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Is it normal to miss your ex so much but then also hate them for leaving you?


michiru

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I really miss my exbf a lot.. in fact, just saying the word ex leaves a bad taste in my mouth. But at the same time, I'm mad at him for leaving me and letting me feel this way when he's supposed to care about me a lot.

 

He told me: "I'll be surprised if I don't come back to you. I know I'm taking a big risk right now because you might find someone else but I really need to do this."

 

So why??? I do understand but some part of me does not.

 

This was my original thread: [thread]273915[/thread]

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I really miss my exbf a lot.. in fact, just saying the word ex leaves a bad taste in my mouth. But at the same time, I'm mad at him for leaving me and letting me feel this way when he's supposed to care about me a lot.

 

He told me: "I'll be surprised if I don't come back to you. I know I'm taking a big risk right now because you might find someone else but I really need to do this."

 

So why??? I do understand but some part of me does not.

 

This was my original thread: [thread]273915[/thread]

 

well, my ex bf told me for months of still being friends after the break up (staying friends hurt like hell though), things like "most probably I will get back with you", "you are the love of my life, I'm just not ready", "it's starting to feel more and more wrong to not be together", "I regret leaving you, but I'm too scared to be in a dand fear... I am so afraid he was being manipulative, but he told me he wasn't a "manipulator"... thought I am terrified to be controlled and manipulated because my father did this to me all through my childhood and practically destroyed my ability to have intimacy and to trust myself and other people...

 

so... al that my ex said... does it mean he will most likely come back? I don't think so... I think he is fearful and confused... he is somewhat secretive about his thoughts and feelings so I really wonder what he is thinking and feeling.... anyway he doesn't call me anymore, I'm always the one breaking NC... when people are fearful they sometimes say things that are not meant to hurt you but they do anyway.

 

other part... yes I am angry at him for leaving me.... and at the same time I love him deeply and I miss him terribly and want to spend time with him, hug him, talk to him,... he is also angry at me cause I have big trust and control issues and treated him badly to prove to myself he would leave me (I'm scared of abandonement and scared to be abused and controlled, so I provoke rejection and attack before I get attacked... I'm in therapy right now)...I still want the best for him and I acknowledge that my behavior was in no way his fault and I have told him that and apologized from the bottom of my heart. If he came back today, as a bf, I wouldn't trust myslef not to go back to my old ways, but I trust muyself more today than I did one month ago... I hope I am getting better, but it's still not good enough for me. anyway we are all entitled to our feelings.... they don't justify actions but can help explain them to a degree... you have the right to be angry and to love him at the same time.

 

take care, I trully hope you find peace and happiness.

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Yes, it's completely normal to be like this, especially if you're young and new to relationships. It sometimes takes time to get things figured out in life, and relationships is no exception.

 

It helps to have someone to talk to. I guess posting your frustrations on the internet can help with the grieving process because it allows you to vent and gain insight into things, but there to me, there really is no substitute for actually having someone in front of you to speak with. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with you, but to help you out that much more, I would encourage you to find someone like this, but who is also a counseling (and not just some friend or relative). It makes the healing process much faster.

 

Sorry to hear about your pain, but it gets better. Just keep fighting.

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