point??? if you two wanted to be in a relationship, you'd be together still.

 

maybe this FWB is almost over....

 

I agree with annie. Maybe she has more of a thing for you than just sex or maybe she feels insecure about having sex with you.

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i mean, if you two are 'sex buddies' i don't see why she is upset that you are stressing sex so much - i mean, isn't that the point??? if you two wanted to be in a relationship, you'd be together still.

 

maybe this FWB is almost over....

 

I know thats exactly what I was thinking. But I think we are more than just sex buddies because we really do enjoy spending time together as friends. We talk on the phone every day. I don't know, its weird. I suppose it's that we are friends and want to stay friends, but until we meet other people we decided to have sex in the meantime.

 

I agree with annie. Maybe she has more of a thing for you than just sex or maybe she feels insecure about having sex with you.

 

I don't think she has more of a thing for me, we just got done talking about that recently. She said she feels like when we have sex we are just "f*****g", and only once has it felt like something more. She also said she doesn't see me as more than a friend.

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hm - but how are you going to meet other people if you are always on the phone together and having sex together? what if you took that half hour or whatever it is you spend with her a day or on the phone with her, and instead went outside and tried to meet new girls?

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Seems to me that you need clarity as to what the nature of your relationship is, just because you agreed to have casual sex with an ex, doesn't mean you are guaranteed any type of regularity or a set quantity.

 

It sounds like you still treat her like a girlfriend, but she sees you only as a friend who she is having sex with at the moment. Her priority is the friendship, and sex is secondary.

 

IMHO, you should move on, find someone else to have sex with, because it doesn't seem like this situation will be satisfactory to you on any level...plus it sounds like you are still emotionally attached to her and act like a boyfriend to her, and she doesn't see you in that light at all..........

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