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5 Red Flags In Relationships
5 Red Flags In Relationships

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There is no guideline for these things, every situation is different.

 

I have never broken up with someone and then doubted if it was the right thing or not. The reasons why I broke up was because I realized that the other person isn't suited for me (or me not suited for them), no amount of time could have changed that.

 

But there was once a situation where I ran into an ex 10 years after I had broken up with him, total coincidence. In those 10 years we both had grown up a lot. I did consider dating him (which we didn't), but it would have been a completely different relationship, i wouldn't call that 'reconsidering'.

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There is no guideline for these things, every situation is different.

 

I have never broken up with someone and then doubted if it was the right thing or not. The reasons why I broke up was because I realized that the other person isn't suited for me (or me not suited for them), no amount of time could have changed that.

 

But there was once a situation where I ran into an ex 10 years after I had broken up with him, total coincidence. In those 10 years we both had grown up a lot. I did consider dating him (which we didn't), but it would have been a completely different relationship, i wouldn't call that 'reconsidering'.

 

Its a strange one for me (but yet again i suppose everyone says this). But we gt on well were well suited, she always said i was the best thing to ever happen to her, apart from her kids. But twice she paniced and wanted to be on her own, the 1st time she said she now knew her feelings, and had paniced because it felt to rght for the 1st time ever. And second time i just let her go when she said se wanted to be on her own again.

My problem now is wether to contact her, after 5 wks nc and see how she would feel about if we bump into eachother out every few weeks just see what happens between us. Or not say any thing and just seewhat happens with out mentioning it to her.

But run the risk of either her thinking that she has really pushed me away with her dear john letter. Or run the risk of pushing her away by breaking nc

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Sorry, but could you give a quick summary of what happened each time that she broke up and how things changed after you reconnected?

 

Yeah 1st time every thing was great never rowed or any thing, had only been together a few months, we had known eachother ten yrs before and always said what if we were together, how good it could be, but we were always with diffrent people. She osted a letter through door saying i know this is going to be a shock to you but i meant everything i ever said, all deep good stuff, but i cant dealwith living togeter etc her idea. love you take care always its over sorry. I contacted her saying whats happened to you. She said i should really of called it a break. A few weeks later we got back together, her saying sorry i will never hurt u again, i now know what iwant and will never change.

Things were then great, really good had a great xmas etc, met eachothers familys etc, she told her kids i would be living there by next xmas. We had one great day her kids meeting my parents all went great, me and ex went out for a drink, we had a very small disagrement, very small, she said she couldnt be doing with all the crap of a relationship. I was very hurt. i had a go about her drinking half bottle of vodka a night.

I then left and over the next 3 days i tried to sort out the argument. She wouldnt have it. so went nc for a week.

Then she found out she was preg, we got back things were ok, but she lost it the week after. She then said she could not deal with seeing me and was very down. So i gave her space and said as soon as you want to do something just say whatever ad we will do it. we kept lc for 10 days she seemed a bit insecure in that time to and down.

Then posted me a dear john again, saying, how she wanted to be on her own forever and would not regret it in 12 mnth or two yrs down the line. I txtd her back saying thanks atleast i know where i stand for once.

Since then 5 weeks nc, only thing i know is her sis said to me that my ex knew she had messed up but still wanted to just be on her own with kids. Sorry not to brief.

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So after the first reconciliation she never actually could fully explain why she had broken up with you in the first place.

 

IF you break up with someone and then want to get back together with that person, you both have to work very hard on being honest with each other what were the true reasons for the break up and how to avoid getting back into the same situation as before. You also have to sit down and see what other problems there had been in the relationship.

 

With every break up the threshold to keep going with the relationship becomes lower and lower.

 

So do you have any idea why she really left the first time?

 

Is there something she is struggling with that she has not been able to fully share with you at the time. Is there a possibility of depression, commitment phobie or anything else?

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penelope, yeah the reason the 1st time was that she panicked about what she had said she wanted , ie kids living together etc, then she came back and said that she had realised she had paniced and still wanted all those things.

It took me a bit to trust her but as she was saying that she was so sorry for running etc i was ok with it. But she never knew in that time i was warey.

She has got issues ie depression etc, she said to me a couple of times the two wks before we split, how i could love her as she was missrable etc i also know she worries over every little thing, and is not full of confidence.

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