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New bf has HUGE debt, financial problems...advice?


jhinnako

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So I've met the most wonderful person. He is *amazing*. He just has one flaw--he's in a big ole' pile of debt and doesn't appear to be handling it wisely. I'm just not sure if he quite understands how serious this is, he owes a LOT of money.

 

Apparently, in his last relationship---which ended about 8 months ago, he lived with this girl and her son(he's 26, she was early 30s)--I'm guessing he figured it was going to be permanent because he completely decked out the home they were in, lavishing it with every thing anyone could ever want. The whole deal, furnishings, big screen, electronics, decorations, cookware, got a dog--a really nice set up---to the tune of 30 grand.

 

Well, turns out this girl was separated from her husband and was supposedly getting a divorce so they could be together. She has a change of heart--kicks bf out, moves husband back in. But keeps all the stuff and turns into a real b*tch over it. This guy has to move in with his friend, he has *nothing* to his name except a car and some clothes and all this junk that he no longer has on his credit cards. He does have a pretty well-paying job though. He's a good hearted guy--he refuses to do anything to get the stuff back or hurt her. But he can't afford the cards. So he lets them go. He stops paying them a few months back. He has creditors calling him near-constantly, he just doesn't answer. They no longer have an address on him because he was forcibly removed from it and stays at the friends house.

 

This, obviously, sounds like a like of trouble. I can understand that he doesn't want to pay 30grand for stuff he doesn't have, but I think he could have handled it better! I want to help him out--not financially, but help him to get this crap straightened out before he gets in even more trouble. I've heard of the statute of limitations--where old debt gets erased if not paid on in a certain amount of time, or at least where they are no longer likely to file a lawsuit. Or bankruptcy. Only thing is--he needs to keep the car and if he files for chapter 7, they'll take it. He doesn't apply for chapter 13 bankruptcy. I know these options would all kill his credit for a very long time--but really, how good can it be right now? We live in NC, the SOL is 3 years here. The debt is all on credit cards, he's kept up on the car payment. Does anyone have any information or advice on this on debt, bankruptcy and the statute of limitations that I could pass on to him?

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This probably isn't the answer you want to hear, but it would probably be much better NOT to do things, look for information etc when he's perfectly capable of doing this himself. To do so would set a dangerous precedent for the rest of your relationship, and you will learn a lot about this guy's character while he deals with this himself.

 

I know what it's like to have every bone in your body screaming out and wanting to 'help', but IMHO, you need to let him deal with his own affairs in his own way.

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I've heard of the statute of limitations--where old debt gets erased if not paid on in a certain amount of time, or at least where they are no longer likely to file a lawsuit.

 

They'll try to get their money for years. A lot of times, companies just write off the bad debt after years and years of effort, but it is still listed on your credit report, and it will kill your credit score. Which basically means, the two of you would never be able to buy a house together. He'd very likely be unable to rent an apartment in a reputable complex. Employers are starting to check credit scores. Best to deal with it and not run.

 

Or bankruptcy. Only thing is--he needs to keep the car and if he files for chapter 7, they'll take it. He doesn't apply for chapter 13 bankruptcy. I know these options would all kill his credit for a very long time--but really, how good can it be right now? We live in NC, the SOL is 3 years here. The debt is all on credit cards, he's kept up on the car payment. Does anyone have any information or advice on this on debt, bankruptcy and the statute of limitations that I could pass on to him?

 

Why wouldn't he apply for chapter 13? this gets his creditors off his back, while he establishes a plan to repay the debt. In doing so, he could probably also reschedule his car loan - in other words, let's say he has 2 years left to pay on it...well, if his repayment plan under Chapter 13 is for 5 years, he can extend his car payments out those five years and probably reduce his monthly payment.

 

Regardless, he can reaffirm the debt on his car even if he files bankruptcy. They won't take the car unless he doesn't reaffirm (assuming he has kept his payments up, there's no reason why the finance company or bank wouldn't agree to this since they want money, not the car - especially in this economy).

 

You can't run from debt. It doesn't just go away.

 

Also, if a credit card company, for example, writes off your debt - you have to claim the full value of the debt on your taxes as income.

 

The guy needs to get some of that stuff back - if he's got the bills for it, especially the television, he's got the proof that he owns it. I'd go to the police, have an officer meet him at this house, and yank the tv out. Then sell it, and pay down one of the bills.

 

Again, it's not just going to go away. These companies will get a judgement against him and have his pay garnished if they have too.

 

If it's 30,000 including the car loan, that's one thing. Get a part time job, and dump every earned cent into the debt. If it's a car loan plus 30 grand in unsecured debt, he's 26...if he makes a ton of money, he should be paying the debt. If he has no rent, what's the problem?

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Well the debt is a bad thing..but that is part and parcel with his rather weak, doormat personality. He totally jumped the gun with this woman, was too interested in impressing her and making her "happy" to really give a thought about protecting his interests and making sure she was "a sound investment". He should not have spent all that money on her, especially since she was not even divorced yet. She basically fleeced him...she saw a sucker and she went for it. Even now he has not learned his lesson and is allowing her to walk away scott free. He should be fighting to protect himself. His sense of self-preservation is lacking and that's what I find most disconcerting.

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Well the debt is a bad thing..but that is part and parcel with his rather weak, doormat personality. He totally jumped the gun with this woman, was too interested in impressing her and making her "happy" to really give a thought about protecting his interests and making sure she was "a sound investment". He should not have spent all that money on her, especially since she was not even divorced yet. She basically fleeced him...she saw a sucker and she went for it. Even now he has not learned his lesson and is allowing her to walk away scott free. He should be fighting to protect himself. His sense of self-preservation is lacking and that's what I find most disconcerting.

 

yeah, that's my take on it also.

 

i think he isn't handling things responsibly either, and when it comes time for me to choose who to date, and who to eventually marry one day, what you have described here is pretty much a huge red flag. if he bought the stuff, it is his, and he should get it back, or at least 50% of it, so he can re-sell it and try to pay off some of his cards. i would think twice about getting involved with someone with such bad judgement. unless he has a rich aunt who is going to die soon.

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Well the debt is a bad thing..but that is part and parcel with his rather weak, doormat personality. He totally jumped the gun with this woman, was too interested in impressing her and making her "happy" to really give a thought about protecting his interests and making sure she was "a sound investment". He should not have spent all that money on her, especially since she was not even divorced yet. She basically fleeced him...she saw a sucker and she went for it. Even now he has not learned his lesson and is allowing her to walk away scott free. He should be fighting to protect himself. His sense of self-preservation is lacking and that's what I find most disconcerting.

 

Waves " Big Red Flag"

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