Sincereactions Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 I been with this girl for 5 years, it's her first love, not mine.... her first kiss and everything.... I am 24 now.... 3 weeks ago, she asked me for a break up, seriously at that point of time i'm getting bored too... But i dunno why accept her request, then i started to regret but too late.... Her reason for da break up is i dun seems to care enuff abt her, i dun call or msg her much anymore.... Yea true i've been slacking.... But as always i only have her in my heart, most of da time i'll be concentrating on work and friends. We did broke up, i kinda very desperate,i started to call her and msg her more oftens. Then she get angry at me, why dun i do this when we're still together. yes i regret my actions. Now i've kinda trying to salvage everything. She juz told me that it seems like she dun love me as much as last time. She felt very lonely in this relationship. However she swear that there are no third party. Initially we dun contact much, kinda as usual, then i realise if i continue this way, we could never be back together. I love her the most. As i tried to be more frequent in giving her attentions she gets irritated at time, i asked why? Don she want to talk to me? She say she's scared that she would be deceived and accept me all over again which she is sick of her lonely sufferings. I realised my mistakes, but izzit abit too late? Nowadays we've been contacting everyday, almost all, i'm da one who innitiates, she is kinda conservative kinda girl. During the process of gg after her, never did she ever call or sms me. Now it seems like it happens that way again. During our relationship, she's da one who contact me most. I dun really contact her much when with her. i really regret my actions. What sld i do? NC? Won't it make our distance even further? Pester her? But today she requested not to contact her, which i dont, intend to contact her tmr as we will be meeting the day after tmr. I'm really lost rite now, i've already think hard what i sld do and how i would run this relationship if we're to be back together again. But i need a second chance to prove it..... She had always been a very hard headed person, so i'm really worried that once she said break up, she really mean it and won't ever pull back..... I love her very sincerely, juz that i've been neglecting her cos of my other commitments..... I really need this second chance.... As i could remember, during my first love, i never think of ending it, i dunno what made her do this? It's her first love, tot it always been sumting special? Why end it? I'm worried abt her.... And i love her much.... All advices are very much appreciated.... Thanks!!!! Link to comment
SighSob Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 I think it izz a lil bit 2 lat even tho u realized ur mistakes therez prolly a 3rd party involved im zry dude but if i were u id stikk to no contact if she evr changes her mind, she knows where 2 find u Link to comment
arwen Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Moderator note PLEASE write in normal English and refrain from net speak. This will increase the chance that people take the time to read the post. In addition, not all of us are native speakers of English and familiar with the abbreviated style of IM-style/netspeak writing. See forum rules. Link to comment
Sincereactions Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 Sorry for my english.... And thank you for the promp reply.... I just hope it is not too late, it's my fault..... But i did ask her many times, is there a third party? She keep denying it.... Sometimes even get angry as if i am not admitting my fault for this break up... I did admit, but i need a second chance.... I never abondon her, she's always been in my heart, many girls come by, but i always know that she is the only one for me.... Maybe i've been complacent, because i felt as if i would be with her for life.... I have never ever though this would happen, i felt betrayed at times as i felt she never kept her promise to be with each other for life... Been thru lots of things with her, been to lots of holidays with her.... She's my first woman i did so many things with.... It's my first serious relationship..... Link to comment
WindowTo Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Back off, a lot. Your constantly contacting her her has probably made her see you as desperate (as you admit yourself) and that is not an attractive quality. It appears that you sort of ignored her needs during the relationship, and by pestering her you are sort of ignoring her needs now and showing that you only care about your own needs. She needs space right now. If you can understand this, then respect her needs by listening to her request, and do yourself a favor and don't act so desperate because you are ruining your chances of starting another relationship with her. Good luck Link to comment
Sincereactions Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 I'm bearing that in mind, that's y today i never even tried to call or msg her.... Anyway it's her request not to call/msg her today.... She juz wanna enjoy the day with her girl friends.... I noe themz..... it is so hard to do it, but i'm doing it.... It's so hurting.... But most probably i would contact her tmr and to comfirm our meeting appointment the next day.... It would just be a simple lunch or dinner together... think i would just remain as friends with her as for now... Waiting for the rite moment, but it's hurting waiting for the suitable time... Link to comment
arwen Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 I agree with WindowTo. I think in addition, that it's best for your own peace of mind to create some distance between you and her. It seems to me that you got a bit dependent on her and that she has clearly stated that she needs space. Why are you meeting her? Link to comment
Sincereactions Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 Dunno, we juz agreed to meet..... But last night i did msg her that she dun have to meet me if she is not ready to see my new hairstyle.... Hahaz.... We're staying few blocks away from each other, when she goes out anywhere.... she has to pass by my house.... So even if we tries to hide, we would meet eventually.... but this meeting is concentrating on being friends, on the basis of we knew each other for very long time and felt comfortable to hang out and chat about our lifes.... Nutting too serious.... Link to comment
arwen Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Meeting by accident in the street is by far not the same as meeting intentionally and showing off a new haircut. I don't know, do you want to be just friends? Because by the looks of it, she really doesn't want more than that. Link to comment
Sincereactions Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 icicz..... So by the look of it, i sld juz continue to neglect her and let her be? Cos i've only started to really go after her back after an advice from a female friend that i sld make and effort to show her that she really means alot to me or she would juz continue to fade away from my life...... frankly i'm very confused rite now, which way sld i go? but of course, at the end of the day, i would like to be with her and promised myself to treat her better as she deserved so..... Link to comment
arwen Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 You could consider telling her that you want to get back together and that you just want her to know- and let it up to her what to do with that. I have the impression though that she needs more space, it seems to me that if she wanted you back she'd want to know if you're gonna be able to give her more space regularly. Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 I think it izz a lil bit 2 lat even tho u realized ur mistakes therez prolly a 3rd party involved im zry dude but if i were u id stikk to no contact if she evr changes her mind, she knows where 2 find u sighsob: I was on the floor rolling after reading this. LMAO. OP: I think you guys can get back together. Sit down and discuss getting back together and what can you do to make her happier this go around. Link to comment
Sincereactions Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 There's an update: We talked about our future and our differences: 1) She don't think i could change to be her ideal man 2) She's ready for marrige, most of her friends are married and marrying soon I'm not ready, i want to have a career first 3) She wants me to be as loving as i am during 1st year, kinda hard but i'll try.... But she think i can't do it..... 4) She want to own a house, i told her i had my plans, i want a better house, i'm waiting to save more so i could have a bigger house. 5) She wants me to save half of my salary, kinda hard with all da bills to pay for.... But it's workable.... 6) She wants me to plan our outings more detailed, not to be last minute thingy.... Can be done, but it could be hard, i have lots of other commitments.... not like our schooling days when i had lots of free time to junk around... 7) She wants me to learn a new langguage as her parents can't speak english, can be done but obviously takes sum time.... 8) She wants me to help her with her housework if i come by and stay at her house.... can be done, if we're to get back together...... 9) She wants me to be more proactive in planning for our future, she don't want to be 1 sided.... But as i said, i'm not ready to settle down... But could compromise.... I Love her.... 10) She thinks there is a better guy who could meet her requirements but don't know if she could ever able to forget me and love another person.... 11) I dunnoe either, i think on the outside i think obviously there are sum girls out there better than her too, appearance and temper.... But i can't seems to betray her or even try to like them more than juz a crush.... The bottomline is i think she's being too demanding.... we decided to remain as frens, maybe close frens.... I still talk to her and sing to her on phone before she went to sleep as we always did for da past 5 years..... Our contacts kinda normal, juz that we dun meet that often anymore and we dun make any physical contact anymore.... Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 There's two things here, sincerereactions. You've been with this girl for five years. Non of her requests seem unreasonable for such a long term relationship. She obviously wants to be more serious WITH YOU and she's giving you the first bite at the apple. But after 5 years, she knows exactly what she wants and is refusing to settle. She also knows you and doesn't think that you can give her what she wants. You've got to make some tough decisions. If I were you, I'd really take this seriously. I lost my girl after 5 1/2 years and never thought it would be this tough. I'd gladly do everything on that list except learn a new language. Marriage and Career are compatible btw, but you've got to decide whether you want to settle down or not. She isn't going to wait for your answer forever, but I think she's being reasonable after 5 years. Link to comment
Sincereactions Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 marriage and career is compatible but i wonder at 24 izzit too young to settle down? I would do all that frankly, not as if i was given a chance here, i dun want to be with any other girl.... She wants me to make some improvements, if she is convinced that i would really do it, she would go after me as she sayz.... seems funny.... gg after me? kekez... But as for now she says she can't see me changing for the better, but can't live without me.... So we decided to be juz friends at the moment, we still could be as close as what we are before, minus the physical contacts as we are single and nobody would get jealous and maybe she says few years later she would decide.... This sounds like a total joke to me.... I mean if she willing to gib me another chance, i would do my best.... If not i still had to be at the beck of her calls? But I love her much, i wished this could be our first and last serious relationship, it would be very sweet if it stays that way.... I dun really like the idea of changing partners... I am quite conservative here.... Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 i understand, man. You're a good guy. And not to be a bringer of bad news, but I'd be really careful since you guys decided to be friends - cause what it sounds like is, she doesn't think you can change, but doesn't want you out of her life...but at the same time thinks there may be someone who can do all the things she wants. So as her friend, you run the risk of her using you (you being there for her) while she's looking to replace you. Be very careful and don't think that she wouldn't do this just because you guys have been together for so long. Don't fall into this trap. When women's feelings start to change, they start to look out for #1 only. Good luck, though. More than anything, I hope you end up happy. Link to comment
Sincereactions Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 Thanks, but that's what i'm avoiding to be.... I did see some guys being treated like a spare tire by girls, holding onto da guy but do not want any form of commitments.... Kinda hate it.... But if she really went away with some other guys someday, i got nutting to say... I hope not.... But i'm not that eager to find replacement too.... Think i juz gotta let our fate decide this..... I come to this world not to find gf or get married.... But since i had fallen in love with her, something had to be done.... hahaz.... Link to comment
Sincereactions Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 But guess what, i've seen alot of women ended up with a guy opposite of what she demands her guy to be, that's y now i'm kinda skeptical of her.... Told her that she has changed, i'm very sad that i'm seeing this.... told her that if a new guy she's been with is worst than me, she would be battling with her own * * * * ... I won't be jumping in to be her superman.... Told her frankly, be truthful to her heart.... But sometimes people change.... I got this 2 fav quotes abt relationship.... 1) Man and women approach towards love is very different, man always think their women never change, women always think their men would change.... BOTH GONNA BE disappointED!!! 2) Behind every successful man, there is a "surprised" woman..... Link to comment
Sincereactions Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 After a phone call with her and she gone to sleep..... I juz drop her a handphone SMS: "Darling, i going to sleep, u know that u had been ultra special to me, but do not take me for granted k? Good nitezzz, see you tomorrow.... Dunno what will happens tomorrow, but guess i just want to spend a happy day with her, i hope that everything will goes well, would like to avoid too deep topics with her...... no point anyway i guess.... up to her..... But once if she decided to try to be with another man, all my doors for her would be completely shut and locked and deny any chances for her to return.... Link to comment
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