what is going on with my ex, i get calls everyday???

[beerock]

ever since I went to my ex's and we hung out 2 weeks ago on sunday night, all day and night monday. I get calls from her.

 

1st call (her), tuesday morning. A BS call asking if i took her keys then she asks if im OK.

 

2nd call ( I called) wed, I had called her to let her know I had a phone for her to use because her cell died. I tried calling 3-4 times with no answer I was like * * * here we go again!!!! So I just let it be, then around 11;30 I get a call from a number I dont know I pick up and its her. she said how she left her cell home and wanted to ask me if she needed her cell to change her phone since hers was dead. so its kinda of funny she let me know she left her phone home.I thought she wasnt picking up but she left her phone home. SO much for assuming. LOL

 

3rd call ( I called) thurs, didnt get an answer. then called her from my office no answer... then My secratary gets a call and its my ex. I pick up after the transfer and shes like hey, what do you want. I was like what the heck in my head. I had asked if she got her new phone yet and she was like no... then shes like ill call you later.. im like ok take care.

 

I figured she wouldnt call since she was kind of mean."what do you want and all"

 

4th call (her)thurs night, right when i sit down to work on a drawing she calls. She tells me shes at her therapist and asks me about this neuro therapy thing I've been doing, Holosync.. I give her the info and im like just call me later..... Figuring she wouldnt call...

 

5th call (her) thurs night, Then i get a call a hour later shes like HEY! I was like hey how was therapy, tell her how my day went and how i been trying to find a refurbished cell phone store for her. chat a little and then shes like do you want to go. I was like uh yea i wanna go. shes like ok im like ok take care talk to you soon.

 

NEtiher of us call from friday till tuesday

 

6th call tuesday around 1pm (her), she called 4 times, I didn't pick up 3 times and picked up on the 4th call, she asked about some email info and said how it was not working the password was wrong etc but its right, i know it is..... her brother was there and was like talk to him, he reneged I didnt ask to talk to him she just tried to hand him the phone. whatever. anyway. I was busy and told her i would call her back to help.

 

7th call( I call) tuesday around 4pm I called back later and got no answer I left a message saying I called back like i said i would..

 

8th call (her) tues afternoon. sitting on the train 2 hours later she called back. said, you called? I was like yea i was returning your call whats up? asked about the email info AGAIN!! I asked how her weekend was etc. told her I am going to dinner with someone and will be home later and call me if she wants me to help her with her email on her phone.

 

9th call (her) tues night. calls at 10 pm I didnt pick up. I know shes just going to want me help setup her blackberry, unless shes really just trying to give me a way to come by to help

 

10th call (her) tues night she called again at 11pm this time i picked up. funny thing is she was smoking a cig when she called me(nervous), she barely smokes so her smoking a cig while calling me tells me that she was trying to relax in case I didnt pick up. we talked for about a half hour or so about past stuff we did together and she was giggling etc. she had called me her nickname she gave to me etc. I had asked if she talked to her shrink about the holosync neuro therapys ive been doing. she said her shrink says its good and I asked if she wanted it and said YES. it felt good to talk like that once again I knew not to keep on the phone to long so I told her I had to get up early said goodnight, no I love you's and hung up.

 

11th call (her) today, asks me about the email on her phone AGAIN asks what im doing etc... I tell her I had searched about it and there is an issue with setting up gmail email accounts with blackberries and things have to be configured to work. I told her I could do it but I have to have her cell phone etc and mentioned how I have the HOLOSYNC neurotherapy mp3's for her as well and that I can show her how to get music onto her ipod's etc. another words I would have to come over to configure and show her that stuff. Sort of hinting at it without saying it to her. she had said she would call later.

 

NO I did not just type all this I had copy and pasted it form a few threads just to give a list of calls etc. to give a synopsis of the call line..

 

 

 

this is the funny thing, this guy I know hooked up with one girl and wants nothing to do with her and told her. so anyway this girl calls him up and tells him how someone emailed her with almost the exact email as him at 2 am. she was trying to make up some BS just to talk to him. Im starting to think it's the same with my ex. anyway its been driving me nuts. I feel I have gained power in terms of not calling her and her calling me. except when applicable to call her. I know if i Just come out and say I need to come over to help you I will give all the power to her if she says NO. if she says yes well, the pwoer is given back to her a lil but still shows she had a reason for calling.

 

Heres my thinking, if she told me shes in love with another man and theres nothing between us then why would she be calling me? I mean we had a normal talk for the first time in 5 months last night for about a half hour...

Anyone have any thoughts on this? so confused.

[HeartGoesOn]

I would simply tell her not to contact you unless she is serious about getting back together.

 

Other than that, she's yanking your chain, why let her put you through this?

[Mia Hart]

I really don't do well with relationship games.

Is this someone you want back in your life?

[beerock]

I do want her back in my life. from what "get back your ex" says, Im in the renewed contact stage. Im supposedly suppose to be a friend to get my foot in the door. I have not called her that much though. She keeps calling me and I'm cool with it. It is hard for my ex to say what she really wants. I know this about her. She is a good person though and has trouble expressing herself with situations like this where she actuallyhas to put herself out there. and to be honest. I am not calling her too much so she may think I am not interested.

[Mia Hart]

I'm really not sure what "get back your ex" is since it's a pretty popular tag and honestly similar to my own. Having your foot in the door doesn't necessarily mean she wants to resume your relationship. She is comfortable with you that is obvious but after using you all up, may move on.

 

Some things to ask yourself....do you know what went wrong in the relationship? Is this something that can be fixed? If she is in love with another man, was there infidelity in the relationship? If so, infidelity is usually a symptom of a larger problem. Do you know what this is and is it fixable?

 

Did you two ever break contact over the last 5 months?

[beerock]

I'm really not sure what "get back your ex" is since it's a pretty popular tag and honestly similar to my own. Having your foot in the door doesn't necessarily mean she wants to resume your relationship. She is comfortable with you that is obvious but after using you all up, may move on.

 

Some things to ask yourself....do you know what went wrong in the relationship? Is this something that can be fixed? If she is in love with another man, was there infidelity in the relationship? If so, infidelity is usually a symptom of a larger problem. Do you know what this is and is it fixable?

 

Did you two ever break contact over the last 5 months?

 

yes I know what was wrong in our relationship and I have done a 180 with that. there was no infedelity in our relationship, however she may have thought I cheated on her. I never did though. I have had strict NC from her from dec 28th to febuary 15th, thats the day I went over her house. She had toldme that she called once on f3b 3rd and hung up. so she was on the verge of cracking. among other things she told me. It sounds like shes teseting me by telling me she loves soemone else to see if i will fight for her?

 

 

SO anyway, I called her last night and she picked up, but she said can I call you back. I figured she wouldnt call back, however she did. and we talked for about a half hour and I finally sucked it up and asked what day this weeekend she is free so we can work on this stuff. To my surprise she said yes and I am going over there on saturday around 12 noon....

 

any suggestions?

[gromalamaz]

What suggestions are you asking for? You are continuing to do this 'dance' with your ex (she calls you, you call her, etc.), rather than cutting all contact and working on your respective selves. If she's telling you that she's in love with another, married, man - how do you think that this equates to her making you 'fight' for her? It sounds dysfunctional to me, and she sounds like she is using you because you make yourself overly available to her. You really need to create space for the both of you (for her, especially, so that she can decide whether she loves you or the other man). This means ignoring her calls, not helping her with cell phone, email, etc. -- let her figure out how to do it herself. I wish you the best of luck.

[beerock]

Well one of the books I'm reading says I have to get my foot in the door as a friend etc then make her see what she's missing and move swiftly.

 

I have a feeling that she thinks we are gonna hang out all day and night I may just fix her stuff and leave not sure

[Mia Hart]

I hear what you are saying but I look at things from a different perspective...

A true relationship comes from a place of love and trust....not manipulation. Yes, there are some steps you can take to get back with your ex, however move too swiftly and you could end up right where you left off (only worse) with nothing resolved and with the both of you vying for power out of insecurity or the need for control.

So if you go on Saturday it would be best if you keep things light. Do what you have to to, and then leave.

If your love is true, there really is no rush....right? Everything happens in its own time.

[beerock]

Thanks mia, yes I know where true love comes from. My ex and I had it. We lost our way because of assumptions on her part and lack of stability and selfishness on my part. I know they say when you break up you blame yourself completely. For the most part it was me. She cared and showed live to the best of her ability. I truly loved her but it's just not all about that. It can be but when my lack of sensitivity and selfishness puts the person I love in a mood she would rather not be in. Well how can I blame her.

 

I am going over her house and I will be dressed as best as I can without looking overly dressed. I will know as soon as I go over there by the way she has dressed for the day if she still wants me.

 

I think leaving after I've done what I needed will not work with her. I could try it depending on how things go. I really don't want to play manipulative games but it seems I have to. I use to never play games and it got me nowhere fast. This is the biggest game in my life.

[Mia Hart]

Have you really decided what you want with this relationship? Are you still in love with her or do you think you are 'in love" based on what your understanding of love really is?

Love is open...and very spacious. It allows the other to be what they are without our control and expectation of what we feel they should be... The first step is to give up control. Can you really accept your ex the way she is?

After accepting others for the way they are, then we are able to choose whether or not they are right for us. Not based on what we want them to be..., but based on what you find suitable for yourself...which could mean another person who can also accept you....truly, for who YOU are... This is real love/freedom in a relationship.

This being said does not give us license to abuse others...it just means we love another enough to accept them as is....fancy clothes...or not.

You'll figure this out....we all do...

[beerock]

there is a lot of things i have not said about our relationship. the things she use to do for me on a regular basis and the things I did for her. However the things i did for her was not nearly as much as what I should have been doing because i was selfish. Funny thing the girlfriend i was with before i had done so much for and got little in return so I understand part of the reason for her saying I was selfish. other then not being stable which i had no control over(2 year start up company) I am now full time employed in nyc and have the option to buy my bosses company. My ex waited patiently for 3 years to see if i would get in gear and she just gave up. To her defense, 3 years is much longer then other women would wait to see if their man could be stable and support them.

 

I'm not sure what her take on all of the things that I have changed but i have a feeling that it is very good. My ex is the type of woman to cut off all contact and NEVER let somoene back in there life unless they have proved to have fixed the wrong. I did not change my life for her I changed it for ME. It was because of her that made me realize a lot of things and That makes me see how much she really did care. she cared enough to let me go because she knew if we kept it up it would only get worse with the mindset I had. Funny how break ups with a person you love can make you realize things. If the break up was with someone you didnt care about you would go on the same exact way until you finally realized it yourself etc. In reality I did realize it my self. its just a shame that it had to happen this way. It was the only way I would have realized it. Frankly she saved my ass from losing my house. Right after the break up I started job searching and went on 4 interviews with the highest profile home theater companies in NYC and I landed the best one. In a time like this landing a job that starts at 82k is luck, however my resume is really what got me the job(with a little luck as well).

 

I know i love her because in all honesty, I never would have thought I would want to be with a woman with 2 kids. I have grown to love them and it makes me see so much more about life and family. Like i said i really don't have to prove why I love her, thats really for me to know. Ill just add a tid bit. the first time we broke up we separated for a year and then we got back in touch and I took her back with open arms because I knew since the first day I asked her to be my girlfriend she was the one.

 

I am going over there in a bout a hour or so and will take it lightly and see how it goes. I know I have to be very careful because of the way I feel about her and if I jump too soon wihtout feeling her out It would be bad for me. However I took this path and I am ready to deal with the outcome one way or another.

[Mia Hart]

Hope things went well for you Beerock..

[beerock]

Well, I went over saturday, I fixed her phone, programmed all her thermostats in her house and we went out with the kids for dinner. We were talking about favorite colors at dinner and I had mentioned my favorite color was purple. We went home and Got ready to go out for the night and she ends up wearing a purple dress (go figure) we went to a friends club in NYC. Saw a bunch of friends and we had a great time dancing.

 

Went home and ended up sleeping together. Woke up the next day and took the kids out for breakfast dropped them off home. Then we went back into the city to go clothing shopping and she was holding my arm like a couple while walking on the streets. She expressed interest in what I should be buying etc. then we went and grabbed some sushi.

 

After sushi and 2 sakes we headed back tot he car and I screwed up and brought up the married guy. she wouldnt talk about it. and said to drop it. Shes not with him or anyone right now. She said how shes in love with him but he isnt etc. I had asked if he knew his wife etc. and thats was about it. I had told her I know we can't be together and we are friends. I had told her I was worried about her setting herself up for a huge downfall with this married guy. It is true and of course I am pissed about this guy. In all honesty though this guy is not leaving his wife for her and I'm worried about her whe

 

so yea I really screwed up with that.

 

The whole weekend I was there it seemed she had a great deal of animosity built up towards me. Any little thing that I said that was the least bit cocky or "know it allish" she had something to say about. That had lead me to bring up the married guy.

 

the weekend had shown me that she has some issues especially between her and her daughter. there almost the exact issues that we have together. She doesnt want to deal with talking things out she would just rather not say anything at all.

 

I now know that Althought i had my faults she has faults as well as I clearly saw and they freightened me. I really care about her and I hope she wakes up. I really hope so but even after I had talked to her about she needs to handle her daughter differently even when her daughter pushes her buttons. After the convo she went on the exact same way and just made the situation worse.

 

SIGH.

yes I said something I shouldnt have said to her about the married guy. No one else has though. They all think its cool and lack the understanding that he will not leave. Regardless if I know the situation or not.SO I am at a point where I love this woman and am worried for her thoughts about this guy and don't want her to get hurt bad. I really don't know if I want to be her friend because of the way she has all this animosity towards me.

 

At least this has shown me that I CAN just walk away if I want to, because frankly I had a lot of anxiety build up while i hung out with her and her kids because fo the way she talked to them. If anything she has gotten WORSE since our breakup then BETTER.