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Does getting back with your ex again usually work?


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Does getting back with your ex again work? If she was the one that decide to break up in the first place to see what's out there in terms of other guys.

 

If she realized how much she appreciated what you had to offer after being apart from you and being with other guys since. We were super compartible when we dated. Assuming this is not one of those rebound thingy for her but a genuine appreciation and desire to be back with who she NOW know is her soulmate.

 

Does it work a second time around? or a recipe for disaster? worth a shot? preceed with caution? doomed to fail?

 

I wish she had these realizations about me when we actually together and appreciate what I had to offer.

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Proceed with caution...at first. Unless she's outright said, "I know you are the right one for me", you don't know her motivations for coming back at first. Maybe her relationship with "the next guy" sputtered out and she just wants to be back in a relationship with someone familiar. I'm not saying that she's doing this, I just know that it does happen. You'll want to take things slow and see how she is now that she's back. If she truly wanted to come back, congratulations! Not a whole lot of exes do that.

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It sounds like you guys have the potential for it to work. I mean, if you were compatible before and maybe she just had a "grass is greener" episode and has recovered from that.

 

In my case, my ex was just too immature. I got back with him twice, and both times it failed because immaturity is not something that can be changed! At least, not w/out the passage of time, and I can't wait for him. I'm 41 and he's 24! By the time he matures enough to be relationship material, I might be in a wheelchair...

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It can work, however usually a couple needs to spend some significant time apart do really think about the relationship issues and to address their own issues. If you are jumping back in after a short time apart I would say the same issues that tore you apart in the first place will happen again.

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I would also add...you need to have an open and honest discussion about what didn't work before, too. You need to take an objective look at whether or not these things can be changed and worked on. Don't live in denial that something like horrible incompatibility can be worked on.

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Proceed with extreme caution! I have always felt that when you find your soulmate you just know it. And it does not take breaking up with you S.O., dating other people for a while, and then changing your mind and getting back with you S.O. to figure out that person is your soulmate. I would say give it a shot if you want to, but don't be surprised if she ends up hurting you again. Not to burst your bubble, but she may be coming back to you, not so much because she wants you back, but because she's not impressed with what else is out there and is growing sick of being single. Its like quitting a job your sick of in hopes of finding one that you like more, and then getting it back when you aren't able to find one. Hope this doesn't come off as too harsh.

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someone once told me that, ''love comes quietly...if you hear bells...get your hearing checked.''

 

when i think of soul mates...i think of two people who will end up together...regardless of the road they take. i think for some people this could mean a breakup. it could mean two breakups. it could mean disappearing from each other's lives for 25 years...finding each other...and being happy in love together even after all that. i think all love (if it's worthwhile) will face uniquely difficult obstacles. i don't think it's possible to put a limit on what these obstacles will be.

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it can work. Wait at least 6-8 months though for best chance. People who get back together soon often find that resentment or insecurity does the relationship in.

 

Thanks JohnGalt. That is what I need to hear. EXACTLY.

 

May I PM you at some point?

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Just found out she broke up with her boyfriend last wk (the guy after me). Sounds like she's in massive rebound mode. Wanted to start back with me -- where we left off at. I kept my distance since my instincts was telling me something was up.

 

So she was single for only a week. She hooked up with another guy this weekend -- officially "in a relationship". What a weirdo....

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Just found out she broke up with her boyfriend last wk (the guy after me). Sounds like she's in massive rebound mode. Wanted to start back with me -- where we left off at. I kept my distance since my instincts was telling me something was up.

 

So she was single for only a week. She hooked up with another guy this weekend -- officially "in a relationship". What a weirdo....

 

Stay away from this rebound, seems like she needs to sort out a lot of things in her head before she can be stable in a relationship. Not your job to fix her.

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i got back with my ex wife for the sake of our two children. never again, it lasted for a couple of months and i went back to my old ways, it was very selfish of me to go back and not make a go of it, i needed to grow up back then.

 

lesson learned.

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Unless she is up to solve the problems that caused it the first time around it has no chance.

 

do exes (dumpers) respond well to someone who shows progress in change...who shows a true willingness to come to terms with things?

i realize willingness can't be the only factor...i think obviously the problems that existed need to be considered. some problems just can't be overcome.

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In my case, my ex was just too immature. I got back with him twice, and both times it failed because immaturity is not something that can be changed! At least, not w/out the passage of time, and I can't wait for him. I'm 41 and he's 24!

 

Im sorry, but with the age differences, the only thing I can think about a guy that age is he is in the wanting a "cougar" stage.

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