If you could rewind life…would you?

[Ideal]

If you were given the choice to go back to the time when you first met your ex, would you do everything the same and get into a relationship with your ex even though you know that it is going to end one day? In other words, would any of you undo your relationship if you could, or would you have rather have loved and lost and live with a broken heart?

 

And if you would have rather loved and lost, if you were given the chance to do things differently in your past relationship so that it wouldn’t have ended, would you? Or do you believe that the break up was meant to happen, and it’s an event in your life that you think was necessary?

 

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Sometimes I think that if I had known my ex was going to break up with me, I would have never dated him because a broken heart is far from pleasant. Other times I think that it was a good experience and it had to happen to me. I also think about how I would be a different person if we were still together today, and that frightens me a bit because I like the person I am today. However, sometimes I miss him so much, I feel that I would be a lot happier if he were still mine.

 

I’d really love to hear what you guys would do if you were given these choices.

[Puo]

Part of me wants to say no. If I hadn't gone through what I had with my ex, I would have never met my current gf. However, I guess that it all depends on the circumstances of the relationship. I think one day you just realize that some things end in order for other things to begin.

[rustyschackelf]

One of the things that I have heard time and time again that is counter-productive to healing from a breakup is to curse the day you met your ex and wish your relationship had never happened. You have to accept that your relationship was good for a while, then it turned bad, and now its over. It was a huge part of your life for however long it lasted, and is part of who you are going to become as a person. I have always thought that failed relationships are like "dry-runs" to the real thing, and that you get the opportunity to make mistakes and learn what does and doesn't work with those you will fail with, so that you will be better prepared when you meet the person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with. Although these are really cheesy cliches: "don't cry because its over, smile because it happened" and "its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" I believe they are true. Also congratulate yourself that you were willing to take the risk, knowing full well what could happen if it didn't work out, and that you are able to make a relationship work (at least for a while). Hope this is somewhat helpful.

[Radίaηce]

My mother always told me (and just so you know, my parents are divorced and it didn't end up so nicely), that if she could rewind time...she would do it all again. Every decision, every choice, wrong or right, every mistake...she would repeat AGAIN just because the person in her past created 4 magnificant children that resembled half of him and half of her.

[peace_lily]

If you were given the choice to go back to the time when you first met your ex, would you do everything the same and get into a relationship with your ex even though you know that it is going to end one day? YES

 

In other words, would any of you undo your relationship if you could?--NO--

 

Or would you have rather have loved and lost and live with a broken heart?--YES

 

And if you would have rather loved and lost, if you were given the chance to do things differently in your past relationship so that it wouldn’t have ended, would you?

 

I would do things differently to protect myself better, but I still believe that it would have ended.

 

Or do you believe that the break up was meant to happen, and it’s an event in your life that you think was necessary? YES

[jengh]

I wish I would have met one of my exes later in life. We dated all through highschool and into college...for 4.5 years. It was the wrong time in my life. Had I met him later, I know without a doubt he would've been the one.

[homeagain]

i would not go back and do anything differently with any of them. i wouldn't "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" erase them, either. i think the sum of my experiences, painful and awesome, have made me a better person. i've learned something about myself with each twist and turn... so no, even if it meant i would be in a different place, i wouldn't choose anything different with any ex.

 

if i could go back, i might do some things differently for myself. i would probably put myself first (or higher on my priority list) than i did. i would make some life choices differently. these are things i know now from experience though, so maybe those are lessons i need to have learned.

[o_hopeless_o]

i wouldnt rewind for anything. they are experiences that helped me grow and take on for the future even if i thought he was the "one." My first love experience taught me alot about love and so did my second one which is my most recent andstill recovering from. i have to say though i dont feel that he is a part of me. i mold myself into the person i want to be and is today. he has nothing to do with it. the experiences helped me, not them. but thats just me. my first love still tries to pursue me at times and is still the same, its a shame. lol. note he cheated on me once and tried to get with my cousin.

[HoopUK]

Of course not.

 

As much as it hurts, it only does so because it's in direct proportion to how much I enjoyed going out with her. Until the last 2 months or so, every day was a day spent in nirvana.

 

And the breakup has taught me so much.

[rapunzel]

I would have done some things differently. I know I can't go back and change the past but due to the circumstances of meeting my ex and my state of mind at the time I think I helped to sabotage the relationship in some ways. I know I can't blame myself entirely but I acted in some ways that I wish I could change and I feel somewhat haunted by these perceived mistakes.

 

Yet I'm only human and we all make mistakes. I know my mistakes were not horrible mean things, and that my ex does like me as a person, so it's not like I hurt or insulted him. But I have learned so much through the pain of this break up, about love relationships in general, that I am pretty positive I will not repeat these behaviors if I ever fall in love again.

[BrokenheartUK]

I wish I would have met one of my exes later in life. We dated all through highschool and into college...for 4.5 years. It was the wrong time in my life. Had I met him later, I know without a doubt he would've been the one.

 

I agree wholeheartedly with this. If I had met my ex a year or two after I did then I would have been more ready for the relationship and we'd still be together now, no doubt planning our wedding and future together. I've realised that we just aren't supposed to be together at this point in our lives and the breakup was unavoidable, as I am in a period of self-discovery and she is happy with who she is and what she wants out of life and a partner.

 

I have a feeling that this incompatibility will mean we can never be together and that makes me very sad, as I think of what could have been if we had only waited before getting together. But do I regret the relationship? No, I'd still do everything the same a second time around as it was amazing while it lasted and has taught me a few things:

 

1) That there is a girl out there who shares my interests and 'gets' me, which means that hopefully there is another for me to find one day

2) That I am a good enough person for someone else to fall in love with and want to stay with

3) That I am thankful for the times we shared and the memories I have now

4) That I am stronger than I ever thought I could be for making it this far through the breakup, which has become the darkest period of my entire life

5) That my family and friends will always be there for me

6) That I have loved, been loved and hopefully will be again some day, either by her or someone else

 

Sometimes life is a series of near misses and fleeting opportunities. But I do believe that everything happens for a reason, no matter how painful those reasons are at the time.

[SpaceGray]

why not call this thread "if you could pick your parents instead"? LOL

[hulk7280]

yes I def would have never got into a reletionship with her..

 

i hate feeling hurt and not 100 % myself and i know its just not going to go away..

 

it will take a long time for her not to cross my mind

[twiceinoneyear]

I had the time of my life with my ex, so yes, I would enter into a relationship with him again if I could turn back the clock. We loved each other fiercely but he was far too young (nearly 4 years younger than me). If I could change anything, I'd wish for us to have met a few years later in life.

[waveseer]

If I changed a past decision then I would affect my present. I like things exactly the way they are right now, so second guessing the past is too risky. Welcome the day and know that the future is wide open.

[quirky]

this is a tough one

On the one hand this is the first time I truly loved someone, thereforee it hurt like hell, thereforee it made me stronger=a good thing.

On the other hand I feel totally disillusioned, like nothing is special and that love is based on mathematical equasions related to biology.

Not depressed just disillusioned with the concept of love. I hope it passes cos it doesn't feel like me.

[meiling]

At the time my ex asked me out, I had a couple other guys who wanted to go out, too. I think I'd still pick him because we clicked the best.

 

In the relationship, I would definitely have been less insecure. I wouldn't have lived with him so I could have developed a new circle of friends, and then if he ignored me for a computer game I'd just go have fun without him.

 

And for the breakup if things still played out the same way, I would not have gone to talk with him that last day to find out if he'd cheated on me. My gut told me he did, I would have given him back his stuff and said, "You've made your choices, hope you're happy, have a nice life" and leave it there instead of getting the back-and-forth for months.

[rockthered]

I wish I met her when she was older. We both were very right for each other but she was still in "I like Bad Boys" stage and ran off with a loser. It can never be the same again even if she comes back to me.

[jennamajig]

I don't know if I could answer this question honestly yet. It's been nearly 5 months, but I think I need a little more time to pass.

 

That being said, I do think I would not have moved with my ex when I did. I've have waited.

[and again]

I wish i had met my ex before she was damaged by past relationships. And as it stands now i wish i had never met her, with all he false things she said. She is the only ex who has made me question my judgement of other people.

[canali]

that is wasted energy!

there is no value in living with ''if onlys''....

look forward instead and learn for the ''next time.''

[and again]

I wish i had met my ex before she was damaged by past relationships. And as it stands now i wish i had never met her, with all he false things she said. She is the only ex who has made me question my judgement of other people.

 

The only good thing i can take out of this is that i have no regrets what so ever over how i treated my ex, even though it ended so messed up. If i had what if`s about this ex it would really hurt me.

[Fionnuala]

I would do it again, but I would do a lot of things differently. It may have still ended if I'd done things differently, but I wish I could go back and do it better anyway.

[WomanWriter]

I would have gotten serious about getting married sooner into the relationship. Instead of waiting for him to take his dear time finishing college, I would have urged him to work with me to make a specific timetable so we could move out and start our lives sooner. I think we waited wayy too long because everything had to be "perfect" (that's our personalities). If I would have been more persistent about moving out, getting a job, driving, etc. we might not have gotten stuck in a rut and his whole depression/find himself issue might not have existed.

[AutumnBorn]

Good God. I've got two beautiful, loving, intelligent children. I wouldn't undo anything. But if I could have my kids as they are now and undo it, you bet I would.