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i think my partner cheated on me on valentines day


netty
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this ...
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this First

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it was my fathers birthday on the 12th feb so me and my daughter travelled 250 miles to visit him. this meant me and my partner did not celebrate valentines day together. on the 14th my partners phone was turned of all evening and there was no answer at home. he later txt me after midnight saying i could call if i was still up. he told me the home phone was knocked off the hook.

 

i didnt think anything untoward until i returned home the following weekend. and realised he had been accessing our msn and talking to one of our mutual friends. ok i thought , fair enough. but there were a number of little thinks that were different. two glasses on the table, the clean bedlinen was stained, i found a condom wrapper and and empty "golden root" aphrodisiac wrapper and found loads of unused condoms on the bedroom floor. (we dont use them) i panicked and went around the house in a rage looking for more "evidence" i know its low but i even went through his phone. his messages were all wiped but his record showed he had been txting lydia our friend on valentines day and another woman i dont know called lulu.

 

 

we have been together 2 years in a log distance relationship and i trusted him all that time and since i made a big step and moved in with him6 weeks ago i feel paranoid, guilty for snooping and bad for not trusting.

 

should i mention i found the condoms or is it all in my head

 

why cant i trust him now we are finally together like we wanted to be. i have asked him if he has been seeing anyone and he says he wouldn't have asked me to move in if he wanted to see other people.

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You have to confront him on this. It definitely sounds like he may have cheated on you (in fact, more than "sounds" like it if you found a USED condom). He really did a poor job cleaning up after himself...I wonder if he wanted you to find out?

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I'm sorry, it doesn't sound good...

 

You might want to wait a little longer and see if you can gather more evidence. Perhaps tell him you're going somewhere on a particular evening, then have someone watch him to see if Lydia or someone else shows up.

 

I wouldn't confront him until you are really sure you have sufficient evidence, and already have a plan for what you want to do. People who cheat usually lie when confronted, and become more sneaky about it to avoid getting caught. So it is best to try to gather evidence before he knows you are onto him, becuase he will be less cautious to cover up.

 

It does sound like if he is cheating he is blatant about it. Perhaps he feels guilty about asking you to move, and hopes you do the dirty work and be the one to throw him out or storm out rather than him having to do it. Some people will just behave really badly to precipitate a breakup becuase they don't have the guts to do it themselves.

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i changed the bed when i got back, i didnt assume anything weird until i did the laundry yesterday but i have left all the packets of condoms where they were - i only found them under clothes yesterday

 

he is due back from london, where he is working, late tonight

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Thing about leaving the condoms around is he may then accuse you of cheating on him. Why cheaters are so dumb as to try this tactic is beyond me, but I had a friend in college who had a similar tactic used against him. She was just trying to further enrage him hoping he would hit her so she could get him jailed and come off as the victim.

 

I know I should not be amazed at how stupid/evil people can be toward their significant others, considering all the stuff I hear about leading up to breakups/divorces, but it still throws me for a loop every time I hear of something along these lines...

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Unfortunately, I agree with everyone else. It does sound like he's being unfaithful, but what bothers me is why he left all the evidence around.

 

I mean, if you saw the stains on the sheets, I'm sure he would've seen them too had me made an effort to clean up.

 

Was he mad at you for not being able to spend V-day with him? Maybe this was his stupid way of giving you a "wake-up call". He may want you to feel insecure so it'll be more about him.

 

Otherwise, I can't think of why the hell he would leave condoms laying around & stained bedsheets.

 

& why erase the messages out of his phone? I think you should have a talk with that "mutual friend" of yours. If my friend was out of town, I wouldn't be talking to her boyfriend on Valentine's Day, that's for sure.

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