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Confused about dating, hurting over the ex.


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Hi guys,

 

I recently went out with a girl, we kissed at the end of the night. I really like her, but I'm confused. All I can do is think about my ex and it's killing me. I'll try to take it slowly with this girl, but my head and heart aren't listening to me. I guess I'm unready to date, or maybe unready for a serious relationship. I'm giving it too much thought and can't go with the flow.

 

Any insight for me?

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Go out with her again and kiss her again. Then see how you feel. It's possible that you are ready but she isn't the right woman.

 

I don't know, I feel chemistry. Maybe, it's just me, but I it raised a lot of red flags within myself, I'm just awkwardly weird about it. I actually have feelings for another girl other than my ex, but she isn't my ex and I'm not over my ex type of mumbo jumbo.

 

How long ago was the breakup?

7 months, 4 months NC. I hope I'm not rebounding and just to be with somebody. Maybe I need to spend more time to heal.

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I think feeling chemistry with someone new can be scary because they *aren't* your ex. The idea of being with someone else means it is now, once and for all, 100% over. And that final straw can be emotional and hard to handle. It jars emotions.

 

It doesn't mean you aren't over your ex. If your ex was the last person you had strong feelings and chemistry for, feeling that again for someone different can be awkward.

 

I struggle with this fear myself. I want to find chemistry, but at the same time it seems scary, daunting. Even more so than going out with someone you have no chemistry with.

 

Either way, kiss this girl again. See how it feels. So if it was just the first time that brought up memories of your ex.

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Wow..I am fascinated by all this advice about "kiss the girl again and see if you feel anything". I wonder if you would like to be somebody's experiment...you go on a date with a guy, you think he is into you because he kissed you..when in reality his kiss was only an experiment to see if he is over his ex or not. To the OP, I think you should stop dating and sort out your feelings first. It is not fair to use dating as a way to escape your feelings for your ex. Get over that first before you drag someone else in. This goes in line with what I was getting at in the thread about "talking" vs "dating" where it was argued that dating means more than talking. This date was not more meaningful than talking.

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To the OP, I think you should stop dating and sort out your feelings first. It is not fair to use dating as a way to escape your feelings for your ex. Get over that first before you drag someone else in.

 

I agree. Beyond the confusion the OP feels, it's not fair to the person he kissed.

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Don't get me wrong, I'm not dating just to date. I didn't kiss to see if I had any feelings for her, I genuinely like the girl. I'm just unsure if this is normal because I'm not over my ex and I don't want to rebound and hurt this girl.

 

We're going out again this week, if I still think about my ex and get worked up over it. I know what to do. Such a shame that my feelings for my ex is complicating things.

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Wow..I am fascinated by all this advice about "kiss the girl again and see if you feel anything". I wonder if you would like to be somebody's experiment...you go on a date with a guy, you think he is into you because he kissed you..when in reality his kiss was only an experiment to see if he is over his ex or not. To the OP, I think you should stop dating and sort out your feelings first. It is not fair to use dating as a way to escape your feelings for your ex. Get over that first before you drag someone else in. This goes in line with what I was getting at in the thread about "talking" vs "dating" where it was argued that dating means more than talking. This date was not more meaningful than talking.

 

I completely understand this and certainly wouldn't want to be anyone's experiment, but ex or no ex, I do think it can take more than one kiss in a typical courting/dating relationship to see is there is anything, etc. If we are magically knew from one kiss that this was "the guy/gal" none of us would be here Of course, coming off a break-up complicates everything.

 

Only the OP know his true thoughts and feelings. So OP, go with your feelings, your gut. If you aren't ready, you're not. It sometimes takes trying to figure it out. Best of luck either way.

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I am not quite sure why the kiss has to be the thing which is the determining factor. Why can't people go out a few times before they start doing all the tongue action. Go out, learn about the person first...base interest on who the person is before doing the whole make out thing.

 

I don't think physical intimacy is the best course of action right now. I'm too vulnerable and it sort of happened. It's not something I was looking for. I don't want to rush into things and make a rash decision and end up regretting it. I'm just freaked out that I can have feelings for another person, but it reminds me of my ex.

 

Is this normal? I'm not comparing in any way, those feelings just happened to surface and I was giving it thought. I'm new to dating, life and love.

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When someone is completely over their ex, the feelings they have for a new person is pure and untainted. I am not sure of your story, how long you were with your ex and how long it has been since you broke up. Healing takes time..there is no set time frame. If you are not ready that's okay. Sometimes feelings get all jumbled up because it is not the new person you actually have feelings for, just a sense of wanting to feel loved and needed like you did once before with the ex.

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When someone is completely over their ex, the feelings they have for a new person is pure and untainted. I am not sure of your story, how long you were with your ex and how long it has been since you broke up. Healing takes time..there is no set time frame. If you are not ready that's okay. Sometimes feelings get all jumbled up because it is not the new person you actually have feelings for, just a sense of wanting to feel loved and needed like you did once before with the ex.

 

I don't know if I'll be completely over my ex, she was the first. That's the problem. We've been broke up for about 7 months, she dumped me, I found out she cheated before the relationship was over and left me for him. I'm not out looking for a relationship or looking for love, if I was, I'd be in another relationship a long time ago.

 

I'm completely honest about the whole thing to this girl. I guess I'll just take it slow and see where it takes me. I guess I'm letting the stress of my past get to me.

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Did you have fun while you were out with this girl?

 

You say you felt a spark. Go with it. Your going to think about your ex, you're going to compare the two girls.

 

Who cares?

 

You haven't promised this girl anything. Part of dating is going out and enjoying each others company - there doesn't have to be any commitment - not now and not necessarily ever...

 

Go out with her. Have fun. See where it all goes...and most of all...............................

 

STOP OVER ANALYZING!!!!

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Another thing, I have made out with other girls and didn't feel anything for them, it didn't feel right, so I stopped. With this girl, it's different because I feel a spark with her, and that spark reminds me of the ex.

 

This is so weird and confusing.

 

I think kissing her is the wrong way. I think you should give her a nice tongue kiss and see how she feels.It sounds to me like your sweet tooth has found the right flavour...After that I promise you wont be confused..A kiss or a touch is the best barometer to your heart and hers.Go for it..she is dynamite...right?

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