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meteorstrike

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Hello eNotAloners,

 

It has recently came to my attention that I might be a tad picky when it comes to dating. Once a full moon I'll see a girl I like and want to be with but it always ends up badly and I stay single for a while.

 

I do find a lot of women attractive and I chat up almost everyone I see. But the thing is I just don't have that urge to ask them out. That sweet butterfly feeling when you want to pop the question or countless nights thinking about that one special person. The one you think you're falling madly in love with and picturing your relationship 10 years down the road...but really it's all in your head.

 

I'm tired of being single though. Should I just ask out everyone I find nice or attractive?

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There is nothing wrong with being selective. Some people prefer quantity over quality while others are looking for quality over quantity..nothing wrong with that. What concerns me however, is that you chat up women and then do nothing about it..so are you really that selective or are you afraid of committing to a relationship so you only go as far as flirting and leading someone on and then you back away?

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I've seen guys go from one girl to the next...and also watching them get turned down. I don't suggest this an an approach saying, "hmm...maybe i'll approach all, and one will say yes." That's kind of weird. Being selective is a good thing, but being picky is NOT. There IS a difference. The difference is hard to explain with words, and will most likely if i try, i'll end up distorting the answer. Don't settle for less than what you want and deserve, but DON'T forget that attraction is not everything. You'll be surprised how the average person can actually turn out to be the most gorgeous person (in your eyes), once you actually get to know them.

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I always feel the same way. I have been single for 3 years now, and dated a little, but never any spark, and very rarely had any second dates. I figure I must be pretty picky if after 3 years not even one guy interested me slightly. I even tried online dating for a while but there was just nothing.

 

I have thought about trying to be less picky a few times, but just couldn't do it. Would it really be fair to the guy if I settled? It's nothing personal to the guys that I dated, there just wasn't anything there. All I can really say is just be patient and enjoy being single while you have it. I'm not sure if I really believe in meeting the right person, but I hope you do meet someone someday who will make you happy, and please don't ever settle.

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It sounds to me like all of you who said you have never had that spark are a classic case of needing friendship first. Some people do claim love at first sight like in the movies but honestly? you don't know those people. In my case, not until I get to know somebody do I develop anything more than just basic attraction or maybe serious lust.

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It sounds to me like all of you who said you have never had that spark are a classic case of needing friendship first. Some people do claim love at first sight like in the movies but honestly? you don't know those people. In my case, not until I get to know somebody do I develop anything more than just basic attraction or maybe serious lust.

 

I believe in being friends first, problem is that all the guys I've met have wanted to be in the "dating" stage right away. I'm not going to date a guy if there's no interest. I tried being friends with one guy I went on a date with, but he was too into me, and I had to end it so he didn't end up getting in hurt in the long run. I guess for some of us, it just takes longer to have those feelings.

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I always feel the same way. I have been single for 3 years now, and dated a little, but never any spark, and very rarely had any second dates. I figure I must be pretty picky if after 3 years not even one guy interested me slightly. I even tried online dating for a while but there was just nothing.

 

I have thought about trying to be less picky a few times, but just couldn't do it. Would it really be fair to the guy if I settled? It's nothing personal to the guys that I dated, there just wasn't anything there. All I can really say is just be patient and enjoy being single while you have it. I'm not sure if I really believe in meeting the right person, but I hope you do meet someone someday who will make you happy, and please don't ever settle.

 

That's a nice word to describe my situation. "spark." My last date was so nice and sweet but there wasn't any chemistry at all. It was so dull.

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I believe in being friends first, problem is that all the guys I've met have wanted to be in the "dating" stage right away. I'm not going to date a guy if there's no interest. I tried being friends with one guy I went on a date with, but he was too into me, and I had to end it so he didn't end up getting in hurt in the long run. I guess for some of us, it just takes longer to have those feelings.

 

I have had similar situations where the guy is just much more into you at first. But, I think as long as you open to them about your feelings, they should understand that it will take time if a relationship is going to develop. For anything after that, they are grown men and should understand that every relationship will not work out without being immensely pained over it.

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That's a nice word to describe my situation. "spark." My last date was so nice and sweet but there wasn't any chemistry at all. It was so dull.

 

Yeah it's hard when they are so nice but there's nothing there, but of course we can't date people just based off of the fact that they're nice.

 

I have had similar situations where the guy is just much more into you at first. But, I think as long as you open to them about your feelings, they should understand that it will take time if a relationship is going to develop. For anything after that, they are grown men and should understand that every relationship will not work out without being immensely pained over it.

 

Even though I've never experienced an immediate spark, I still think that you should atleast know after a date or two if there's even a possibility with a guy. Sometimes I can tell within the first date that me and that guy will not be good together and won't even bother wasting anymore of his time. It took me two months to fall for my ex, but I always knew from the beginning that there was the possibility. If I know there's no possiblity from the start, I'm not going to waste his time and hurt him by stringing him along with the disguise of friendship. I know women who will hold onto a guy as a friend who they have no feelings for, just to have a backup, and I personally think it's incredibly selfish. Of course I'm not saying that's what you do, but I if I know there's no possiblity then I will not be the guy's friend, there's no point.

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To me it sounds more like you are just scared to ask girls out, not that you are really that picky. Yes ask out every girl who you find attractive and see where it goes from there. You can only gain so much information about a girl the first time you meet her so give it a shot and ask her out.

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I believe in being friends first, problem is that all the guys I've met have wanted to be in the "dating" stage right away. I'm not going to date a guy if there's no interest. I tried being friends with one guy I went on a date with, but he was too into me, and I had to end it so he didn't end up getting in hurt in the long run. I guess for some of us, it just takes longer to have those feelings.

 

 

I think this happens with the guys because most people (men and women) these days believe in making out and having sex long before they figure out if there is enough commonality and interest to forge a real relationship. When the masses work that way then they are not interested in slowing things down and developing a friendship first because they are afraid of "being friendzoned"...so they figure the only way not to be frienzoned is to stick their tongue down someone's throat by date 2.

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I wish I could just ask everyone. I'm sure most if not all the never-dated people who would appreciate the "one will say yes" eventually pay-off as worth it.

 

But nah, just too out-of-place/creepy for me.

 

I think it becomes creepy when it is obvious you are just trying to "get some." Or, here is an example of what not to do:

There was a guy who was interested in me for some time and had a history of asking out anyone with two X chromosomes. One night we were talking, and my roomie came in and he started bluntly hitting on her (after just flirting with me). He then asked me if he should ask her out.. aand he had just met her. Then, he followed it up by asking me on a date.

 

If you start developing an attraction for somebody and you approach the date as a chance to get to know one another, I wouldn't find it to be creepy.

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I think it becomes creepy when it is obvious you are just trying to "get some." Or, here is an example of what not to do:

There was a guy who was interested in me for some time and had a history of asking out anyone with two X chromosomes. One night we were talking, and my roomie came in and he started bluntly hitting on her (after just flirting with me). He then asked me if he should ask her out.. aand he had just met her. Then, he followed it up by asking me on a date.

 

If you start developing an attraction for somebody and you approach the date as a chance to get to know one another, I wouldn't find it to be creepy.

 

so you were basically just upset he didn't JUST ask you out? did you show interest back? you said he was flirting. maybe that's why he went for another girl. THEN maybe you started showing interest out of jealousy or something.

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I don't care if a guy is only dating me. In fact, at this point I would prefer them to date multiple women. However, if you are planning on asking a woman out, you don't start hitting on their roommate or close friends and then turn around and pop the question. Also, the situation was a little bit more complex.

 

He had brought up the topic of modern physics and I became interested and said that I was currently reading a book on the topic and showed it to him. He suddenly became very angry stating that I was trying to assert my intelligence over his and that physics was the only thing he had left. I tried to explain over and over that this was not the case (just showing common interest). He kept being very aggressive and I became really uncomfortable to the point of tears. I told him he needed to leave and as he was leaving he said he had come over to ask me out and had the nerve to continue down that path. This guy was very awkward. Trust me.

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I think it becomes creepy when it is obvious you are just trying to "get some."

...

If you start developing an attraction for somebody and you approach the date as a chance to get to know one another, I wouldn't find it to be creepy.

 

Well I usually don't crush on someone if I've never talked to them; sure I'll think they're really cute or whatever but easier to dismiss. On that same token I just wouldn't be sure of asking someone out on the first conversation (unless it was really long which in itself is unlikely).

 

Now the pitfall here is that I'm not really settled anywhere, so I'm always out running and errand or a task rather than the usual things like groups/clubs/hobbies (I'm still trying to work on that!). So on that note, I am left with essentially the random approach. And as direct or indirect as that is, random approach imo will always be creepy unless the girl was looking interested, which is never (for me).

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